Tillman and The Rock Team Up to go 'Faster'

George "Soul Food" Tillman has signed on to direct the action revenge flick, Faster, starring The People's Champion himself, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The Rock has been signed on to the film for a few months now, portraying an ex-con who seeks revenge against those who killed his brother in a botched heist years earlier. The flick marks a return to the action genre after a couple years spent wasting away on family friendly junk like The Game Plan and Race to Witch Mountain. Gridiron Gang was ok. I'll give him credit for that. Don't even get me started on Southland Tales or I'll be writing all day on the things wrong with that movie.

Tillman first really came to prominence with the urban skewing family drama, Soul Food, which every african-american film has been parroting ever since. His next film, Men of Honor, paired the young director with Hollywood legend Robert Deniro and Hollywood punching bag Cuba Gooding, Jr. His most recent film, Notorious, a biopic about the life of rapper Notorious B.I.G. was a modest success, grossing upwards of $35M.

THR has more on the developments here.

Jessica Alba Marries into the Focker Clan

Back in February 2007 we first heard that a second sequel to the popular Meet the Parents film starring Ben Stiller and Robert Deniro, was already in the planning stages. Since then there have been developments. The entire cast was returning, for instance. The film is rumored to be titled Little Fockers, and would deal with "death and divorce...but in a really comical way". Yeah, that sounds like fun. We also learned that Paul Weitz would be taking over as director. Lateral move, if you ask me.

Now we're getting our first bit of news on something that's actually different about the film, as we're learning that Jessica Alba is in talks to join the cast of the hit franchise. No word has been given as to the role she would play, but it is rumored to be a major one as you'd expect given her own personal star power. Perhaps a girlfriend to Owen Wilson's Kevin?

Little Fockers is scheduled to be released in July, 2010.

New Clooney project 'The American' begins shooting in Italy

Just in from Focus Features, production has begun on 'The American' a suspense/thriller which is an adaptation of a Martin Booth novel. Here's the rundown from the offical press release;

Alone among assassins, Jack (played by Mr. Clooney) is a master craftsman. When a job in ends more harshly than expected for this American abroad, he vows to his contact Larry (Bruce Altman of this fall’s Peter and Vandy) that his next assignment will be his last. Jack reports to the Italian countryside, where he holes up in a small town and relishes being away from death for a spell. The assignment, as specified by a Belgian woman, Mathilde (Thekla Reuten of Focus’ award-winning In Bruges), is in the offing as a weapon is constructed. Surprising himself, Jack seeks out the friendship of local priest Father Benedetto (Italian screen and stage veteran Paolo Bonacelli) and pursues romance with local woman Clara (Italian leading lady Violante Placido). But by stepping out of the shadows, Jack may be tempting fate.

I can't lie....I like George Clooney, the upcoming The Men who Stare at Goats looks hilarious. That being said this looks more like Syriana in theme and I'm not the biggest fan of Clooney when he's not being a goofball. More on this film to come as details emerge.

'The Crazies' One-sheet and plot overview

New from Overture films is 'The Crazies', a remake of an old Romero film but before I screw up the rundown let me give it to you straight from the horse's mouth;

THE CRAZIES is a reinvention loosely based upon the George Romero classic about the inhabitants of a small Iowa town beset by insanity and then death after a mysterious toxin contaminates their water supply. Directed by Breck Eisner and produced by Rob Cowan, THE CRAZIES stars Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Danielle Panabaker and Joe Anderson and will hit theaters on February 26th, 2010.

There's something about the movie poster that's been lost over the years. You know how there seems to be like three stock poses that every movie uses, for instance the heads of the major characters lined up on one side with a tagline at the top. That's EXACTLY the reason I'm digging this one, it's different, and it tells you what you need to know without even really saying anything. Also, it's got that creepy Pleasantville meets Elm St. vibe to it, not to mention that badass cast starting with Tim Olyphant who, F the detractors, is always awesome! Yes, 'Hitman' included.

Zombieland

Whoever knew the zombie apocalypse could be so much fun? Zombies are, in and of themselves rather hilarious creatures. They lumber around single mindedly, only able to focus on one thing at a time, usually involving human brains and the consumption of it. In the devastatingly zany world of Zombieland, the zombies aren't quite so lumbering. They're actually pretty fast, of the 28 Days Later variety, but they're no less stupid and focused. Jesse Eisenberg plays Columbus, named after the city he's trying to get to. Columbus, with good reason, is scared of pretty much everything. A loner at heart, he's managed to survive the zombie-thon by relying on nothing but his own wits and his dozens of rules for staying alive. These rules pop up on the screen hilariously, giving the movie an almost video game effect.

He meets up with a mysterious stranger, a hardened zombie killer known as Tallahassee, played with a sturdy chin by Woody Harrelson. Tallahasse and Columbus, after an initial rough patch which includes a ridiculous Mexican standoff, team up for the duration of their journey. Tallahasee considers himself the best there is at what he does, and what he does is kill zombies. With any tool available he can rip through a horde of the creatures, especially if they stand between he and his one true obsession: Twinkies. Not Snowballs or Suzie-Q's. Only Twinkies will suffice. They are soon joined by a pair of con artists, Wichita and Little Rock(Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin), who after humiliating the guys on more than one occasion decide that maybe it's safer to run in a pack.

That's all the story you really need to know. Zombieland drops you square into the thick of the action, but it's the comedy that never stops. I knew going in that this was a horror comedy, I just had no idea how funny it would be. The laughs never let up even for a second, especially during the film's "quieter" moments when this rag tag group of survivors try to relate to each other, often with disastrous results. Little Rock attempting to explain the conundrum that is Hannah Montana to the hard-nosed Tallahasee? Priceless.

What sets the film apart is that even though it's definitely a comedy, and an awfully gory one at that, there is a real emotional core to be found. All four of these people, without ever realizing it, are probably the only people left on the entire planet that aren't oozing undead juice out of every pore. These for loners have to find a way to create their own makeshift family out of whoever's available, and the bumps along the way are what make them most interesting. Each character is relatable for a different reason. Every performance is solid if not spectacular. Woody Harrelson has the market cornered on zany tough guy action heroes. I don't know what it was about Natural Born Killers but ever since that film he's had this type of role nailed down. Jesse Eisenberg, who most will recognize from Adventureland, plays the role he seems born to play, that of the brainy squeamish geek looking for love. But it's Emma Stone that has become my new obsession. She's done nothing but shine ever since Superbad back in 2007. Something about the maturity she brings to every single role, even if it's in an absurdity like The House Bunny or even here. The fact that she's incredibly sexy has nothing to do with it. Mostly.

