Ughh....GI Joe clip confirms the worst

MTV just released this 45 second clip of GIJoe. It looks ridiculous, they blatantly ripped off Master Chief with the suits and between the implausible action and bad acting they manage to through in horrible one liners. Enjoy....if you can.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Time for the Weekend ROCK OUT!!!!!

Best wishes for a great safe weekend everyone! Now watch the video above in it's entirety and when you're out this weekend rock the dance that's sweeping the nation. Everyone do the VAN DAMME!!!!!!!

Hillarious Failed Terminator Models

Thanks to Collegehumor.com we have a little something Cyberdyne related to ease the pain that was Terminator: Salvation. Enjoy!

Click for larger image:





Thanks again to the comic genius's over at CollegeHumor

A Nightmare on Elm Street FIRST LOOK!

Thanks to those hep cats over at JoBlo.com we have a batch of pics from the set of the New Line reboot of A Nightmare on Elm Street. It looks like they've taken some liberties with the look but the basics are still there. These pics are obviously from the origin half of the film, but I do hope he switches to the old Red/Green motiff. That being said there is something especially creepy about the classroom setting that I can't put my finger on. This is a big one for me, I think of all the origin/reboot flicks that have come out Freddy has the most to offer. That is, as long as they dont incorporate demon sperm monsters (or whatever those were from 'Freddy's Dead'), add in Jackie Earle Hayle as the title character and I think we have something working. Here's hoping for an amazingly creepy flick and the return of KRUEGER!

The To Do List!

Deep breath. Consider this a week to chill. Only two films have piqued my interest and I've already seen one of 'em. Which is perfect because it leaves me more time to see The Brothers Bloom yet again. I've already checked it out twice, with one more viewing with the meetup crew on Saturday. It's rare that a film so completely meets my expectations. Bloom is expanding to more theatres this week, so now you can also see it at AMC Shirlington, AMC Georgetown, and Cinema Arts Theatre along with Landmark E Street if you're in the DC/Metro area. Go see it! You will not be disappointed.

Up



I'm beginning to think Pixar can do no wrong. They've managed to make me interested in a movie about a talking rat; talking cars; made me care about a talking fish looking for his lost son, pretty much everything they do I'm invested in. They're on an incredible run of success that may not ever be topped. Even so I thought not even Pixar can build a complete story around a grumpy old man who ties balloons to his house and soars into the sky. On the surface it sounds thin. But boy was I wrong. I'm not going to go into the details since I'll be reviewing the film in full at some point, but I can say that after seeing it I'm more impressed with Pixar than ever. This might not have been my favorite of their films, but I'll be damned if they don't get major props for creativity. Definitely check this out with the kiddies this weekend. That is if you can tolerate kiddies(which I can't). Otherwise wait until a really late show when presumably they will all be asleep, or fighting sleep and keeping their parents awake. I went to a screening of this and was surrounded by the miniature buggers. It felt like I had been dragged to my own little corner of Hell. Speaking of which...

Drag Me To Hell



After 22 years Sam Raimi makes his triumphant return to the horror genre. Well, that is if you don't include Spider-Man 3, which was pretty horrific indeed. Drag Me to Hell features future Talent Show member Alison Lohman as a loan officer who screws over the wrong gypsy and finds herself the victim of a hellish curse. I'm assuming that old broad was a gypsy, anyway. This one looks amazing, and I've been excited for it ever since it was first announced. My only fear is the PG-13 rating. I know others have said that it doesn't hurt the film, but we've spent the last ten years with gutless, spineless, de-fanged PG-13 horror flicks so I've got pretty good reason to be concerned. I'm just hoping to be proven wrong here and that Raimi still has the goods to deliver.

Those are the two biggies for the week, leaving me with hopefully some free time for a couple of oddballs. I'm interested in checking out this Austrian film, Revanche, about an ex-con and a prostitue who get involved in robbery that goes fatally wrong. It's getting pretty good reviews. Goodbye Solo has been on this list for like a month, and I almost skipped out on work early yesterday to see it, but as usual a tidal wave of crap headed my way and I couldn't escape. I'm curious to see the film, Little Ashes, just so I can laugh at Robert Pattinson in his ridiculous Salvidor Dali mustache. He looks like Colonel friggin' Debeers, or that evil dude who always ties a damsel in distress to the railroad tracks. There's no way he pulls that off. Stick to bubble gum vampire flicks, dude.

Bad Lieutenant trailer Has me High as a Kite

Seriously, I don't give a shit if Werner Herzog is lying about never having seen the original Bad Lieutenant. Nor do I care if he's blowin' smoke up our ass about not having heard of it's director, Abel Ferrara. That stuff doesn't mean squat. Sure, the original is considered a cult classic by some, mainly for Harvey Keitel's performance, but Herzog's upcoming film already looks like a totally different animal. I haven't seen Nic Cage this inspired since..........hell, just check out the trailer.

The Brothers Bloom

I've always been a big fan of con man movies. Everybody's always so cool. They know every angle, every player, intimately. They're always ten steps ahead, or it's like they're playing chess while mopes like me are playin' checkers. Hell, I even dig semi-competent con movies like 2003's Confidence(which coincidentally also starred Rachel Weisz). The best con movies are basically cons in and of themselves. We as the audience should only be privy to just enough information to fool ourselves with. Give us too much and there's no payoff, we already know the score. Give us too little, and the payoff might feel cheap and tacked on with little dramatic effect. The Brothers Bloom, the follow up film from brilliant director Rian Johnson, is not your typical con movie. It's funnier, more of a faery tale than anything else, almost dreamlike in it's presentation.

Those who saw the opening 7 minutes here on the site(you wouldn't go elsewhere, would ya?) know the story begins with the two Bloom brothers, Stephen and Bloom(Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody). I don't know why one is named Bloom, but I'd love to find out. Of the two, Stephen is the most outwardly aggressive and conniving, fiercely protective of his weaker young sibling. The two bounce around from foster home to foster home, getting sent back after any number of hilarious shenanigans. Their biggest score as kids comes after a slow play involving a group of spoiled rich kids being swindled out of $2 apiece in an attempt to catch a non-existent will o'the wisp. The boys are cons, but they believe wholly that the best con is one in which everybody ultimately gets what they wanted. Words they will live by and use in their schemes. The opening sequence is so enjoyable, so meaty, that it could support a film on it's own. I was reluctant to see the two kids leave for fear that their lives as adults couldn't possibly measure up, but I was very wrong.

In the ensuing years, Bloom has pulled further and further away from his brother, no longer wanting to play the smooth lothario in their twisted games. He wants something real, not staged. But Stephen convinces him of one more play. The mark: a sheltered heiress named Penelope(Rachel Weisz). Penelope is a bit of a cypher at first: quiet,eccentric, but filled with a longing for real adventure. She has the hobby of collecting, well, hobbies. She skateboards, plays ping pong, juggles(literally everything including chainsaws), and does anything she sees that looks interesting. It's all just a way of passing the time. The Brothers recognize this, and Bloom uses his charm to convince her to go away with them on an adventure filled cruise, the ultimate plan to gain her confidence to the point where they can fleece her of roughly $2.5M. Things obviously don't go as planned, as Bloom begins to have real feelings for Penelope. But after all these years of feigning genuine feelings for his potential victims, does Bloom even know what actual love feels like?

The world of The Brothers Bloom has one foot set in the real world, the other foot firmly planted in fantasy. At times it feels like the world is just one big storybook, full of lush locales and giant castles. Even New Jersey feels a little magical in this film. It reminded me a little bit of In Bruges, with the way that little town seemed stuck in both medieval and present times. I couldn't place where in time this movie was supposed to take place, and frankly I didn't care. It only makes it more timeless as far as I'm concerned.

What unfolds is a con within a con within a con, to the point where you almost feel as if it's gone on a bit too long. At one point I felt that the film had reached it's natural conclusion. The plan had been revealed front and center, all had been exposed for who they truly were, and yet there was still one more step to go. Thankfully, Rian Johnson was right in his idea that this final push was necessary to see where these amazing characters would go when everything they had all so carefully and meticulously planned began to crumble around them. The ending of Bloom is heartbreaking and satisfying, with promises of greater adventures to come.

It was impossible for me not to fall in love with Rachel Weisz here. She's always been one of my favorite actresses, beautiful, elegant, and classy. At her sexiest when she appears to be trying the least to be so. Here she's mousy and vulnerable at first, but becomes the fiery center of this crew of jaded, cynical crime artistes. It's obvious that Penelope is more than the sum of her parts, but she keeps just enough of her true knowledge hidden just beneath the surface. She only reveals it slightly in a brilliant scene in which she performs an ingenious card trick in what must've been a wildly difficult scene to shoot. Everyone involved here is at the top of their game. Adrien Brody brings it as the disillusioned Bloom. He and Weisz share a chemistry that I did not expect them to have together. Mark Ruffalo is no favorite of mine, which perhaps is why I enjoyed him so much as the Bloom Brother you just love to hate. His every word is manipulative, even his most basic gestures seem self serving, even when they're not. But the breakout star for me was Rinko Kikuchi as the silent assassin, Bang Bang. She only has 3 words throughout the entire film, but it's her actions and mannerisms that draw you to her in every single scene. Whether she's blowing up Barbie dolls or just holding up a cue card at an inappropriate time, she is the comedic heart of this film. She's now basically played two mute characters in a row, if you count her performance as a deaf-mute girl in Babel, and she brings something totally different to both roles. Great stuff.

I haven't been this enthralled with a director's first two films since P.T. Anderson gave us Hard Eight and Boogie Nights back to back. The Brothers Bloom is a con film of a different sort, exactly what I would expect from the guy who brought us the freshest take on film noir in a generation. If you're a fan of the con game, you will find something in this to enjoy. If you love comedy, you will find something in this to enjoy. If there's anything I can promise it is that you will leave this film with a smile on your face. In the end, everybody ultimately will get what they want out of it. The perfect con.

9/10

In Space, No One Can Hear me Scream!!! Fox to Relaunch Alien Franchise!?

I'm gonna provide you with a short list of films here. See if you see the connecting thread:

X-men Origins: Wolverine
Dragonball Evolution
X-files: I want to Believe
Max Payne
Jumper
Aliens vs. Predator 1 & 2
The Seeker
Fantistic Fours 1&2

What would you call a company that has failed so miserably in cultivating it's potential franchises over the last few years? I would call them purveyors of soulless, valueless life wasting schlock. Or just 20th Century Fox.

With that in mind, how would you feel if this same studio was put in charge of one of the most beloved franchises in history and sought to continue it, or worse yet even reboot it? The rumors flying around now are that Fox is already well underway in continuing the Alien franchise. The latest info, courtesy of Bloody Disgusting, is that Fox has tapped Carl Risch to direct the latest big screen effort. Risch is a TV commerical director who has ties to Ridley and Tony's Scott Free Entertainment company. Apparently the Scott boys are along for the ride as co-producers.

But seriously, let's think about this for a second. I've seen what's become of the last couple Alien flicks produced by Fox. The Aliens vs. Predator movies were boring as all hell, full of characters indistinguishable from eachother, no sense of drama or tension whatsoever. Just lazy all around. What's to make me think that this would be any different? Because they might show us a young Ripley? I'm sure she'd be played by some nameless, faceless, acting neophyte that I couldn't pick out of a police line-up. And as for this Risch fellow, I don't know his work one bit, so I'm loathe to criticize him. I just know that I would prefer to see someone more experienced tackle a story this large, but that's just me.

The Talent Show: Nora Zehetner

From the first time she drifted so casually and sexily onto the screen in Brick, batting her hypnotic eyes at our reluctant hero, she might as well have hypnotized me as well. In that amazing film, Nora Zehetner exudes all the qualities of the classic film noir femme fatale, mysterious and irresistable, luring you into her trap with eyes wide open. Me, I'd dive headlong into that glorious abyss quite willingly.

I didn't pick her simply because Rian Johnson's follow-up to Brick, The Brothers Bloom, came out last week. She makes a brief appearance there in one of the crucial opening scenes, and she's as breath taking to me as ever. Nora has remained busy ever since her breakthrough, appearing in 8 episodes of Heroes back when the show was still decent, not to mention a powerful performance in the 2007 mystery, Beneath.

Warner Bros. Preps Lara Croft for a New Adventure

Anybody remember Tomb Raider? Show of hands? A few of you. Tomb Raider was, for awhile, one of the biggest franchises on the planet. It was a video game released in 1996, and featured a hot, leggy adventure seeker named Lara Croft. Basically she was a hot Indiana Jones-type. The games sold in the millions, and it wasn't long before feature films were cranked out. Angelina Jolie, back when she was semi-attractive and in the business of acting and not collecting children like rare postage stamps, took on the featured role. The first film was a hit, grossing nearly $300M worldwide. The sequel, on the other hand,was a disaster only drawing in $65M domestic but another $100M worldwide. In fact it was such a turd sandwich that it effectively killed off female-lead action franchises that were set to begin production(remember Halle Berry's Jinx spin-off?). Eidos, the company that created Lara Croft died, the video games floundered, and that was pretty much all she wrote.

But ofcourse nothing ever stays dead for long in Hollywood. Paramount let their Tomb Raider license lapse, and Warner Bros. was there to snatch it up. Already they are working on a reboot(nasty little word this has become) of the franchise, featuring a younger Lara Croft. Yeah, because her age was the problem. The film is being produced by Dan Lin, who is also spearheading the upcoming Sherlock Holmes film starring Robert Downey, Jr. No word as of yet on casting.

Management; The Girlfriend Experience

Management

A few years ago, Jennifer Aniston won raves for her portrayal of a lonely woman looking for a bit of happiness in The Good Girl. It was a breakout performance that showed she had a bit more range than people ever gave her credit for. Since then, she's done little to build on that, and some saw Management as her chance to recapture some of that former glory. Unfortunately a weak plot and shallow script do little to aid her in that quest. Here she plays Sue, a serious, orderly woman with aspirations of making a real change in the world through humanitarian efforts. On a business trip, she happens to stay at a hotel run by Mike Crenshaw(Steve Zahn) and his parents. Mike is a disheveled, aimless, man-child who is instantly smitten by Sue. He offers her a bottle of warm champagne, courtesy of the "management", and the two have a brief fling that neither expects to go much further. Sue returns to her very structured, prepared life in Maryland, but Mike is never able to get over her, and so he follows her there, only to discover that she has no place for a wanderer like him.

This is where it should end, but Mike to put it bluntly comes off a bit like a stalker. When she moves to Washington state, he follows her there also, literally dropping in to her life and destroying everything around him. Sue is set to be married to her ex-punk turned yogurt enthusisast Jango(Woody Harrelson), with hopes of running one of his charities. Mike ofcourse, doesn't let this stand and basically throws a molotov cocktail on all of her dreams in hopes of having her for himself.

There are some sweet moments to be found here. Their initial courtship is awkward but cute. Zahn and Aniston show a little bit of chemistry together in those opening scenes together, but as the story goes on there seems to be less and less reason for them to be a couple. Sue in particular shows nothing that makes her appealing outside of her looks, and frankly Aniston lacks the charm to bring more to the character. Mike appears to be a nice guy, but comes off more stalker-ish than dedicated. What's worse, the film devolves into lame rom-com cliché, instantly turning Sue's boyfriend Jango into a creep just because that's what the story demands. Management is probably best as a rental to be seen with your girlfriend or something, otherwise you can probably skip it.

5/10

The Girlfriend Experience

I sat three seats away from Rian Johnson(director of Brick, The Brothers Bloom) while watching this the other day, and I kept trying to judge his body language. Was he as bored of this mess as I was? Normally I'm intrigued by Soderbergh's experimental, hands off approach to storytelling. Here, I just found myself wanting to escape. The experience was only amplified by the fact that I had just seen the marvelous The Brothers Bloom mere minutes before(review of that to come). I'm starting to think that Soderbergh is sacrificing any coherent narrative in favor of just being experimental.

Porn star Sasha Grey plays high priced escort, Chelsea. Chelsea makes a lot of money, and has an exclusive clientele. She also has a boyfriend, Chris, a personal trainer attempting to build his own fitness clothing line. Chris and Chelsea have an understanding. He accepts her job, but she can't get personally invested in her clients. Chelsea's starting to get hit hard by the economy, as this film takes place during the run up to the Presidential election. In fact, all anybody seems to talk about is the economy. She's also being pressed hard by a new up 'n coming(no pun intended) escort named Tara who is plucking away her best clients. Is Chelsea getting too old for the biz? Is she not interesting enough?

Frankly I don't give a damn. There's a point in the film where a blogger on "erotic services" doing a story on Chelsea writes that she is completely uninteresting. I wonder if the writers of the film knew how right he was! Sasha Grey I'm sure has shown far more emotion while in the midst of her typical line of work than she ever does here. She's lifeless, emotionless, each attempt at a smile is strained and unconvincing. I'm sure faking it works wonders over at Vivid Video, but it don't fly so well on the big screen. The scenes with her boyfriend are particularly painful, watching two non-actors flop around for feelings like a fish on the hot pavement.

If Soderbergh has a point for this film I'd like to know what it was. I have nothing against the escort business, so let's not think for a second that the material is the problem. I find the basic idea intriguing. I think I would've liked to have seen more focus on Chelsea and Chris's failing relationship. How does her job affect them on a daily basis? How does he feel about it? We never really get that. In fact the two are only on screen together a couple of times, and we only see it blow up but not the slow boil. That's what interests me. All this crap with random people talking about how bad the economy is does nothing for me. It adds nothing to the story here. If the point is to show that everybody's screwed right now then that could've been accomplished in a scene, not ten. I appreciate the lengths Soderbergh is going to push the limits, to try new things, but I have to admit that I miss the guy who made Traffic. The guy who made Out of Sight. I'll take that guy who knew how to create interesting, 3-d characters in unique situations over this guy who just takes the camera and points it somebody. I'm over simplifying, obviously, but that's what this movie felt like to me. Like someone just put a camera in front of Sasha Grey and said "Act like an escort", and she couldn't pull it off.

3/10

Castlevania Staked??? (Sorry pun was unavoidable)

So it seems Paul W.S. Anderson's big screen adapt of Castlevania is done. After some time in development hell the project is officially dropped.

Sources close to Bloody-Disgusting have confirmed that Paul W.S. Anderson’s Castlevania adaptation has officially turned to dust. The project, originally announced with Sylvain White (Stomp the Yard, I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer) attached to direct, had recently went out to new directors only to take a trip into the abyss of “development hell.”

Honestly, I'm glad. I think the idea and mythos surronding this project are great but adapts just have that stigma, that curse that dooms them all. Here's what I really want, and what I think cinema needs at this point. A true honest to goodness castle based vampire movie. Not Stoker's stuff, and no Rice adaptations, an original dark bloody, visceral, vampire movie that happens to be in a castle and no it doesn't have to be Dracula either...I'd rather it wasn't.

Green Lantern Fan Trailer...HIRE THIS GUY!!!

I LOVE Green Lantern, he's my faviorite comic book character second only to The Punisher. That being said anyone that's heard me talk about the upcoming film has heard me say that I do NOT think it will translate to the big screen, that it will fail. This morning I'm surfing the usual sites and come across this fan made trailer which has given me faith that it can happen. I'm always amazed by the untapped talent lying dormant in the giant maze of the interweb...there are some TALENTED people out there. Not only are they creating and editing amazing things but they do so with footage from other movies making it seem seamless...as if the scenes were shot for what they want you to think. If the real movie is anything like this trailer we may be looking at the next Iron Man...and one happy film critic!

More Ghostbusters 3 news...not so good

Here's the latest from Dan Akroyd

There’ll be a whole new generation that has to be trained and a leader that you’ll all love when you meet her. There’ll be lots of cadets, boys and girls who’ll be learning how to use the neuron splitter and the inter-planet interceptor - new tools to enable them to slip from dimension to dimension.

This seems like Daddy Day Care with ghosts and proton packs. Let's be honest other than the SFX the only thing that made the original such a classic was the chemistry between the four and their individual personalities. I hope it works but I don't have much hope, I'm just gonna stick to my guns that the upcoming video game will serve as my GB3. A good note though is that it's been said Bill Murray would only sign on if Ernie Hudson was given more to do. It's cool to see a big name guy like Murray looking out for a hard working B-Lister like Ernie Hudson.

Terminator Salvation

The future is a fluid thing. Atleast that's what I learned from my X-men comics all these years. If something doesn't quite mesh with established history, it's okay. Don't sweat the small stuff. If you're like me, you've been waiting a long time for the Terminator franchise to finally get around to showing us the war between humans and the mechanized forces of Skynet. Well, we finally get that war, and if everything doesn't quite gel as perfectly as hoped, that's fine with me. There's plenty enough to appeal to both the hardcore Terminator fans and those who are a bit late to the party.

Salvation breaks from the traditional mold of the previous films, which were basically about protecting John Connor long before he ever becomes the chosen messiah of the human race that he is destined to become. In fact, the time travel element is all but gone here, which to me is a good thing. We are where we need to be finally, no need to rehash the same plot as the last three movies. This time around Connor is on the cusp of becoming the leader he had been told his entire life that he would be, much to the chagrin of his military commanders who don't believe a word of it.