First time feature director, Ruben Fleischer, makes one helluva impression. The opening title sequence alone is enough to get you primed for action, featuring the systematic(and undeniably funny) decimation of the human population by the hungry mouths of the zombie horde. There's some obvious nods to some of the best zombie movies ever, but the film that this will be compared to most is Shaun of the Dead. I don't think Zombieland is quite as groundbreaking as that film was, but it's nearly as funny and a welcome addition to the horror sub genre. Did I mention that Zombieland has arguably the best cameo appearance...ever? I won't spoil the details, but it alone is worth your time and hard earned money. So do yourself a favor: If you're going to see any movie about the end of the world, you might as well have fun with it and see Zombieland. You won't regret it.

8/10

Where's the Creature from the Black Lagoon!?!?

With 'The Wolfman' on it's way I see a true revival of the Universal monster's the way they should be...not the mockeries we've seen in the past ten years (Van Helsing's Frankenstein anyone?). This got me thinking, why no love for 'The Creature from the Black Lagoon'? True, he's almost laughable today with his antiquated makeup and special FX but I think of all the monster's he'd probably benefit the most from a modern day makeover, and let's go easy on the CGI people, just call Tom Savini and tell him to go to work. I think it's almost sad that we are remaking and reimagining the modern horror icons like Jason and Freddy but no love is given to the one's that started it all. Hopefully Del Toro knocks 'The Wolfman' out of the park (all signs point to yes on that one), and we will see a rush of well crafted, honest re-do's starting with the Black Lagoon's most famous resident. Let's not forget in that same world we have the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Dracula, Frankenstein (we'll see how 'I, Frankenstein' does first), The Invisible Man, and The Mummy who could all do for a true modern day HORROR makeover. NOTE: I'm not including 'Hollow Man' or the Brendan Frasier 'Mummy' movies as these are not horror remakes, I'm looking for soemthing to stay true to the core story.

Surrogates

Do you secretly wish you could be your favorite character from the video game of your choice? If so, then you'd probably fit right in the futuristic world of Surrogates, where the human population has willingly decided to pack it in and allow their lives to be lived through robotic duplicates. The controllers lounge at home, brains wired like modern day Frankensteins, while their surrogates experience the highs and lows of the outside world. Since everyone can essentially look however they choose, it's eliminated racism, prejudice, and crime apparently. Or so it would seem. That is until a murder is committed outside a swanky nightclub one night, the first murder in many years.

Bruce Willis's Agent Tom Greer is sent to investigate the crime. Willis looks like more like a cigar store indian than an actual human being. His surrogate is deathly creepy, glossy skin and linear features. Willis didn't look this young when he was on Moonlighting, and that was when he was standing next to Curtis "Booger" Armstrong. Greer and his partner, Agent Peterson(Rahda Mitchell), soon discover that the victim is the son of Lionel Canter, the creator of surrogate technology. The question is how did the controller die when his surrogate was destroyed? The surrogate technology was created to prevent exactly that from occurring. The weapon used fries the controller's brain, leaving a goopy mess that reminded me of when that Gremlin was thrown into the microwave.

Greer is thrown headlong into a deep conspiracy. One that leads him to the Dreads, a group of nomadic peoples who reject technology and specifically surrogates. Their leader, the Prophet(Ving Rhames), is a hulking menacing figure who doesn't hesitate to use violence to spread his message. Part of that includes making mincemeat out of Greer's surrogate, and forced to experience the world as his much older, much more frail self, he experiences an epiphany. He now realizes the abomination these surrogates are, and endeavors to re-connect with is wife(Rosamund Pike) who has long since withdrawn totally from everyone around her.

The idea of avatars is one that has become prime story material lately, with films like Gamer, James Cameron's Avatar, also milling a similar theme. It's a concept ripe for exploration, and much like Gamer, Surrogates brushes lightly across the deeper issues involved, but never truly commits. This is basically a crime procedural with robotic decoys in place of humans, and it's their inherent lack of emotion that keeps you from connecting with anybody. It's hard to make an emotional attatchment to characters with no outward emotions whatsoever. I was more concerned about Kim Cattrall in Mannequin than I was anybody in this movie. Hell, I was more concerned about Mesach Taylor than I was anybody in this movie.

Surrogates has such a promising plot that it becomes infuriating watching it devolve into a stock crime picture. I got the impression that a lot was left on the cutting room floor, as nothing ever really seemed to lead where it should. The action isn't particularly intense, and yet the conspiracy angle is lifeless and has all the depth of an episode of Law & Order. It goes exactly where you think it's going to go right from the beginning.

But atleast I managed to stay awake through it. That's gotta count for something.

5/10

Pandorum

This is our blog so I can be honest with everyone here, right? I slept through about 1/4 of this movie. And it's got nothing to do with the 4 hours of sleep I've been averaging for the last month. I put that to the test when I went to see Surrogates later that night and I managed to stay awake through it just fine. No, Pandorum is an excrutiatingly dull film. One that manages to hit all the usual sci-fi tropes without adding anything original to the equation.

Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster star as Bower and Payton, two astronauts suddenly awakened from deep space hibernation. Think the opening scenes of Alien, only with apple sauce smeared over everyone's body. The two have no memory, but soon realize they're on board a sleeper ship in the far reaches of space. There are supposed to be thousands of people aboard, but nobody appears to be in sight. Upon further inspection, they discover that most of the crew is dead, but not all, and that they all might have been the victims of a deep space psychosis known as Pandorum.

But what was the original mission? Why are they out here in the first place? And where the heck did all these monsters come from? These are the larger questions to be answered, and the film chugs along at a glacial pace answering these when it becomes convenient to do so. To be honest, there is little that happens here other than Payton scavenging around dark, dank tunnels and falling a lot. He falls flat on his face more often than Larry, Moe, and Curly combined. The only real drama is whether or not he'll land on his head atleast once and maybe actually be hurt. Dennis Quaid spends the majority of the film lounging in a chair barking orders into a microphone and sounding vaguely disinterested. Funny, that's how I felt too.