The film begins oddly enough in 2003, where we see a deathrow inmate named Marcus Wright(Sam Worthington) about to be executed. But before that happens, he is approached by a representative(Helena Bonham Carter, looking particularly hideous) of the infamous Cyberdyne, who want him to donate his body to them after his death. He agrees after some brief, stomach turning negotiation. It's pretty obvious what they have in mind to those of us who've seen what the future holds, but Marcus is blissfully unaware of the terrible mistake he's just made.

Back in the present(or the future or whatever you wanna call it), John Connor has just found out that he's numero dos on Skynet's hitlist. Who could possibly be #1, you might ask? Why, one Mr. Kyle Reese(Anton Yelchin), who John knows is his future father. So John's task becomes protecting this unsuspecting future hero, and also to save hundreds of innocent humans who have been captured and are being held in a Skynet facility.

Ignore all those posters out there showing Christian Bale, oversized gun in hand looking all cool and rugged. He pretty much has nothing to do here. This is not a John Connor film. It's a Kyle Reese/Marcus Wright film. The buddy dynamic that develops in all of the Terminator films is best revisited between those two, as Kyle saves an unsuspecting Marcus from a hunter 'bot. Just how did Marcus manage to make it to the future? Well, the trailers pretty much spoil that nugget, but it should be pretty obvious anyway. I really dug Anton Yelchin's performance as Kyle Reese, and to me he was the highlight of the film. It was one of those situations where I doubted the casting, and my initial impressions of him on screen didn't change my mind. But by the time the film ended, it seemed like he really had a grasp of Michael Biehn's mannerisms and cadence. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about Worthington, an unknown comodity to me before now, but he was impressive as well portraying the utter confusion and disbelief for a man in his position.

But this is Christian Bale's film, right? How was he? Pretty lifeless. I don't blame that entirely on him. Most of that has to do with the very dodgy script and weak plot. Connor is essentially just along for the ride, and we see very little of the great leader he is meant to be. He's just a solider, and not all that inspiring. Bale almost seems to be sleepwalking through it. For someone who was supposedly so passionate about this script you'd think he'd show a litle of that on screen. Yet I wonder if maybe that was kindof the point? John Connor has been told that this was his destiny since the day he was born, so wouldn't he be pretty blase about all this by now? All the talk of destiny must be old hat to him. Maybe Bale was trying to tap into that a little bit. Atleast he's not window dressing like poor Bryce Dallas Howard, who plays John's pregnant wife, Kate. She has even less to do here, and worse she looks like she just stepped away from a cover shoot. I thought this was the grimy, dirty, post apocalyptic future? The same goes for Moon Bloodgood. These two need to roll around in the mud, so to speak.

There was never any doubt that the action would be top notch, and it is. McG, who excels in this area, never met an explosion he didn't like. Say what you want about him, but the man knows his thing. There are a couple of really nice homages to the previous films, my favorite being a kinetic chase sequence between a mack truck and a couple of Terminator-cycles. Yes, motorcycles. The variation on all the different killer 'bots is a bit staggering, and some feel a bit tacked on(Terminator eels? Really?). My biggest beef is that none of them really feel seem all that formidable. Perhaps we're in a situation where Skynet doesn't really get into the serious kick ass Terminators until after the T-800, which would also make perfect sense.

Speaking of which, yes the T-800 makes his much hyped guest appearance, and for the most part it's satisfying. It's hard not to feel those chills of excitement once the familiar music kicks in and you know exactly who's coming. I wish it had gone on for longer, but a little went a long way.

So is Terminator Salvation perfect? No. Ofcourse not. Is it the best of the summer blockbusters so far? No. Is it an awful film by any means? Ofcourse not. It's biggest detriment is that it feels a bit too much like the first part of a trilogy. Very little is resolved in hopes of saving them for future films. There's little that I hate more than feeling cheated out of a story, but in this case I see the potential in the sequels that gives me hope. John Connor's story is far from over, only destined to grow larger, and with that we should see Christian Bale finally be able to put his immense skills to good use. For that reason alone, the future of the Terminator franchise is looking pretty bright.

7/10

Christensen and Mandrake, so Not an Item

Ok, so that was wrong. A couple of days ago it was reported that Hayden Christensen had taken over for Jonathan Rhys-Myers as the title character in Mandrake. Well apparently that ain't true, according to this story by MTV. Just letting you all know, since everyone is no doubt clamoring for that good Mandrake dirt.

The To-Do List!

Johnny Boy and I already caught up with Terminator Salvation on Monday, but Hollywood has seen fit to drop more than enough to keep even me occupied. One of us will have our Terminator reviews up by the end of the day hopefully, but right off the top of my head I'd say it was a film full of great action sequences, some questionable handling of the leader character, but for the first part of a trilogy it more than does the job. So what's left on the agenda?



Back in 2005 I was one of the few who was singing the praises of a little film titled Brick, a hard boiled noir thrust into a modern high school setting. The film starred Joseph Gordon-Leavitt and (future Talent Show member) Nora Zehetner. It was the most ridiculously perfect film I had seen, somehow managing to combine the hardcore cynicism of the noir genre with teenage angst. Ever since then I've been waiting patiently for director Rian Johnson's follow-up, and now it's finally here. The Brothers Bloom is that film, a comic heist romp starring Adrien Brody and Rachel Weisz that looks absolutely amazing. There will be a Q&A with Rian Johnson on Sunday at 7pm that we will be attending, so you best believe I'll be on here soon after with a review. I can hardly wait! If you're in the DC Metro area you can catch Bloom and the Q&A at Landmark E Street Cinema.



Night at the Museum was one of those films I didn't expect much from, but walked away satisfied. I'm not a huge Ben Stiller fan, nor do I really get in to the kiddie-themed humor of Abe Lincoln coming to life and dispensing sage advice. But the original had a certain charm to it, and it's hard to dislike any movie where the star studded cast is so obviously having a good time hamming it up as all these great historical figures. This one has even more going for it, namely Amy Adams as a smokin' hot Amelia Earhardt.



I'd be all over that shit, homie.



The less said about Dance Flick, the better. To me, it looks awful. Others see it as a possible return to form for the Wayans'. Whatever. Let's hope. I can't possibly be disappointed in this, so the only place it has to go is up. Or sideways.



Steven Soderbergh is a bit of a genius. From mainstream hits like Out of Sight, Traffic, and the Oceans films to the quieter gems like Bubble, the man never ceases to amaze me with his ability to highlight different unexplored sections of the world. The Girlfriend Experience is another such film, this time focusing on a high priced call girl and her hectic life during the run up to the 2008 Presidential election. The trailer had me hooked from the jump, and by all rights I should be seeing this today instead of the obvious dreck I already bought my ticket for. And before you ask, no I'm not interested in this film because the lead is played by Sasha Grey, one of the hottest porn stars in the biz. Not that I'm familiar with her work or anything. Anything you might've heard is hearsay.

Holdovers from last week include the Jennifer Aniston led Management, which I've already paid for regrettably. So as soon as I'm done writing this I'll be off to suffer for 90 minutes or so. Rudo y Cursi is still on my list, but the chances of me seeing continue to dwindle. Honestly I'm getting that vibe again where I want to see a movie everyday of the week, cutting out all social engagements or contact with human beings and just soak myself in the inky blackness of my local theatre.

Angels & Demons

If Angels & Demons, the follow-up to 2006's The Da Vinci Code, has convinced me of anything it's that the Illuminati are idiots. Some enlightened ones they turned out to be. Did they learn nothing from the way expert symbologist and all around religion fiend Robert Langdon(Tom Hanks) ripped through that Priory mess? So what do they do? They decide to kidnap a bunch of Vatican cardinals, kill them while branding each with fairly obvious clues on their chests, then hold the coup de grace at a spot that can be found by following a bunch of statues which all seem to point literally in the direction to go. Don't they realize that the smartest way to not get caught by Langdon is just do their business at a random motel or something?

Angels lacks the controversy that Code perpetuated and molded into a huge worldwide box office. The story this time around is much simpler, less grandiose, and relatively straight forward. It starts with the theft of a vile containing anti-matter, the likes of which could cause the destruction of an entire city. Discovering that the anti-matter is going to be used to destroy Vatican City by a group calling itself the Illuminati, Langdon finds himself once again the #1 Draft Pick for stiff religious zealots to solve the case. Only this time things are a bit testier, as Langdon is basically an unwanted interloper. The Church does not want his help so much as need it.

Langdon is aided in his quest by head scientist, Vittoria Vetra(Ayelet Zurer). She and Langdon lack the chemistry and spark that he and Sophie Neveau cultivated in the first film. The relationship here is much clinical, with the exception of a few glances that perhaps last a moment too long. It feels like there's more to their partnership than the film has time to expound upon. Perhaps that's due to this film actually being a prequel in the novelization. The result is something that's neither friendship nor more than that, and it feels strangely off when they appear so close in the final act.

That seems to be the problem with the entire film, in fact. Nothing ever feels developed enough. Ewan McGregor plays Patrick McKenna, the Camerlengo who basically fills in for the recently deceased Pope. McKenna is young, seemingly altruistic, and charismatic. A stark contrast to the senior cardinals, or the Conclave, who are tasked with selecting their next leader. The always reliable Arnim Mueller-Stahl plays their head elector, a man with greater aspirations than perhaps he's allowed to let on.

I'd have been more impressed if it felt as if Langdon had a real enemy to deal with, or a real mystery to solve. Everything just feels like a distraction, or a momentary roadblock rather than a real threat. For instance, the Swiss Guard, who function as the Vatican police of some sort, are both incredibly helpful and hughe stumbling blocks depending on the needs of the moment. It's the Illuminati who are supposed to be the big bad boogeymen of this caper, and yet they feel like more of a plot device than anything else. With the exception of a couple throwaway comments from Langdon, we learn precious little about this legendary group. They aren't at all shadowy or mysterious. In fact they are a little boring.

Which is ultimately how I felt about everything. Although I do like this film better than Da Vinci, that's not exactly saying a whole lot. I appreciate that there is a greater emphasis on action, rather than tons of flashbacks that serve nothing other than to slow the pace. Angels beats pretty steadily from scene to scene, carried as always by the charismatic Hanks. His Langdon is a little testier, a bit sharper with the tongue, a bit harder edged. It's a natural evolution for the character considering what he went through previously. Gone are any doubts, replaced by a dogged determination and assuredness not seen in the previous film. I just wish he had a better mystery to solve. Perhaps they are saving that for the inevitable third film.

6/10

Mandrake the Magician? Seriously?

"Master of magic spells and illusions!" That's all I remember from the horrible even when I was a child Defenders of the Earth cartoon. Mandrake the Magician was one of the core members, and I always thought it was especially lame to have some stage act as part of a superhero team. The concept itself was cool, though, because the team featured both The Phantom and Flash Gordon as well. But Mandrake always felt second-rate. When DC(probably Vertigo) Comics released a Mandrake series a couple of years ago my friend and I nearly cried with laughter it looked so lame....and then we bought the first issue ofcourse to verify its lameness(it was).

So who the hell thinks it's a good idea to produce a Mandrake movie? Well somebody does, and there've been some developments. Originally, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers(The Tudors, Bend it Like Beckham) was attatched to play the title role. But he has since dropped out, and now the cardboard talents of Hayden Christensen are taking over. The film also stars the always reliable Djimon Honsou. Mimi Leder(Deep Impact, Pay It Forward) is on board to direct.

I like the idea put forward in the script, which is that Mandrake is tasked by the CIA with breaking out a deep cover agent from a maximum security prison, only to discover that things are not exactly as he thought(What, the CIA lied? Surely you jest!). I like the focus on Mandrake as more of an escapist than an actual magician, so this might actually turn out halfway decent if ol' Hayden can produce something akin to acting. Worth keeping an eye on.

Clash of the Titans set photos

Here's a blend of two set photos from the upcoming Clash of the Titans starring the soon to be household name Sam Worthington, who is more the star of Terminator: Salvation than Christian Bale. Personally I'm always iffy on remakes but I think this is a film that needed the treatment as long as they stay true to the theme and story of the original. Let's be honest, allthough the original is a true classic the SFX were just horrendous as you would expect for the time it was made. If they keep all of the other parts in place and give us a bad ass Medusa and Achilles, as well as all of the other mythical monstrosities from the legendary tale we could be in for quite a ride. Think Troy but with more story and alot more of the supernatural. You can catch the rest of the photos at CRAVE online.

POST NOTE: Man it feels good to be back after my week long vacation, now let's just hope work doesn't keep me from getting you all the latest as soon as it's out!

The Limits of Control

I'm hard pressed to figure out what exactly famed director Jim Jarmusch was trying to achieve with his film, The Limits of Control. Part of me thinks it was an excuse to glorify the beautiful Spanish landscape, which if that was the point then he more than succeeded. If the point was to create a dense, impenetrable, narrative-less waking nightmare, then he succeeded. If the point was to test the limits of my patience, not to mention the alertness of me and the rest of the people in the theatre I was at, then he succeeded as well.

Control is basically the film equivalent of watching paint dry, even if that paint is multi-colored and full of amazing imagery, you're still doing something extremely dull and unproductive. Ostensibly, this is about a mysterious, cool hitman played by Jarmusch favorite Isaach de Bankole. He has no name, he's referred to in the credits as the Lone Man. Might as well have called him the Quiet Man, as he almost never speaks. He's been given a job in Spain, the details of which are unknown to us and frankly don't matter. The journey is what the film is about, as the Lone Man gathers instructions from an odd assortment of strangely named characters. For instance, there's Paz de la Huerta, aptly named Nude, who just seems to be this amorphous figure who shows up, asks for sex periodically, and then disappears. Or Tilda Swinton as Blonde, dressed up entirely in white and carrying an umbrella for no apparent reason. These people show up, make irritating, obtuse statements that are impossible to give a damn about. Completely unprovoked, mind you. I guess the Lone Man just inspires that sort of openness.

Not that I can see why. Bankole's Lone Man is as dull and lifeless as the movie itself. He drinks two expressos at a time, and don't you dare try to bring him a double. He practices his martial arts form in his hotel room. We see this repeated ad nauseum, to the point where people were openly sighing in disgust at it's overuse. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to anything that happens, nor is there a narrative to draw you in to the story. I confess I managed to only stay awake for about 90% of this thing, but I seriously doubt I missed something crucial in those few minutes I was out. In fact when I woke up they were still sitting in the same spot, with Gael Garcia Bernal still droning on about...something or other. Based off the snores I heard I'm willing to bet I stayed awake a lot longer than some others did. Not even Bill Murray, who drops by for a couple minutes to play the American, some sort of shady businessman, can breathe any life into this rotting corpse.

Jarmusch was one of the icons of the indie movement back in the 80's. His films were truly outside the paramters of the norm, especially his earliest work like Stranger than Paradise and one of my faves, Night on Earth. With the exception of Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai(another fave), his work has become more...aloof, is the word I would use. Broken Flowers, Coffee and Cigarettes, and now Limits, really have no narrative structure and seem more like a random series of conversations. His early stuff had the sense that atleast someone was on a journey of discovery, and was being aided in journey by other strong, opinionated people. Not so anymore. That part has been stripped away, and now we're left with something that's only interesting in the leanest sense of the word. Here's hoping Jarmusch gets back on his game again soon.

New Sherlock Holmes trailer!

I'm a huge Sherlock Holmes fan. Always have been. I love a good mystery, although my taste tends to lean towards the noir genre than anything else. However I've read a couple of the Sir Arthur Conan Doyles and loved 'em! Heck, I even liked the Young Sherlock Holmes movie from the 80s! Still watch it to this day.

However this new updated Holmes has hit something of a bad chord with me. First of all, I'm not digging the selection of Jude Law as Watson. I have an idea of what Watson looks like and Law ain't it. It smells of a "name casting", nothing more. Second, Guy Ritchie as director doesn't seem like the right fit. He has one style, and that's frenetic and hap hazard. I'm not sure it's right for Sherlock Holmes. And after watching this trailer, I have to say that my initial fears appear to be justified. This looks more like a buddy comedy than a mystery. I don't know if that's something I'm interested in, to be perfectly honest. But we shall see. Check out the trailer below and let me know what you think.

First Thor, Now Branagh Lands Loki

Kenneth Branagh has been a busy man. Fresh off of announcing his pick to play the Thunder God, Thor, in Marvel Studios latest superhero epic, now he's managed to secure his arch nemesis. Tom Hiddleston has been tapped to take on Loki, Thor's evil half-brother in the 2011 film. Hiddleston is a classicly trained actor who has worked with Branagh on a couple of different occasions, most notably in the BBC series Wallander.

Never heard of the guy, but judging by the photos he certainly has the look down for Loki, since I'm assuming they aren't going with the current Marvel Comics version of the trickster god who just happens to be a female. Don't ask how that happened. This Thor project is really pulling into shape right now, and although I've never been a big Thor fan I have to admit I'm pretty excited over this. Now for the Warriors Three!

Top Shelf at the Box Office!

Three weeks of major summer blockbusters in a row, with little to no end in sight. In fact, this upcoming week is probably going to be the most interesting as we have a true head-to-head matchup in store as Terminator Salvation will battle Night at the Museum 2 for your hard earned dollars. But as for the previous week, it was a bit of a letdown, with mostly everything staying put or dropping just so slightly.

1. Angels and Demons- $48M

The sequel to The Da Vinci Code never stood a chance of topping it's predecessor. The storyline isn't nearly as compelling or controversial as that one was. But I think the major sticking point is that nobody was really clamoring for a sequel. Da Vinci was a huge blockbuster success, grossing something over $500M worldwide, but critically the film received mixed reviews. I myself found it to be little more than a serious version of National Treasure. Angels and Demons suffered as a result, and while the film is still kicking arse internationally, it's domestic take has to be something of a disappointment. With so many major titles coming out starting this week, the chances of Angels coming close to Da Vinci's total is slim to none, and slim just went out to lunch.

2. Star Trek- $43M/$148M

Trek fans continue to hit up JJ Abrams' masterful reboot in droves, as it very nearly equaled the debuting Angels & Demons, only dropping around 43% in revenue. Trek is spurred on by it's monster IMAX tally, which ported in another in a record $5.1M in it's second week. Unfortunately, that will all come to an end since Night at the Museum(seriously? Not Terminator?) will be taking over IMAX screens come Friday. I expect Star Trek will maintain it's hold in the Top 5 for a few more weeks.

3. X-men Origins: Wolverine- $14.8M/$151M

Wolverine continues to perform better than it probably should, as this has to be looked upon as a successful moneymaker by any stretch of the imagination, especially for what is essentially the fourth film in a franchise.

4. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past- $6.86M/$40.1M

The Shirtless Wonder's best film continues to creep towards respectable numbers. Perhaps people are catching on to the somewhat positive word of mouth, which would account for the film's staying power on the chart. It's still an under performer compared to his other movies, however.

5. Obsessed- $4.55M/$62.6M

Like an angry stalker, this one just keeps hangin' around long after it should've been away and done with. People are still asking me about whether or not they should see it, which is an indicator that interest isn't really waning despite the flood of bigger summer event movies.

6. 17 Again- $3.4M/$58.4M

7. Monsters vs. Aliens- $3M/$191M

Only dropping 8% at this stage of the game is simply remarkable.

8. The Soloist- $2.42M/$27.5M

9. Next Day Air- $2.28M/$7.65M

10. Earth- $1.68M/$29.1M

Also: Jennifer Aniston = star power? Not so much. Her latest star vehicle, Management, a little indie film with a lot of buzz based solely on her presence in it, only rang up $378,000 in 212 theatres. Not all that impressive. Management marks her return to the indie world following her noteworthy turn in The Good Girl. The Brothers Bloom, my most anticipated film of the year, only opend in 4 cities and brought in $82,000. It will be expanding to more cities starting this week.

From Starfleet to Asgard, Hemsworth to Take on Thunder-God!

You might not recognize the name Chris Hemsworth, but if you saw the recent Star Trek film then you'll certainly recognize his face. Hemsworth played the role of Captain Kirk's heroic father, who sacrificed his life to save his wife and unborn son in the face of a devastating Romulan attack. Well now Hemsworth has a role only slightly more glorious than that of Starship Captain, as he will be taking on the role of the thunder god, Thor, in Kenneth Branagh's upcoming superhero film. Hemsworth beat out a number of worthy contenders for the part, and seems to be on something of a role lately, as he's also nailed down a major part in the upcoming Red Dawn remake. No further word on any other casting details, but I'm dying to see who's gonna play Loki and the Warriors Three!

Thor is scheduled to be released May 20th, 2011.

The Talent Show: Briana Evigan

Yes, that name's cheesy, but I like it better than Punch Drunk Babe of the Week or something like that. Plus I won't be doing this every week. In fact, I'm sure John will be participating, also. As everyone knows, we like our movie babes. Listen to the show and we might go off on a no doubt sexist, chauvenistic rant about some hot piece(that's not offensive, is it? Nah.). I tend to think it's part of our charm. So we decided it'd be nice to pay a little homage to those babes that we are keeping an eye on. Or better yet, two eyes.