Pandorum immediately evokes memories of the far better space thriller, Event Horizon, which should come as no surprise as that film was also overseen by Paul W.S. Anderson. Anderson is merely the producer here, but the nods to his film are obvious not only in look but in tone. The ship is basically one big cave, a floating death trap. But diretor Christian Alvert shoots it in such a dismal manner that it's hard to remain focused. If you're going to make a film like this, where the action is sporadic in between long stretches of inactivity, you've got to atleast make it worth looking at, and that's not the case here.

If you're interested in space horror, you might find something here worth latching on to. Then again, I consider myself one of those people and I spent a good part of the time staring at the back of my eyelids. Maybe it's best you just wait until this hits DVD. You won't have to wait long.

4/10

Polanski Arrest Screws up 'The Ghost'

I've pretty much neglected to talk about the Polanski thing because I prefer to deal with the fun stuff in movies, not the boring legalese. Since I'm already on the subject I might as well just lay it out there: I think this is all a monumental waste of time. I'll leave it at that. What bothers me even more is that his arrest pushes back, and possibly shelves, a film that I've been anticipating since it was first announced. Polanski's latest, The Ghost, was in post-production at the time of his arrest. Polanski's agent says that most of the editing on the film had been completed. Whether or not someone else will come in to complete the process is unknown, but I highly doubt it.

The Ghost is a political thriller that became something of a sensation in the UK back in 2007 due to it's thinly veiled similarities to Tony Blair. The story involves a former British Prime Minister in the midst of writing his memoirs. When his previous ghostwriter drowns under mysterious circumstances, an author is brought in to replace him, and begins uncovering clues about his predecessors demise. Ewan McGregor and Pierce Brosnan star, along with Kim Cattrall and Tom Wilkinson.

The film has already secured international distribution, so there is still hope. No deal has been reached in the U.S. as of now. Roman Polanski's agent, Jeff Berg, seems fairly confident that all will be cleared up.

"There is always interest in movies that Roman distributes," Berg said. "It should be accepted on its own merits, but we feel highly confident we'll find proper distribution."

"I'm always optimistic when it comes to Roman," Berg said. "He's strong, and he has survived every situation imaginable."

I hope he's right.

THR has more on the story here.

Ellen Page to Return as Kitty Pryde?

In an interview with MTV, the question was asked whether or not Ellen Page(Juno, Whip It) would consider returning to the role of Kitty Pryde in the X-men: First Class film. Her response was no doubt quirky and charming:

"I don't even know what it is, so I couldn't tell you," says the actress. "I think Kitty Pryde's rad."

She's rad? What is this? 1985? Did she just finish watching her VHS copy of BMX Bandits or something? First of all, Kitty Pryde shouldn't be in an X-men: First Class movie anyway because it's supposed to deal with the original X-men. So let's shoot that down right now. Second, I think it's kinda cute that she has no idea what homie's talkin' about. Doesn't sound to me like she's going to be involved in the project, but then there's that pesky New Mutants rumor that's been floating around which makes a lot more sense.

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Top Shelf at the Box Office! 9/28/09

And this is why sci-fi movies are a dying genre, because when they actually come out nobody goes to see them. That is unless they have Star Trek or Star Wars plastered across the title. Still, it has to sting a little to get beaten out by a movie about falling pancakes. That's just wrong.

1. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs- $24.6M/$60M

So I guess I really do need to check this movie out, eh? I promised I would see it if it proved to be something of a powerhouse, and two weeks at the top surely indicates that, especially in the face of some stiff competition. Cloudy only dropped a mere 19% from last week, suggesting that hungrey audiences came back for a second helping.

2. Surrogates- $15M

Ouch. When asked about this movie a few days ago by a friend, my response was "It looks like I, Robot and not in a good way". They would kill for I, Robot's opening weekend right now. The Bruce Willis actioner about a world where people have essentially been replaced by robotic duplicates, failed to connect with viewers, and part of me thinks it's because all we really get to see in the TV spots and trailers is this Life Model Decoy of Bruce Willis looking vaguely amused while he investigates a murder. Little action, if any, is shown to indicate that this might be a movie worth sitting through and not just some lame robot procedural.

3. Fame- $10M

I know a lot of people idolize the original, but let's be totally honest and admit that Fame wasn't nearly the classic most people think it was. The smarter play would've been to start this thing over from scratch with a new label, as recent years have shown that there is an audience for musical dramas, but what people want is a new take on it, not a rehash of a film that has just as many negative connotations as positive. If you want an idea how much of a misstep this debut was, just know that it took in less than Take the Lead, an awful film by any measure.

4. The Informant!- $6.92M/$21M

Proving that people just weren't into this week's new crop of films, Steven Soderbergh's price fixing farce held on to 34% of it's audience for a strong second week.

5. I Can Do Bad All by Myself- $4.75M/$44.5M

People continue to watch the same Tyler Perry movie with a different title. The guy is a genius at that, there's no denying.

6. Pandorum- $4.41M

The dismal week for sci-fi films continues with a disastrous opening for the Dennis Quaid spacehip horror. They did themselves no favors with a trailer that was almost incomprehensible, and TV spots that were shorter and yet less decipherable. It always helps to be able to tell what's going on. Plus, other than Quaid there was little real star power to push this thing. I like Ben Foster, but does he put butts in seats? No.

7. Love Happens- $4.33M/$14.7M

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

8. Jennifer's Body- $3.5M/$12.3M

As bad as this drop is, it's actually worse. The gross for the sneak previews of Ellen Page's new coming of age flick, Whip It, went to Jennifer's Body. Now if only they had managed to combine rollerball and Megan Fox in her pj's, they would've had a better movie to push. But hindsight is 20/20 they say.

9. 9- $2.83M/$27.1M

Buoyed by it's amazing visuals, 9 continues to hold strong in the top 10. No, it's not a world beater by any stretch of the imagaination, but considering it's lackluster opening one could have easily figured it'd be off the radar by now.

10. Inglourious Basterds- $2.72M/$114M

Also...