My first overall pick in this week's draft is Briana Evigan. She first caught my eye with her, shall we say, salacious dancing in the otherwise forgettable Step Up 2: The Streets. The 22-year old Los Angeles native made her film debut in 1996's House of the Damned. Frankly, her resume isn't all that impressive at this point her career, but it looks to be getting brighter with her starring role in the upcoming female-centric slasher film, Sorority Row(featuring future talent Jamie Chung).

Forest & Fifty Unite for Jekyl and Hyde Remake

Ok, on my list of ideas for movies I don't ever want to see, I'd say that an updated version of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde featuring 50 Cent would rank pretty high. That being said, someone obviously disagrees, as Variety is reporting that Abel Ferrara, cult favorite director of such gritty films as King of New York and China Girl, would be updating the Robert Louis Stevenson classic. Forest Whittaker and 50 are signed on to play the lead roles. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Whittaker will be tackling Jekyl while Fifty will be handling Hyde. Just a hunch.

Luc Roeg, an exec producer on the film seems especially confident:

"The combination of such formidable talent in front of and behind the camera will turn this wonderful gothic story into a modern classic for a whole new generation,"

Yeah, because when I think modern classics I think 50 Cent. We'll see how this goes. Whittaker is a supremely talented actor, 50 Cent has shown flashes of being a decent actor, so maybe it won't be as bad as the concept sounds.

The To-Do List! 5/15/09

The last two weeks have brought us Wolverine and Star Trek. This week the third blockbuster debut in a row comes our way with Tom Hanks' sequel/prequel thingy Angels and Demons. I'll be organizing a movie meetup group to see the film tomorrow at Regal Gallery Place, so stop by if you're interested! Thanks to Yahoo not updating my main page in time last week, I left some films off the list that I had every intention of seeing, so this time I came prepared! Unfortunately the stuff coming out this week ain't doin' a helluva whole lot for me.

Angels & Demons



If I could describe The Da Vinci Code in one word it'd be: mediocre. Not awful. Not awful. Just kinda there. The book was such an engaging, exciting, thought provoking read while the film just kinda feels chopped to smithereens. Angels and Demons, while in the novelizations is a prequel to Code, the film version is being played up as a sequel. I already don't like that idea. I didn't read the book this time around, so maybe I'll be more receptive this time around. It certainly looks like a darker, more action-oriented plot than the previous film was. I hope they explain why Sophie, played by the beautiful Audrey Tatou, isn't in this one. I miss her already.

Management



Jennifer Aniston appears to be trying to recapture the indie cred she once had after The Good Girl. Honestly, I think this movie looks like a turd. She's a traveling saleswoman(huh? Her?) who has a hook up with some loser motel employee over a bottle of complimentary wine(courtesy of the "Management"), and he basically stalks her cross country trying to get back with her. Everything from the lousy billboard, showing Steve Zahn with his hand on Aniston's ass, to the bland unfunny trailer tells me this will stink. I've heard some people trying to say that this will be the indie darling of the summer. Those people are wrong. And yet I'll see it, and hope I'll come away surprised.

The Limits of Control



I should've seen this already, but I've been disheartened by the abysmal reviews of Jim Jarmusch's latest travelogue/crime caper. I'm a huge Jarmusch fan, but even I have to admit that this film looks boring, despite the crazy talented cast at it's disposal. Tilda Swinton, Bill Murray, Gael Garcia Bernal. It should be fantastic. However the painful experience I had at Jarmusch's equally star-studded Broken Flowers a couple of years ago is still fresh in my mind.

Other movies on my list include Rudo y Cursi, featuring the reunion of Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna. It's the first time the two have paired up since Y tu Mama Tambien. This is the story of two very different Mexican siblings who become rivals in the world of professional soccer. Probably worth seeing just on the acting and production talent alone(it's directed by Carlos Cuaron). And if opportunity permits(it won't) I'll finally get around to seeing Goodbye Solo, but I've been trying to do that for weeks now with no success.

The Brothers Bloom, the most anticipated movie of the year for me as everyone probably already knows, is in limited release as of today but is not due to hit the DC area for another couple of agonizing weeks! Please let there be a screening!

Expendables Action Explodey!

Ok, so The Expendables is the one film that's got me lookin' and scroungin' for every bit of dirt I can find on it. I'm following it on Twitter and everywhere else it's possible. It's just the coolest looking film ever. Period. Pointblank. So far we've been graced with a couple of shots from the actual filming, my favorite being Stone Cold Steve Austin leaping away from an explosion. This new pic, straight from Sly himself, features him attempting to yank himself aboard a seaplane. You kiddin'? Look at dem gunz homeboy's still sportin'! They are doing exactly the right thing here, as every shot is one of the key figures doing something, well, actiony. If this keeps up, we're gonna get a shot of Jet Li in mid jumpkick with a bunch of ninjas hangin' off his neck or something equally ridiculous and cool.

Comic Ineptitude: Youngblood finds it's "Writers"

Seriously, that is not edited in any way.

I'm not one of those movie fanatics who follows the production of a film step by step, needing to know every detail of every day's shoot like some people. It's why you don't see me posting the tons of daily photos and news on Scott Pilgrim or Iron Man. I'm far more interested in the finished product. But in the case of Youngblood, the superhero film being directed by Brett Ratner based on an "idea" from comic book whipping boy Rob Liefeld, I can't help myself but be intrigued.

The reason? No other film is so primed to be a woeful disaster. Brett Ratner is the hackiest of hack directors, who got by simply for being cool with people(remember his scenes in Black & White? Urrgh!). His efforts outside of Rush Hour 1 have been abysmal, even managing to ruin an unruinable franchise like the X-men. Rob Liefeld, his partner in this venture, was a flash in the pan artist from the early 90's. His art was awful. Freakishly structured dudes, alongside big tittied women in poses that would require them to have the spine of a jellyfish to pull off. Oh, and he couldn't draw feet. He always hid them under mysterious clouds of dust. Youngblood was his attempt to steal from his two favorite franchises, the X-men and the Avengers, using thinly disguised rip off characters. It was not good.

So with these two at the helm it's no wonder I've been so interested in how this future flop was developing. THe only thing left for them to screw up was the script. I hoped and prayed they'd let Liefeld himself handle the writing chores, as I've read his scripts from previous comics and they are a laugh riot. Unintentionally, but funny nonetheless. Alas, they've decided to sign up the writing duo of Chad Damiani and J.P. Lavin to handle that. Never heard of them? Why would you? They're only real claim to fame was the extremely short-lived(and bad) semi-scripted Fox comedy, Anchorwoman. Don't remember that, either? Apparently Ratner and Liefeld think this is some sort of coup:

"They were the guys everyone wanted for 'Capeshooters' at 11 AM at Warner Bros a year ago, and then at 3 PM, I met with Brett [Ratner] and his producing partner, and Brett says, 'I know exactly who we have to get to write this: Lavin and Damiani,'" said Liefeld.


Yeah, EVERYONE wanted them. I'm sure their phones have been ringing off the hook, what with all their previous success and all running a bad TV show into the drink. Who you tryin' to fool? This is only getting betterer and betterer. I can't wait for this thing to come out!

Big Screen, Little Teeny Tiny Fists Waving in Anger

Star Trek has been a huge success thus far, due in no small part to it's rip roaring action, fantastic special effects, spot on characterizations of familiar characters, and so forth. The film deserves every accolade thrown it's way, and while it's not perfect I've found that most criticsm I've read has been petty at best and shouldn't be enough to detract from what is at it's core just a plain ol' fun popcorn movie.

In fact, the film has been such a huge success that it broke all IMAX records for an opening weekend with a crazy $8.5M. Thats more than 10% of the film's opening take, which is pretty phenomenal, and beats out The Dark Knight's record of $6M. So why are there people complaining about that? There are people out there who have a bone to pick with IMAX, because they say the IMAX theaters aren't big enough! Waaahhhh!! Or in the immortal words of Christian Bale: "La dee daa!!"

"Actor" Aziz Ansari, currently sucking ass on the laugh-free environment known as Parks and Recreation on NBC(it's the most painful 30 minute window on Thursday nights) bitched about paying $5 extra to see Trek on a smaller than expected screen. Seriously? A whopping $5? What were you planning to do with that extra fiver, anyway? I guess you could get five junior bacon cheeseburgers. It's an extra two blocks in your cab ride home, I guess. Who gives a fuck? Seriously. This is what people have to bitch about?

My local IMAX is at AMC Hoffman in Alexandria. It's one of the screens he's whining about. It's not the IMAX you'd find at a fucking museum, but who the hell thinks it's going to be? It's at a Multiplex, for the love of Pete! When I saw Eagle Eye there last year, there was some dorky little putz in front of me who kept whining THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE that this wasn't IMAX. "It's half an IMAX". Did that make the movie any better or worse whatsoever? No. Was it larger and sound better than the piddling screens just a few feet away? Yes. Substantially so. And that bamma got in to that movie for free! This Ansari dude probably makes enough to not make people laugh that he can afford to buy out the theater all to himself, and he's whining about $5.

The simple fact of the matter is that IMAX doesn't have to set a standard size for their screens. The larger ones average 76 x 97 feet. Fucking monster screen. Those behemoths are there to show space shuttle missions and shit. I don't even think I want to see a movie on those big boys.The multiplex versions, which have been slowly creeping into theaters over the last few years, are around 28 x 58. Still huge, and if you're a stickler for having the most thorough theatre experience possible more than worth the $5 extra you'll pay for superior sound and picture quality. And if you're not, shut up, pay less, and go see that shit in auditorium 22 in the back corner of the Multiplex. You'll be a happier person for it, and I won't have to read your pitiful blog written through your tear soaked eyes.

Battle for Terra; Next Day Air

Battle for Terra



Battle for Terra was a film I was anticipating based on the action packed trailer, but the movie itself simply wasn't good enough to hold my interest. Terra involves a peaceful race of sperm-like aliens that suddenly find themselves under attack by the seemingly more technologically advanced humans. The humans are looking for a new place to call home after ruining not only Earth but two other planets as well, and have decided to transoform Terra thus eliminating it's inhabitants. Not all of the humans are warlike, however, as one human decides to fight against the hostile takeover and find a better way.

Terra features a powerful array of voice talent including Evan Rachel Wood, Justin Long, and Dennis Quaid. Despite that, the characters all feel remarkably similar and indistinct. I found myself not really caring about anyone as a result. The humans are one-dimensionally evil or wimpy. And as for the Terrans they undercut the entire point of the story by giving them a means to defend themselves that doesn't fit at all with their nature. The action is standard, except for a pretty decent fight scene at the end, but by that point I was already bored to tears. The animation is atrocious by modern standards and reminds of those Don Bluth films that kept coming out when Pixar and Dreamworks were upping the ante.