The top per site average of the week went to Michael Moore's latest doc, Capitalism: A Love Story, which raked in $240,000 in only 4 sites. That's enough dough to make any body a little greedy, if you ask me. Next week it expands to more theatres, where it's sure to make a much bigger splash, even if the subject matter is about a year late, if you ask me.

Nightmare on Elm Street teaser trailer!

Last night around midnight, the new teaser for Michael Bay's Nightmare on Elm Street finally hit, and no I didn't sit around waiting for it although I was up watching the Colts/Cards game. In the trailer, we get to see just how thoroughly Jackie Earle Haley has immersed himself into the role of Freddy Krueger. To me, he was the perfect choice for the role, and the scenes of him both before and after the devastating burns that transform him support my thinking. Nightmare on Elm Street is all about mood and tone, and it appears that the film is going to have it in spades.

My chief concern is the same one I have with most Platinum Dunes remakes, in that they all look similar to me, and rarely do anything truly groundbreaking or inventive. Oftentimes it seems like they are content just rehashing the old material and sprucing it up a little. I'm kinda getting that vibe here, too, but I'll withhold judgement for now.

A Nightmare on Elm Street is set to be released on April 30, 2010.

Interview with Danny Trejo- Talks Machete, Sin City 2 and PREDATORS!

The Punch Drunk Critics invaded Horrorfind this weekend, and in between the ghouls, ghosts, and demons we managed to snag a few minutes with cult icon, Danny Trejo. Not only was he extremely nice, a stark contrast to a lot of the harder edged roles he's played over the years in films like From Dusk Til Dawn and Desperado, but he also gave us some sweet info on Machete, Sin City 2, and Robert Rodriguez's Predators! We also managed to get a few minutes with Kristina Klebe, who most will recognize from Rob Zombie's Halloween a couple of years ago. She's got some projects coming down the pipe that sound hella interesing as well, so check it out and let us know what you think!

Hello from Jason Mewes PUNCH DRUNK STYLE!

Really an awesome guy, and for anyone that dare say he's not hilarious go watch 'Zack and Miri Make a Porno' and tell me you can keep a straight face during the dutch rudder scene.

Neve Campbell in for 'Scream 4'

Let me start by saying, I loved 'Scream'. Everything about it was new, refereshing, and at the same time nostalgic and familiar. I probably watched that flick about 70 times during the summer of '97 (no, I didn't have much of a life than either). That being said, I thought it was funny and sad that my beloved movie fell victim to the very rules it set out to make fun of, number #1 being the succession of unneccesary sequels that most if not all horror movies fall to. Well ladies and gents, after years of waiting the next 'Scream' is on it's way. Wes Craven is directing, Courtney Cox and David Arquette are signed and this just in!!!! Neve Campbell, Sidney Prescott herself, has signed on to be in the latest sequel (like any of those three had anything else going on anyway). This thing goes one of two ways because I can't imagine they continue with the original Billy Loomis and his relatives story lines. Either Sidney is killed in the first scene ala Drew Barrymore, setting of the alarm of Deputy Doofy, err...Dewey (Doofy was from 'Scary Movie') to the newly active copycat killer, OR Sidney makes it though the whole movie and is so scarred and traumatized by the past events that we find out she's gone looney tunes and is the new killer. So what'll it be folks? Is anyone even interested in this one? I'm not really even sure that I am.

1st Look at Simon Pegg & Nick Frost's 'Paul'!

Is there anybody in the world who doesn't like Simon Pegg and Nick Frost? If so, me and those people need to have a little chat. I have to be honest, I haven't been keeping as up to date on Paul, their latest re-teaming and the first without director Edgar Wright. For some reason it just hasn't hooked me like the previous two films did, but now that it's getting closer to release I'm starting to get more amped. Collider managed to snag what looks to be a promo shot from the upcoming sci-fi comedy. Pegg and Frost star as a pair of sci-fi geeks on a road trip, who's plans get derailed when they meet up with an alien named Paul(mo-capped by Seth Rogen). Sounds hilarious, and if any director can capture the same magic as Wright did with Pegg and Frost, it's definitely Superbad's Greg Mottola. Check out the shot and let us know what you think!

The List for 9/25/09!

This must be a sci-fi lover's dream. Two top notch, high quality looking flicks featuring robots, clones, and evil aliens rampaging through evil spaceships. If only every week were like this, I'd never leave the damn theatre. Not that I do now.



I was a big fan of Event Horizon awhile back, being one of the few legit creepy space horrors in memory. Big props to Paul W.S. Anderson for that film, even if his career has sucked rhino balls since. But now he's back, so to speak, producing Pandorum which bares more than a passing similarity to that film. Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster(damn he's come a long way since Fast Forward!) star as a pair of astronauts who wake up on a spaceship and with no memory of what happened. They soon find themselves on the run from mutated creatures which have seemingly taken over the ship. As much as I love Surrogates, Pandorum is a film that's right up my alley. I'll be checking it out this morning as soon as I'm done here. Can't wait.



A quick scan of director Jonathan Mostow's work shows Breakdown, U-571, and Terminator 3, the estrogen injected installment of the franchise. Not a bad lineup to hang your hat on, and Surrogates looks like another notch in the director's belt. Based on the Robert Venditti comic book series, Surrogates takes place in a world where people live in near total isolation, choosing to live their lives through robotic "surrogates" that experience life for them. Bruce Willis stars as an FBI agent who must investigate the first death perpetrated through the killing of a surrogate, and uncovers a larger conspiracy within. There's always a larger conspiracy, isn't there? I've been eagerly anticipating this film for months, but now that it's upon us and I've seen more footage, i'm getting a distinct I, Robot vibe from it. That's not a bad thing. I enjoyed I, Robot quite a bit but it's not something I would seek out to watch again. So in that case I hope I'm wrong and this actually exceeds that film. It doesn't have Will Smith in it, which is an automatic plus.

If there's time...



The Punch Drunk Critics will be taking over Horrorfind Weekend all day Saturday, which is prime movie watching time for me. But I should still be able to snag a couple minutes to catch up with Amreeka, a film that first caught my attention a few months. It's the story of a Middle Eastern single mother, who wins a lottery to receive a green card to the US, only to discover that life here ain't all she thought it would be. The trailer looks charming, and the comedy is upbeat and peppy. Most movies covering this subject are either depressing or heavy dark comedies(Towelhead comes to mind), so this is a welcome change of pace. Plus it stars my girl Alia Shawkat from Arrested Development.

No...just...no...



This glossy, sparkling number wouldn't make it through the opening rounds of American Idol, much less hit the big time. There was never any chance I was going to see this, but the fact that it looks more like Center Stage or the bastard cousin of High School Musical only seals it's fate. At least the 1980 original, which I also despise, had some grit to it. It had the look that these people were scrapping it out, pulling themselves from nothing for a shot at stardom. The people I see in this film look more like they fell off the cover of Teen People, which probably ain't far off.



I think Abbie Cornish is the best young actress working today. She's beautiful and shows an emotional range that most actresses her age simply don't have. But not even she can get me to sit through this right now. I'm currently engaging in a strict "No Period Piece Policy" which will end at the exact moment the Detroit Lions win their division. Bright Star is the story of the extremely short life of romantic poet, John Keats, and his inspiring relationship with Fanny Brawne. I might catch this on Netflix one day(the policy only extends to theatre viewing), but sitting through it just seems unbearable right now.

Sin City 2 in 2010?

When asked about the prospects of the long gestating sequel to Sin City, the greatest male actor working today(that's right, I said it) Clive Owen had this to say to MTV:

"I'm hearing it might be next year,"

The sequel has long been rumored to be based on Sin City: A Dame to Kill For. That story details how Dwight came to look as he does in Sin City, which is merely hinted at in the film. Rumors as to who will be playing Dwight's ex-lover Ava have been circulating for years, with Salma Hayek, Angelina Jolie, and Robert Rodriguez favorite Rose McGowan leading the pack. The sequel will also feature a brand new side story focusing on Nancy Callahan, the pole dancing cowgirl played by Jessica Alba.

I was a huge fan of Sin City when it came out, and I continue to love the film even now. It's not perfect, but it completely captures the spirit of the graphic novels. My biggest beef is that it's just too scattershot and all over the place, when it really needed to focus on a single thread, rather than trying to cram in every character in the entire universe. This sounds like a more focused effort. Hopefully Rodriguez can convince Tarantino to come back to direct a few scenes like he did last time.

The Informant!

In 1992, a great conspiracy was afoot. One that they say affected the lives of every American before they even finished their Wheaties in the morning. A corporate plot of such reach and influence, it pumped billions of dollars into the coffers of CEOs and executives, all the while screwing hapless and unaware consumers everywhere. It was the Great Lysine Price-Fixing Conspiracy, and you've got Mark Whitacre to thank for uncovering it. Kinda sounds like the plot of a great thriller, doesn't it? Or a sister to Michael Mann's phenomenal The Insider from 1999. But it isn't. Not in the least. Director Steven Soderbergh's film about a corporate whistleblower is more farce than fact, yet less quirky than you'd expect.

Matt Damon plays Whitacre, a high level muckety muck at ADM. They do something with corn or something like that. Whitacre is a shaky, slippery nerd who has read far too many Clancy novels. When he thinks he's uncovered a mole in the company who's been contaminating the product, the FBI is called in. But rather than simply giving them what they want to know, Whitacre blindsides them with the idea that his company has been engaging in price fixing. He admits to being a part of it. The FBI, led by Scott Bakula and the Soup's Joel McHale, dive head first into this new investigation, with Whitacre as their primary source. They wire him up, plant bugs all over his office, and Whitacre is right at home being the center of his own personal Clancy novel. That being the case he feels the need to narrate his every action, much to the chagrin of the FBI listening in on the other end. If this were a mobster movie, Joe Pesci would've ripped open Whitacre's button down shirt, seen the wires and proceeded to carve him up like a Thanksgiving turkey. But Whitacre is never discovered and is actually fairly effective at the role.

Too bad he's a moron. Well, maybe that's a bit harsh. He certainly fits the description of a moron: unable to keep his mouth shut when it's a necessity; missing the most obvious points; and a startling inability to keep track of his own stories. But he's no dummy. Whitacre is deceptively sly and convincing, and uses every opportunity to paint himself in the best light possible. He soon becomes more trouble than he's worth to all parties involved.

By far Whitacre is the most interesting aspect of the story. Director Steven Soderbergh, a genius by any measurement, leaves the acute details of the actual event on the sidelines. The real story is far less entertaining and probably wouldn't make for much of a movie, so he chooses to focus on Whitacre's zaniness. Matt Damon plays him perfectly. The hardest thing about a character like this is not playing them like a fool. Damon keeps his emotions close to the vest. It's the character's words and delusions of grandeur that spur most of the comedy. The rest of the cast, mostly filled out by comedians with little real acting experience, are adequate. It's another case of Soderbergh experimentation, and it works for the most part...as long as they're cracking jokes. Although this isn't nearly the quirky comedy that the trailers would have you think it is. It's actually pretty quiet and sortof uneventful and repetitive. After you've seen Whitacre run the same play again and again with different folks, it gets a bit tiresome. We're given access to some of his thoughts, most of which are a random array of insights that have little to do with anything. It comes as no surprise that Whitacre was diagnosed with bipolar disorder not long after this entire escapade.

I found myself getting more interested in the way the movie looked than anything else. Shot in this red filter style that makes the movie look like an episode of Laugh-In, I couldn't figure out exactly what the point behind it was. Was it intentionally to make the film look like a 1970s sitcom? That's odd since the story takes place exclusively in the 1990s. Even the way the characters are dressed is retro. The contrast to me was confusing. It looks amazing to be sure, I just couldn't understand why.

Mark Whitacre the man is intriguing and complex, even if the story he's a part of is a bore. Perhaps I went into this expecting greatness, but whatever the reason I left let down. This would've been a better movie if it could commit to either being played straight up or going entirely the comedy route. It's worth seeing to see Damon playing yet another character with a personality disorder, a type he seems to have mastered better than anybody else.