4/10

Next Day Air



So see if you can follow this: A shipment of 10 bricks of cocaine is mis-delivered by inept, smoked out UPS guy played by Donald Faison. Instead of going to it's proper owners, it goes to two murderous thugs played by Mike Epps and Wood Harris, who then decide to sell the drugs to Epps' cousin, a big time dealer looking for one last flip before retiring. Meanwhile the druglord who sent the drugs is looking for his package, the people expecting the drugs are looking for the package, nobody's very nice and everybody's got a gun in their waistband and ready to use it.

If you walk into Next Day Air expecting to see Friday or First Sunday or another African-American ensemble comedy you will walk away sorely disappointed. Air is a dark buddy comedy at best, with Epps and Hall playing far more vicious version of Seth Rogen and James Franco in Pineapple Express. The violence is brutal and blunt, but makes sense considering the nature of the characters involved. Wood Harris, who most will recognize from HBO's The Wire, taps into that same energy here as Guch, the more fearsome and paranoid of the two. The rest of the cast is solid, with the exception of Mos Def who might as well have not signed up given that he has about two lines and is of no consequence to the story at all. In fact, if you've seen the trailer then you've seen all of his material.

Air comes off as an urban version of a Guy Ritchie film, full of loathsome but somewhat engaging characters all jockeying for position to claim the big score. Unexpectly, first time film director Benny Boom, who has built his career producing hip hop videos(is that why Mos Def is in this??) has found a way to make Next Day Air deliver. And on-time to boot.

6/10

V for Vendetta Director to Helm New Conan Film?

Yes, that's an image from Conan the Librarian, part of the underappreciated cult favorite film, UHF. If you ain't seen it, do yourself a favor.

CHUD has a story claiming that V for Vendetta director, James McTeigue is being tapped to take over for Brett Ratner as director of the upcoming Conan film. The film, which some say could begin shooting as soon as this summer, was previously rumored to be attatched to the Wachowski Brothers, whom McTeigue worked with as assistant director. McTeigue is currently helming the upcoming Ninja Assassin, a film which by all accounts looks amazing, and from the little bit I've caught up on since John first mentioned it to me, they are right. V for Vendetta was not a film I was all that impressed with, but what it did have going for it was it's look, so I have no doubt that McTeigue will make Conan as impressive as it deserves to be.

Top Shelf at the Box Office

Ok, as has been proven pretty consistently week in and week out, I don't know shit about predicting box office. That's why I'm not an analyst, but given their less than stellar track record for these things I'm in pretty good company. But anyway, I went out of my way to say that I thought Star Trek would under perform at the box office, and it looks like my prediction was way off in the Outer Rim someplace. I was right about Next Day Air, though!

1. Star Trek- $72.5M/$76.5M

Star Trek warped past all other competitors this week, bringing him 72.5M this weekend plus $4M at the Thursday previews. The opening is the highest grossing of the Star Trek franchise, besting my favorite ST flick, First Contact which only opened at $30M. Considering that the receipts actually grew from Friday to Sunday, that implies that ST could have significant staying power. In fact, I'll go on to state that I think it will manage to hold off Tom Hanks and Ron Howard's strangely promoted Angels and Demons this week in a big budget showdown. Star Trek has the benefit of a limited IMAX run of two weeks, which should force people to continue to see it for atleast that period of time.

2. X-men Origins: Wolverine-$27M/$130M

Wolverine is the best he is at what he does, and what he did this week was drop about 70%. That's due in no small part to Star Trek's blazing start, which was still less than Wolvie's opening by a healthy margin, but also due to poor word of mouth. With the news that nearly 4 million people also downloaded the film illegally nearly a month before it's release, it must also factor in that maybe the majority of "new" viewers have already seen the movie and that it will falter from here on out. This second week tally is the lowest for all of the X-men films, even that stinker of a third film.

3. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past- $10.4M/$30.2M

The Shirtless Wonder proved that he's got more staying power than one would think, only losing about 30% of last week's gross. The film didn't do itself any favors with the timing of it's release, nor the odd marketing campaign that made it seem like dead folks were hounding the main character, which ain't the case.

4. Obsessed- $6.6M/$56.2M

Yesterday my grandma told me that she and my grandpa desperately want to go see "that Obsession movie", which I'm assuming they meant Obsessed. Only goes to prove my point that trashy, racially tinged B-movies featuring hot broads knows no generational bounds.

5. 17 Again- $4.41M/$54.2M

6. Next Day Air- $4M

I'm not sure what studios were expecting from a dark buddy comedy about two murderous, drug dealing criminals but I'm pretty sure it was more than they actually got. Then again there are practically no bankable faces here, and maybe this is exactly what they were expecting. It was a decent film, at any rate.

7. The Soloist- $3.6M/$23.5M

This just keep chuggin' along, hoping it hangs around late enough that it might be remembered come Razzie season. I mean Oscar season! Slip of the finger!

8. Monsters vs. Aliens- $3.38M/$187M

9. Earth- $2.49M/$26.1M

10. Hannah Montana: The Movie- $2.41M/$74.1M

Nick Fury on the Iron Man 2 set!

Ok, so latley there have been a few IM2 pics hitting the web but honestly they've been underwhelming. One of Tony in his workshop, one of him in a huge donut...mehh. But out today comes this pic which I suppose some could argue is no big deal but it says so much more than just SLJ walking around with an eyepatch. Number 1 let's all thank Marvel for coming to their senses and paying him whatever he wanted to reprise the role, number 2 if he's shooting this early hopefully it's a sign that he'll have a much expanded role, and number 3 HOW BADASS DOES HE LOOK?!?!? I'm a fanboy that's all there is to it but I think the only way they couldv'e redeemed Nick Fury after that David Hasselhoff abortion of the mid 90's was with the ultimate himself Samuel L Jackson. More to come on this as I get it.

The To-Do List!

Not more than ten minutes ago, I sent my Punch Drunk cohort John a message saying "Not a lot of options for the show this week!" With Star Trek already under our belts, that leaves precious little to sink my movie butter soaked teeth into.



So even though I've already been whisked away by the greatness that is Star Trek(my review is right here), there's still one unexplored territory left on my radar: IMAX. Mmmmm...Zoe Saldana in jumbo format....yummmm....



Mos Def. Mike Epps. Donald Faison. A shipment of drugs. Maybe it's me, but this movie smacks of Pineapple Express for black folks. Not that I'm complaining, it actually looks halfway decent. And I don't know who the hell this Yasmin Deliz person is, but....well, just check her out:



That's the real deal, folks!

I've decided that Lymelife just looks to lame to see. Do I really want to watch a film about lyme disease? Computer says no! That leaves me with precious few options, one of which will certainly be Sugar, by the writer/directors of Half Nelson. It's the story of a Dominican baseball player recruited to play in the American minor leagues. Looks and sounds very Soderbergh-esque, and probably worth a looksie. It's playing at AMC Shirlington and the Cinema Arts Theatre in Fairfax.

Star Trek

Much like the vaunted Enterprise, navigating the murky seas of deep space, I will attempt to navigate this review completely spoiler free...

No small task. Let me be honest here. I'm not the biggest Star Trek fan in the known universe. I'm of the rival Star Wars faction, not accustomed to all these Starfleet regulations and such. But what I am most assuredly, is a fan of science fiction. I was worried most of all that J.J. Abrams reboot/retelling/rewhatever of the Trek franchise would be little more than porn for the already converted, leaving those of us who are just looking for a fun space romp out in the frozen wastes like a Tauntaun.

I needn't have worried.

It's been over a week since I first caught Abrams' latest. I waited because I wanted to see if the feeling of euphoria evoked from the experience would abate even a little. It hasn't. What Abrams has created here is the freshest, exhilerating piece of space fantasy I've seen in years. You might mistake that for hyperbole, but I assure you it's not. I'm on record here on this site saying that I think these types of movies have been making a big comeback lately, what with Danny Boyle's Sunshine and Serenity topping the list. But they didn't have the sheer amount of baggage that this movie has to contend with. Not only did Star Trek have to appeal to the old schoolers, but also appeal to the guys like me lookin' to get a foot in the holodeck, so to speak. And boy, does it ever.

Without spoiling too much, I can say that Star Trek revolves around the formation of the original crew that we know and love. Cast in the familiar Starfleet uniforms are a young, good looking cast of recognizable faces. Zachary Quinto(Heroes) amiably takes over the role of Spock. Chris Pine(Smokin' Aces) was the biggest question mark for me. My concern being that he would try to emulate Shatner's unique cadence and mannerism. Fortunately, that never becomes an issue. Everyone puts their own unique spin on these characters, making them both new and familiar at the same time. Everyone melts into their roles seamlessly. Well, except for Anton Yelchin as Chekhov, who I thought was straining to hold on to his Russian accent. Not enough to bother me, though.

As for the story itself, it's probably a bit more convoluted than is necessary, but that's okay. Eric Bana as Nero is the type of villain that I absolutley love. He's got a real reason to seek vengeance against Starfleet, and the technology and firepower to see it through. He's obviously evil, but his point of view has merit considering what's been done to him. Honestly I didn't even recognize Bana, and he seems more into this part than he has since Munich in '05.

Not all is sweet smelling roses, however. I gotta take issue with one little(read: HUGE) problem. Tyler Perry. No, I'm not about to go off on a rant about why his movies suck ass and keep down an entire people during a Star Trek review. So why do I bring him up? He's in the movie. Yes. THAT Tyler Perry. Cross-dressing Tyler Perry. And what's worse, we get no warning. I expect that if Tyler Perry is going to stick his raisinette-lookin' dome in the middle of a movie he's got no business being in that we should get fair warning. Stamp that shit in big letters during the opening credits so I can clench my teeth in preparation. To top it all off he's in here twice! We're practically bookended by that bamma! Aaargh!

Whatever. I can deal with that only because of how great this film is. To quote my friend Margot(who got me in to the screening in the first place, Thanks Again!!) "J.J. hit the ball out of the park." It's funny, action-packed, gripping, and any other buzz word you can throw at it. I might just be ready to trade in my lightsaber for a phaser.....

Nah, not quite.

9/10

Ummmm WHAT? Eminem and The Punisher?

Behold the above image. Two things I like alot....by themselves. Who decided to sell out and include Eminem in 'The Punisher'?? I know we are not a comic book blog but I just had to post the above, an obvious marketing ploy for Em's new album. Is this the stupidest thing you have ever seen? What's next is 50 Cent gonna be wall crawling with Spiderman? Ugh...