6/10

'The Fly' to recieve a modern day makeover from Croenenberg

Honestly I can't tell you if this is exciting or depressing. David Croenenberg, who was at the helm for the 1986 remake of the 1958 film, is looking to revist Dr. Seth Grundel and his teleportation machine in a reboot of the now classic film. Here's the thing, I know we have the rule that reboots/remakes/reimagining/re-whateverthehellyouwannacallems suck, that's a rule I don't quite agree with, however the one exception to that rule is if modern technology will better serve the film and if it preserves the original theme and spirit of the story. This is an on point example of that, with the original director in place and the advancements in SFX since the late 80's it's possible that a new Fly movie could be awesome, or perhaps not. This is where I take issue and really it's a personal preference but I thought some of the cheesy FX of the 80's gave their movies a certain charm and otherworldlyness with their plastic masks and real physical parts. Surely if they were to remake this movie now it would be all CGI once the transformation begins, will this take away from the movie? NO, it will probably add to it's belivability but personally I like it the way it was. What do you guys think?

Oh...and am I the only one that thinks of this movie everytime I see someone arm wrestle?

No Escaping 2012 on Oct. 1st

In what has to be the largest media blitz in the history of cinema, Sony Pictures is preparing a nationwide "roadblock" for it's end of the world epic, '2012'. Sony has bought up airtime on over 450 media outlets, with the plan to air a 2 minute action sequence from the film to be aired simultaneously throughout the country. That is roughly 90% of the American TV viewing audience, or an estimated 110 million people. Guh. That's not even including the online component, which could add as many as 30 million to the total.

The plan is to have the clip airing between 10:50pm and 11pm, and will be seen on pretty much every channel you might try to run to for escape. Afterwards, if you survive that long, you will have the option of seeing an additional 5 minutes of the film on Comcast On Demand or at Fancast.com.

The Roland Emmerich helmed flick is set to be released on November 3rd.

I know where I'll be at that time, and it won't include being anywhere near my TV. Me and Roland Emmerich don't jibe so well together. The man has never made a film that was even close to me liking. Independence Day? No. The Day After Tomorrow is in my bottom 5 of all-time. And don't even get me started on 10,000 B.C. which featured the prettiest most made up cavewomen you ever did see. And let's not forget his hand in making Godzilla back in '98. But his films make money, that's all that matters. 2012 will be no different. It's big, sweeping, and the trailers are appropriately disasterific. For once, Emmerich has a cast that's worth taking note of. Featuring John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiafor, Woody Harrelson, I can atleast say that this looks the least crappy of all his movies.

As long as nobody gets chased down a hallway by a gust of wind like in The Day After Tomorrow, maybe this won't be so terrible.

He-Man Finds a New Master

Only two weeks ago, Warner Bros. completely scrapped plans for their long gestating Masters of the Universe project, allowing the option to lapse. That project, written by Justin Marks and to be helmed by Kung Fu Panda's John Stevenson, had some legit steam behind it amongst the internet community. Apparently all of that fell on deaf ears. At the time I stated that I thought the film would still get done, but not before 2012, and it looks like I might be right.

Columbia Pictures has swooped in and is now negotiating to secure the rights to the famed 80's toy property about a wimpy prince who wields a sword that turns him into the most powerful warrior in the universe when he utters the words "By the power of Grayskull, I have the power!!" He-Man battles against his nemesis, the skull-faced Skeletor and his army of evil minions. If Columbia does indeed take up the project, it will no longer have Marks or Stevenson attatched, so it would have to start from the ground up.

Good news, indeed. My hope of seeing Rachel Nichols as Teela has been ignited once again.

THR has even more on the story here.

Goyer to Scare up Ghost Rider Script?

In the wake of the Disney/Marvel deal, studios everywhere are fast tracking any Marvel properties they've got sitting on the shelf. They've got to get these films done, otherwise their rights revert back to Marvel. Case in point: Ghost Rider 2 is now being fast tracked by Columbia, hopefully with David Goyer in tow to draft the script. Goyer is not officially signed as of yet, but word is the story will be based on an original idea of Goyer's from some years ago. Goyer has a long history of turning comic book heroes into big screen juggernauts. He basically helped establish the comic book medium as a Hollywood powerhouse of ideas with his highly successful Blade franchise. Since then he has also written both of the most recent Batman films.

Well, I can say that Goyer is a vast improvement over Ghost Rider's previous writer, Mark Steven Johnson. The previous Ghost Rider pulled in middling numbers here in the States, barely recouping it's expenses. Globally however, it totalled something upwards of $220M, which could be considered something of a success. The Ghost Rider premise is ripe for exploration, combing fantasy/sci-fi and religious themes. It also promises heavy emphasis on the visual effects much like the last film. Assuming Goyer does indeed sign on to write, and hopefully direct, this could be a sequel worth keeping a close eye on.

Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut details Revealed!

We kinda knew it was coming, and even though we knew it, some of us(like me) still went ahead and bought Watchmen on DVD anyway like a bunch of maroons. Now Warner Bros. is releasing the details for the Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut on Blu-Ray and DVD. And it's glorious!

Set to release on November 3rd, the 4 Disc Blu-Ray and 5-Disc DVD include the complete, 358 minute(!!!!) director's cut, with the animated Tales of the Black Freighter woven into the story. It also features all of the unedited and deleted scenes taken out of the theatrical cut. Over 2 hours of bonus material, including an audio commenary by Zack Snyder and Dave Gibbons, and other stuff we've already seen in the regular DVD edition. Pre-orders begin on September 29th.

Dude. 358 minutes? That's like watching Walking Tall 5 friggin' times. Not that I could stand to watch Walking Tall even another minute, but you get my point. That's one long ass movie. To watch it, you'd have to take off from work, mark "busy" on your calandar, set aside time to have meals delivered, and possibly wear one of those astronaut flightsuits with the toilet installed. That's just crazy.

Highlander Reboot Lands 'Furious' Director

A few months ago we had reported on the script for the upcoming Highlander reboot, to be spearheaded over at Summit studios. Well now it appears the project continues to run smoothly as Fast and Furious director Justin Lin has officially signed on to helm the project. Highlander tells the story of a group of immortals, destined to engage in single combat against eachother until only one remains. The original Highlander was released in 1986 and starred Sean Connery(as a Spaniard!!!) and Christopher Lambert. Numerous sequels were released afterwards, including a long running TV show(which kicked ass).

Justin Lin is a good choice, as he's already shown he's got a knack for high octane action/adventure franchises. I still have some concern about the script, which seems to miss the point of what Highlander is supposed to be about, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt for now.

Deadpool, Cable, Twitter, Liefeld, and You

If you're not a comic book fan then you've probably never heard of Rob Liefeld. To say that he's a controversial topic amongst us is like saying the Pope's sortof a Catholic. Liefeld is the man who created the character we've all come to know and love as Deadpool, soon to be starring in his own big screen flick starring Ryan Reynolds. The thing about Liefeld is that he's an awful artist, popular during the 90s thanks to his over-muscled, severely disproportionate, twisted figurine bodies. But as a writer? He was even worse. His Deadpool was a one-note merc who cracked the occasional joke. It wasn't until other writers got a hold of him that the Merc with a Mouth became popular enough to warrant his own friggin' movie. So why any studio would feel it necessary to invite Liefeld in on production meetings is beyond me, unless they're trying to make this thing suck. Then again, he actually holds some sort of ownership in the character, so maybe it's a requirement.

On Liefeld's Twitter feed, the ever smirky, homophobic creator let loose a few tidbits of information from that production meeting, some of which shed some light on just how cool this Deadpool movie might be:

Walking into Deadpool movie meeting!!! Yowza!

Great Deadpool movie meeting! Lauren Schuler Donner and her team are headed in the right direction!

Deadpool movie- YES! Ryan Reynolds is on board!!!

Deadpool movie checklist- DP in costume-check! Breaking 4th wall-check! Loads of killing-double check!

Also excited to discuss possibilities of Cable in future X-films!!!

So here we have some confirmation that Deadpool will be in his official costume, and not the lame ass tank top he was sportin' in X-men Origins: Wolverine. The question now becomes whether or not DP will be the scarred, cancerous version he is in the comic and in Origins, or if the studio will feel the need to spotlight their hunky star by showing off his face as much as possible. While I prefer he be as close to the comic version as possible, I can go either way here.

Deadpool "breaking the 4th wall" all but ensures that this is going to be a comedy/action flick, which is as it should be. For those that don't know, breaking the 4th wall is basically when the character in a movie addresses the audience directly and has some awareness of his true reality. The Deadpool character in the comics is well aware that he is in a comic book, and speaks openly about it, much to the confusion to those listening. Hilarious stuff.

But the biggest news to me is the mentioning of Cable possibly showing up in future X-films. Cable was one of my favorite Marvel characters(he sucks right now though!), and seeing him on screen would be awesome. I can already see Sam Worthington tackling the role of the future messiah of all mutantkind on screen. But is he going to show up in an X4? If so, that indicates to me that they are taking a drastically different route with the X-men franchise. Seeing as how Cable is the son of Cyclops and a clone of Jean Grey returned to our time from the future, you can't introduce him without having his story hijack the entire movie. Cable(another Liefeld creation) and Deadpool share a sordid past, and starred in their own comic book together for years, so the possibility exists that he could show up either in the upcoming DP film or in a potential sequel.

So much news out of a few tweets. Another reason why everyone should have a Twitter account. It's where all the news drops first.

Thanks to Rich Johnston at BleedingCool for wrapping up all this in one nice little package.

Cowboy Bebop Script Being Rewritten, Says Keanu Reeves

Awhile ago, we heard that there was going to be a real-live film adaption of the beloved anime "Cowboy Bebop" in 2011. We found out later that the Keanu Reeves will be playing the character of Spike. In an interview with MTV, Reeves says that the script is being rewritten.

""There's a draft of the script, but the writer did such a great job [that] in order to make the movie, you would need half a billion dollars," Reeves said.

It seems that Peter Craig is rewriting the script. It's funny how the excuse for the script being rewritten is that it would cost way too much to make the movie. I think that is a way to say that the studio got their grubby, little hands on it, and are now trying to change it to appeal to the masses. I am worried that it won't be faithful to the anime series anymore.

I bet there will now be a director's cut with how the movie was really envisioned before the studio decision makers, who usually don't know much, started giving their opinion.

To watch the Keanu Reeves interview, click here: http://splashpage.mtv.com/2009/09/22/exclusive-keanu-reeves-says-cowboy-bebop-movie-getting-a-rewrite/

Photo Detail: _Cowboy-BeBop_swordfish-II_48785, originally uploaded by Rock e Anime.

Jennifer's Body

Much like the hapless victims of the title character, Jennifer's Body gets devoured by it's own expectations and mindless marketing campaign. This is writer Diablo Cody's highly anticipated follow-up to her breakout hit, Juno, which catapulted both her and star Ellen Page to super stardom. Since then, Page has struggled to gain a foothold in anything worth mentioning. Cody used it as a launching pad to her own Showtime series, which is pretty good actually. Without question, this film was made for it's star, Megan Fox. It exists so that horny old men like me and teenage wankers can ogle at her goods while she prances around bouncily in the skimpiest of outfits. I have no problem with that(see also: Sorority Row), but once that fades I start looking for a story to keep me interested, and for the life of me I couldn't find one.

Amanda Seyfried(Mean Girls, Big Love) plays Needy, the Sarah plain and tall of this adolescent fetish flick. She's Jennifer's BFF, since they were both playing in sandboxes. Hopefully Needy isn't her given name, but it surely fits her personality. She's constantly living in Jennifer's shadow, and dying for her approval. Jennifer is the top dog, every chick wants to be her and all the guys want to be with her. One night, the two girls attend a rock concert at a dive bar, headlined by some unknown band(led by Adam Brody) called Low Shoulder. The bar burns to the ground White Snake-style, and Jennifer decides to go off alone with the band in their creepy molester van. The band turn out to be not so nice(go figure!), and attempt to murder Jennifer in a satanic ritual to grant them instant celebrity. It works...all except that Jennifer ain't quite dead. Instead she's developed demonic powers and an insatiable thirst for man sauce. By man sauce I mean the blood of dudes. Get your head out of the gutter.

Jennifer uses her obvious charms to sucker in those poor dudes who never would've had a shot at her before. Both the popular and the losers fall victim to her bloody rage, but nobody seems to suspect the worst. Only Needy knows what's going on, mainly because Jennifer is confident enough in their pact of sisterhood to reveal the gory details. But when Jennifer's rampage starts to hit a little too close to home, it's up to Needy to possibly throw their friendship aside and either save her friend or destroy her.