Shocked? Deadpool Spin-Off A Definite Go

NOt that I'm surprised, but Hollywood Reporter says that the much talked about Deadpool spinoff is already in development at Fox. As you will recall, Ryan Reynolds played the role of the Merc-with-a-Mouth in the recent X-men Origins: Wolverine film, however in a deviation from the character's comic roots, he mouth was sewn shut and he was given the powers of multiple mutants. Apparently, the spinoff will return the character to his original form and personality. No writers are attatched to the film at this stage of development.

This is good news, as I was worried after the disastrous way Deadpool was handled in Wolverine. The best thing this potential franchise has going for it is Ryan Reynolds, who is absolutely perfect for the role and should deliver in every way imaginable as long as the script is solid. Hopefully they won't delve too much into his past with Weapon X, and focus more on his life as a high paid mercenary taking on the oddest, most comical gigs.

Review: Stick It In Detroit

Low budget independent films are a tricky thing for the average viewer, they carry a kind of stigma that makes people think they are less than their mainstream counterpart and unfortunately for the most part they are right. However, every once in a while a truly great flick can be made out of great writing and true creativity instead of piles of money and a Hollywood formula the most famous example probably being Kevin Smith’s debut ‘Clerks’. Filmmaking at its purest and when it’s done right it reminds you of what one can do with a little bit of money, a camera, and a good idea, ‘Stick It In Detroit’ is one of these great indie comedies. The flick follows Todd Kennedy and his friends on the days leading up to their annual Halloween bash. Todd is thrown a curve ball when he’s offered a promotion which will relocate him to a factory in Georgia. He must decide if he’ll leave his girlfriend and the friends he’s had since high school, or forgo the promotion and “Stick it in Detroit”.

Todd’s story is the heart of the movie, but the real funny comes from the colorful cast of characters that comprise his friends. Scott, played by Kieran Campion, is hilarious as a Wall Street wannabe who works as a janitor. His tendency to daydream provides some of the films funniest moments, not to mention the gut busting sequence at a snobbish country club that he’s bullshitted his way into. Then there’s Justin Rose, the chubby nerd who draws a ridiculously perverted comic strip. Rose lucks out when gorgeous girl starts working at his office, however his ineptitude with women and downright bad luck lead to the most cringe inducing gross out scene I’ve seen in years. I couldn’t do it justice to explain it here but let’s just say the genius is in its simplicity, they don’t feel the need to soak you in nastiness but rather take a small thing and make it harder to watch straight on than a needle going into an eyeball. It really is the type of scene you watch out of the corner of your eye because you can’t bear to look dead ahead. Next up is Wojo, a holy roller at heart who can’t seem to keep from doing the most hedonistic things of the whole group. He’d be a priest if he could stop getting high and banging random gutter sluts. The real service that Wojo does for the film is introduce us to its scene stealer and, I think, hands down the funniest character in the flick, Rod “Hot Rod” Johnson. He’s the wanna be white gangsta and is played perfectly by Brett Gelman. Every time this guy was on screen I was laughing my ass off and he even comes off with the most quotable lines of the movie. Rounding out the cast is Susan Meiner ably playing Todd’s beautiful girlfriend and Matt Chapman playing Gary, somewhat of an outsider to the group who happens to be a successful lawyer and the pawn in Scott’s ploy to land a high society honey. The plot is somewhat simplistic and secondary to the jokes, but for this film it worked. The laughs were great so you’d almost feel a downturn if they had tried to hit you with too much story. Even with the minimal plot development they still managed to squeeze in just enough heart and emotion to make you feel Todd’s decisions.

All in all I had a great time with ‘Stick It In Detroit’ and can only hope the flick get’s enough exposure so that plenty of people get to see it. It takes the kind of comedy that National Lampoon’s has been failing at for the last few years and just knocks it out of the park. The real charm and appeal to the movie is that anyone who still has friends from high school can relate to it. You have nothing in common with these people other than the fact that you graduated together, yet despite your differences you wouldn’t trade them for anything. Hell, I know at least 3 Hot Rod Johnson’s that I still see every once in awhile and now thanks to this flick I won’t be able to look at them with a straight face anymore. So if you guys want to see a hilarious comedy with just the right amount of raunch and a little bit of gross out sprinkled in for good measure I definitely recommend checking out ‘Stick It In Detroit’. You can’t get it at your video store just yet, but if you’re interested head on over to
http://www.stickitindetroit.com and check out the unrated trailer.

American Violet, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

It's been a busy week, and I'm just now cleaning up the rest of the movies I saw during my little spree. Eventually I'll get around to Star Trek!

American Violet




American Violet is a powerful film. There's no disputing that. It tells the true story(although names were changed) of Dee Roberts(, a poor African-American single mother living in a small, racist town in Texas. One day, during a drug raid on her housing project, Dee and a host of others are scooped up and sent away to prison. They are offered a choice no person could ever lightly make: either plead guilty and get out that day but be branded a criminal, or fight the charges and risk losing everything. The problem is, Dee has no drug record whatsoever. Nor was she found with drugs on her. Nor was she even at the project when it was raided. She was at work. And what's more, Dee's situation is made even more dire because if she pleads guilty she loses her house(it's government funded housing afterall) and possibly her kids to her less than attentive husband.

Dee's story is a familiar one. Set against the backdrop of the 2000 presidential election controversy, American Violet highlights a well known but under publicized time in recent American history, where blatant acts of racism can still be considered local government policy. The District Attorny has made a career sweeping up the poor, mostly African-Americans, and forcing them to plead guilty as a way of jinning up public support for himself and his town. But with the help of the ACLU, Dee decides it's time to fight back against a system that seems to have it out against her personally.

It's hard not to love Nicole Behari's performance as Dee. She is both instantly likeable and recognizable, but she is no saint, and that is what makes her so relatable. Dee is a mother of four kids, with three different husbands, but at no time has she let her difficulties drag her down. Also, Alfree Woodard puts on her usual strong work as Dee's mother. The always reliable Will Patton is worth a look as a former officer who has to decide between his loyalty to his old buddies or to justice. But as good as the main performances are, Violet struggles to get beyond the look and feel of a TV movie of the week. This feels like something I could see for free on CBS on Saturday nights. That doesn't make the film bad, mind you. It just felt very by the numbers and maybe a little underproduced. Still, Dee's story is an important one, and one that people shouldn't miss when it hits DVD.

6/10

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past


What's the old saying? Even a broken clock is right twice a day? I guess even Matthew McConaughey can make a film that I like. This makes a solid two films so far(2 out of 20). Ofcourse I'm probably liking this film for all the wrong reasons, as it really started to grate on me after a certain....epiphany is reached. The Shirtless Wonder plays Connor Mead, a famous photographer and womanizer. Not exactly new territory for M.M., but for some reason I dug his schtick this time around. Connor finds himself at the last place he wants to be, at his younger brother's wedding. There, he runs into his former flame, Jenny Perotti(Jennifer Garner). Jenny's the one who got away for Connor, the one he was always meant to be with. That was before his life baggin' some serious tail took hold. In fact, Connor's such a douche to the ladies that he breaks up with 'em through conference call. Wait, how does that make him a douche? Sounds like a neat time-saving plan to me, and a way to avoid any flying projectiles.

Old emotions beging to bubble to the surface between Connor and Jenny, but before he can truly change his ways, Connor must first be confronted by the ghosts of girlfriends past, present, and future. The most entertaining aspect of these various trips through memory lane is Emma Stone's performance as Connor's first "girlfriend" Allison. Allison is delightfully 1980's, sporting a stone washed jean jacket, huge curls, and a mouth full of braces. Not exactly the starting point you'd expect for ol' Connor. We also get Michael Douglas as Connor's Hugh Hefner-esque dead uncle Wayne, who happily reappears to try and prevent Connor from following down the same path he laid out.

McConaughey doesn't have the chops to rip much sympathy from the audience, and to be fair the movie doesn't attempt to for most of it. Connor is blissfully happy being a jackass, and that's what I found most appealing about him. I have no interest in stories about reclamation projects. I was perfectly fine with Connor baggin' the bridesmaids(a wedding tradition that makes me wish I had more friends getting married) and nailin' the subjects of his photo shoots. For the majority of the film this is exactly what we get, and it's a lot of fun. Where the film loses me is the way it trys to cram home this epiphany for Connor in the final few minutes, and I didn't buy it for a second. They would've been better off having this be a film about a guy completely irredeemable. Jennifer Garner never really seems comfortable in these romantic comedies. To be fair, she doesn't really fit the typical rom-com mold. Her character is supposed to be a cut above the trashy starlets and one night stands Connor usually bags, but I never really saw a reason why they are supposedly meant to be together.

I can't outright say that Ghosts is a good film. It's okay at best. It's mostly harmless, and would be fine as a date movie. But on the McConaughey scale, it's friggin' chart topper. Worth a looksie, if you can't convince your girl to go see Star Trek this weekend.

5.5/10

Wolverine Sequel in the Works? Set in Japan?

Those of you who managed to sit through Wolverine without leaving, then managed to sit through the credit sequence might have caught a glimpse of a special ending set in Japan. One of the most popular Wolverine stories is the Chris Claremont/Frank Miller story that establishes the Canadien's ties to the samurai culture. It is an integral part of his character. I, unfortunately, didn't see this ending as I got the ultra-lame Deadpool ending. Well, apparently that scene in Japan was no coincidence, as Hugh Jackman and his partner at Seed Productions are already hard at work on a sequel which looks to be set in Japan. No writer has been attatched as of yet, but here's hoping that it's not the same two who wrote this latest piece of junk.

Well, beggars can't be choosers. While I appreciate the samurai stuff with Logan, I always felt it was a little out of place and never really meshed with his character. There are so many different interpretations of him that I think it's more important that the film franchise stick to a more solid, stable idea then bounce around to many different ones. I know that Hugh Jackman has a love for the character and the Japanese stories in particular, so I trust he'll do what he thinks is best. But after the disaster of Origins, my trust only goes so far.

X-men Origins: Wolverine

Let's get this out in the open: I'm an X-men fanatic. I've been reading the comics for most of my life. I love Wolverine even though he's grossly overexposed and has lost the mystery that made him cool to begin with. X-men Origins: Wolverine is a film that should be right in my wheelhouse. It features my favorite Marvel comics character, Deadpool, and my favorite X-man in Gambit. The idea of exploring Logan's cloudy past is one that is appealing, as some of his best stories revolved around his involvement in the top secret Weapon X program which gave him his indestructible adamantium skeleton. However, the film itself never seems to be able to figure out what it wants to be good at. It's not a particularly action filled film, nor does it give Logan the chance to express any real emotion other than outright anger. So ironically the mutant who's "The best he is at what he does" never manages to be all that good at anything.

Wolverine(Hugh Jackman) begins with a brief glimpse at Logan's childhood, where we are introduced to his step brother Victor(Liev Schreiber, all teeth and fangs), who would grow up to begin the feral, murderous Sabretooth. After a brutal encounter between the two boys and their parents, the two set off on their own. What follows is an amazing title sequence as we follow the two undying brothers through history. The two are Canadian, but they seem to be fighting on the American side of all the major wars throughout history. This lets us know that both are roughly 150 years old, and seem to have stopped aging altogether at adulthood. Throughout this, Victor becomes more and more violent, taking out his bloody urges on even the innocent. The two actually end up on the wrong end of a firing squad, but much like Chev Chelios from Crank fame: "They were dead, but they got better."

Victor and Logan are recruited by William Stryker(Danny Huston, formerly played by Brian Cox in X-2) to join his black ops squad of mutants. And for about five minutes we see each of the team members(The Blob, Wraith, Deadpool, Agent X) show off their powers in impressive fashion against nameless, faceless soldiers. The team is violent and ruthless, which suits Victor just fine. Logan, on the other hand, storms off in a huff and abandons them. We never see Logan do anything, which makes me wonder why Stryker wants him back so badly. But you know how these things work. You can't just walk away, and so Stryker sends Victor to find and track Logan down in order to bring him back. Logan has since settled down with the love of his life, a woman known as SilverFox, and has joined the cast of Ax Men. He's a lumberjack, folks. That is until his brother comes calling, and destroys the peaceful life that Logan had created for himself. Now Logan is out for revenge not only against Stryker, but the only family he has left.

I'm convinced that if this were about some unknown hero, I'd have walked out of this thing. If it weren't about these amazing Marvel Universe characters that I love, this would be on my sh*t list right there alongside X-men: The Last Stand. Everything from the script to the direction falls flat. The writing in particular does Hugh Jackman no favors. Wolverine is never really given a personality to speak of. He lacks the laconic wit that he is so famous for. The surly attitude. The air of mystery. There's none of that brought to us here. Wolverine isn't the least bit interesting, nor is his quest for vengeance.

And some request for vengeance it is. You really feel the crushing weight of the PG-13 rating here, as Wolverine is essentially neutered from any real acts of violence. Victor, arguably the most violent mutant in comics, has two real noteworthy kills. One of those is bloodless. The other is off-camera and we only see the results. The violence fighting is clean and somewhat cartoonish, like when you'd watch GI Joe and wonder how nobody died in that massive explosion. The action sequences are all staged rather boringly, and the special effects simply leave a lot to be desired. All one has to do is look at how cheesy Wolvie's CGI claws look when he's checkin' himself out in the mirror. It's laughable.

Speaking of laughs, let's talk about what they did to my boy Deadpool. A few weeks ago I expressed my disgust at their plans for Merc-with-a-Mouth. The choice of Ryan Reynolds to play him was spot on, and the idea for a spin off seemed a no brainer. Reynolds plays Wade true to form in his one true scene in the movie. Reynolds channels Wade's witty banter coinciding with his incomparable knack for killing. But then, just as previously reported, Deadpool disappears from the film entirely. He re-emerges later, but the man they're calling Deadpool bears no resemblance to him whatsoever. To be honest, this film does a lot of tweaking with the characters, and none of it for the better. Would it have been so hard to leave well enough alone? The only character who remains relatively untouched is Gambit(Taylor Kitsch). The smooth talkin' Cajun makes an impressive showing and is the only character treated well enough to possibly warrant a sequel.

What bugs me the most is that the most interesting aspect of Wolverine's life was widdled down to approximately two minutes. I expected, no hoped, that what we would be treated to was a trip through Wolverine's life throughout history. Instead we got a fairly standard revenge story. Not a lot of action. Not a lot of anything really. This doesn't feel the least bit like it deserves to be a franchise, but more like a one-off film that should be quickly forgotten. Remember Elektra? The Spirit? Daredevil? Put this one right next to those in the panethon of popular characters with franchise killing solo debuts.

5/10

Top Shelf at the Box Office

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Wolverine decimated the competition this week. But what is surprising, atleast to me, is the woeful performance of the other new films to release this week. I'm sure a lot of that can be attributed to the phenomenal take from Wolverine, but I'm willing to bet that even more of it was bad marketing and awful word of mouth.

1. X-men Origins: Wolverine- $87M

Duh. Wolverine clawed his way through McConaughey and Idris Alba pretty damn easily, on it's way to a blowout $87M opening. While that's a phenomenal start, let's look a little bit further into it. This opening actually is worse than the critically reviled X-men: The Last Stand, which opened at over $100. It's worse than X-2, the best of the X-men franchise(atleast when adjusted for inflation). And it pales in comparison to last year's Iron Man, which opened at roughly $99M. Anybody wanna hazard a guess at which character is more popular? Right. It ain't the guy in the metal suit. So, why was Wolverine's opening lower than expected? It could have something to do with the film leaking out a month early. It could have to do with people feeling like this is just the 4th X-men film and not a big deal. It could have to do with the ambiguous tone of the marketing. Whatever. My thought is that based on the bad word of mouth this film is receiving(rightly deserved), it will get hammered in the coming weeks. It doesn't help that an event like Star Trek is right around the corner.

2. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past- $15.3M

Let's get one thing out in the open: I saw this film, and enjoyed it for the most part. But in terms of McConaughey openings, this one falls way short of his previous efforts such as Fool's Gold, The Wedding Planner, and other awful excuses for him to remove his shirt. Actually, he's almost totally clothed throughout the duration of this movie, which might explain the lack of female support at the box office. This was clearly marketed as more of a redemptive comedy, and less the usual blatant attempt at male cheesecake. It could be because Jennifer Garner doesn't really lend herself to that type of movie. Whatever the reason, this one failed to impress. Too bad, really.

3. Obsessed- $12.2M/$47M

Two weeks in and apparently there's still a market for a movie which has two hot women wrestling eachother in a sweaty brawl that's just begging for someone to squirt oil(or creamed corn) all over them. Oh, and it's also slightly racist. Who knew people would wanna pay for something like that? More than once, no less! Actually, it kicked away nearly 60% of it's previous intake but still the studio has to be happy with the performance thus far.

4. 17 Again- $6.36M/$48.5M

5. Monsters vs. Aliens- $5.8M/$182M

As predicted, MvA is flourishing thanks to IMAX. Chances are this will be the final week of numbers like this, with Star Trek due to take over the super-sized screens this weekend. MvA actually was not the only 3-D animated feature in theaters this week, but the other one did so poorly that it's barely worth mentioning.

6. The Soloist- $5.6M/$18.1M

By all rights this film shouldn't be anywhere near the top 10 it's so bad. However it suffered the smallest 2nd week drop of them all, only whistling away about 40% of it's audience. Even so, 18M for a supposed Oscar contender with a heavyweight cast has to be a letdown.

7. Earth- $4.18M/$21.8M

You can't expect people to keep coming to a documentary heavily marketed around Earth Day when most of us don't even remember when Earth Day was anymore. It was last week, right? In terms of a nature doc like this that's still an impressive tally.

8. Fighting- $4.17M/$17.5M

The Channing Tatum brawler appears to be fighting a losing battle, as it dropped nearly 60% from last week. Perhaps he'll have better luck with GI Joe.

9. Hannah Montana: The Movie- $4.08M/$70.9M

10. State of Play-$3.66M/$30.9M

Also: The 3-D animated space opera, The Battle for Terra, crashed landed at a majorly disappointing 12th place this week. While the trailers were interesting, the TV spots made some critical mistakes. First, the animation looked bland at best. Second, they focused too much on the "humans as evil warmongers" angle. Not exactly gonna draw people in with that one. Third, it was almost as if the studio knew the only real draw for this thing was it's 3-D, which makes some sense considering they added the 3-D after the fact to shore up what was already a vanilla looking cartoon.

Jim Jarmusch's The Limits of Control debuted at a paltry 3 theaters, but pulled in an average of over $18,000 per site, which ranks at second best among all movies this week. It should be expanding to more theaters in the coming weeks.

The To-Do List for 5/1/09

It's been eight days in a row now that I've been to the movies. I've seen everything from The Soloist, to Star Trek(review upcoming), to Death Note: L. And I came nowhere close to seeing everything I wanted, which is why the shit will continue apace with no possible end until Saturday. That day I'll be too busy to see anything, providing a welcome break from my movie going escapades. What I've discovered is that I could probably see a movie a day for the rest of my life and never get tired of it. I don't know if that's sad or what, but it's true. Even terrible movies like The Soloist provide me a great deal of happiness a couple of hours at a time.


This week things slow down a bit. After looking at the list of movies in the area I realized something: I really ought to stop calling this weekly post The To-Do List, since I always write about movies I have no intention of seeing, like the entire library of Matthew McConaughey. That doesn't make much sense, does it? I should focus solely on the films that are truly in my line of fire. So it's either change the title or stick to the original premise.



Let's just say that I wasn't a guy who's been reading Marvel comics for the better part of 25 years(Good lord I'm old!), would I still want to see X-men Origins: Wolverine? Who cares? The fact is I am a guy who reads X-men comics and I DO want to see this. It follows the formative years of the ol' Canucklehead as we go through the highlights of his life ala Benjamin Button. Finally they listened to the fans and included arguably the two most popular "mutants" in the X-universe, Gambit and Deadpool. Based on what I've heard and seen I'm a bit skeptical on their treatment of the Merc with a Mouth, but I'll give it a fair shot. Chances are I'll see this tonight in preparation for The Punch Drunk Podcast on Sunday(Yay, it's back!)



Battle for Terra looks like it could be a sleeper hit. The computer animated 3-D sci-fi film features an impressive voice cast(dont they all at this point?) and an interesting premise that places the human race as the villains, attempting to overthrow the peaceful alien planet of Terra. My only real gripe is the look of the animation, which bears some resemblance to the recent Clone Wars film. Which was awful. Hopefully this will be better than that.

Also in my sights for this week are a couple holdovers from last week: The indie coming-of-age film, Lymelife starring Rory Culkin. And also American Violet, which I've been trying to see for damn near a month now. I'll get to it this week I hope. Both films are playing at AMC Shirlington, Cinema Arts Theater, and Landmark E Street.



New in theaters that haven't hit the Metro area yet are the Jim Jarmusch spy/thriller/drama/travelogue, The Limits of Control. This one features the talents of Bill Murray, Gael Garcia Bernal, and Tilda Swinton. It's open in limited but will hopefully go wide soon. Also, Mutant Chronicles still hasn't found a way to DC, which means someone out there has it out for ol' Travis. They know how bad I want to see this sci-fi epic starring Thomas Jane and Ron Pearlman. And yet they continue to torture me. Please please!! I ask for so little!