I don't want to be one of those people who jumps on the Diablo Cody hating bandwagon, but the most distracting aspect of this film has nothing to do with the way Megan Fox looks bouncing on the bed in her underwear. Ok, that was pretty distracting too, but the script is absolutely horrendous. After Juno, I had a sense of Cody's writing style, which would be like a cross between Joss Whedon and a promo writer for the WWE. I could almost see Cody's notes all around the drafts of the script saying "Isn't this so hip? Look, I added a "y" to that word to make it sound fresh!" There's an overabundance of this hipster geek dialogue running throughout Juno as well, but at least that film felt personal and had an emotional core to it to sustain it, not to mention the elite acting chops of Ellen Page. It's by no means one of my favorite films, but I can see why someone would love Juno.

What we have here is Megan Fox doing her best impression of an evil kupie doll. She's so overdone and heavily made up that I thought I was watching the unreleased sequel to Memoirs of a Geisha. She pouts her lips, presumably because we guys love that crap, as a response to everything. If she's angry? Pouts her lips. If she's happy? Pouts her lips. I'd like to see someone pout their lips at her for once, her head would probably go all explodey. Fox has been attached to this film from the very beginning. Might as well say it was written for her, and it plays into her public persona perfectly. To me, it's always been a role that seems ill suited for her. She's undeniably hot, like the title character of this film is supposed to be, but there's a distinct lack of sensuousness and sexiness when she's acting, especially when she's trying to be sexy. There's a scene here where Fox is decked out in a cheerleader outfit, which usually I would salivate over on most women, and I spent most of my time noticing just how stiff she was by comparison to everyone else. As attractive as she is, she doesn't wear the role of "hot chick" all that well.

If you're going to make a dark horror/comedy like this, you have to expect the typical tropes to be in play. There are absolutely no surprises to be found here. It's all pretty standard and by the numbers. People you don't care about are killed, and eventually someone is targeted that you're supposed to have an emotional stake in. The seemingly weak hero of the story suddenly gets an injection of never before seen courage, and yadda yadda yadda. Even Sorority Row was less predictable than this. It was like somebody handed out copies of "Horror by Numbers".

Complaining aside, I do realize that this is just a vanity project that should be taken about as seriously as an episode of Three Stooges. It's meant to be fun, and Cody clearly is having a good time with the material.It allows her to indulge in all of her and our fantasies. Women get their revenge on us evil men. Us evil men get some hot lesbian action to mull over during those quiet, personal moments. For that, Cody gets my thanks. It's her voice that dominates this film. The director's hand is barely at play, except for a few none too subtle camera pans of Fox's nether-regions. I hate to say it, but this would've been a better film without Cody's influence. Guess I'm turning into a hater after all.

5/10

More X-men Movies to Come?

Who the hell thought a press event for the loathsome X-men Origins: Wolverine Blu-Ray release could have interesting tidbits of news? You'd think they'd just spend the entire time apologizing for the 2 hours of our lives we flushed away, and offer free passes to a future Deadpool screening or something as penance. But nope. Good thing Slashfilm was there to catch these little nuggets about the future of the X-men franchise. Here are the highlights courtesy of producer Lauren Shuler Donner...

-Contrary to Tim Pocock's(he played young Cyclops in X-men Origins) tweet from a few days ago, X-men: First Class is not scheduled to start in February 2010, and in fact has no scheduled start date at all. No actors have been signed to the film, either. Then she revealed that all the young actors from the previous films have options for future movies, so you might as well count them in if/when First Class gets off the ground. First Class is intended to be the story of the first group of X-men(Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm, and others) and their earliest missions as a team under Xavier's tutelage.

-Donner admitted that she has two X-men related films she's currently trying to get off the ground. The first is a big screen version of The New Mutants! Serious? The New Mutants for those that don't speak comic book nerdese, are basically the next generation of mutants to graduate from the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters. Considering the odd chronology of the movies, I'm not sure where this team would fit in, since all of the X-men on screen are relatively young in appearance...with the exception of Fammke Janssen's Jean Grey, who looks like she's robbin' the cradle with ol' Cyclops.

-And the second project is...wait for it.....X4! Whether or not this would reunite the original X-men cast(most of which are dead or gone) or bring in a new core group is unclear. After the disaster that was The Last Stand, one hopes they decide to get back to basics somewhat, and hire a director who...y'know...can actually direct.

None of these projects are officially underway as of yet, but the mere fact that Donner had the sand to talk about them in public means she's pretty confident they'll get done. We'll be keeping an eye on these projects for sure.

WB Uncovers Sherlock Holmes sequel!

Warner Bros. never misses a beat, do they? With Sherlock Holmes' release date still three months away, WB has already started looking ahead to a sequel to the Guy Ritchie helmed mystery/actioner. Variety is reporting that the studio has already hired Kieren and Michele Mulroney to script the sequel. WB is hoping Sherlock gains enough steam to become a potential cash cow franchise, and this is a pre-emptive step in that direction, assuring that if the film is a success there won't need to be a long production time in between films. The Mulroneys are probably best known for writing the Justice League animated series which lasted for three seasons.

There are rumors floating around that Brad Pitt is in negotiations to play Holmes' nemesis, Moriarty, in the sequel. Some even go so far as to say that he's already shot some of the scenes, but this is confirmed by nobody at this stage.

This is a smart move, because I think we can all reasonably expect that Sherlock Holmes will at least be something of a hit when it finally comes out. I don't think it's going to be a runaway success, however, just based on Guy Ritchie's box office track record here in the States. Globally, however, Ritchie fares pretty well and the combination of he, Downey, and Law should mean big bucks globally and a surefire start to a successful franchise.

Behind The Scenes: The A-Team Van

Well here's apparently the first set photo from the upcoming 'A-Team' movie. Now I wasn't even sure they had the whole cast together so it seems a bit early for set pics but /Film is pretty good and they seem to think it's legit. I couldn't be happier if this is really from the set because that means the filmmakers decided not to mess with an icon and update or change the van. The ATeam van is right up there with the General Lee or K.I.T.T. and is an 80's icon, you remember how pissed people were about the pimped out Optimus Prime. Anyway, this makes me think that the powers that be are going to try and stick to the trusted formula used in the TV show which is outstanding in my book. Hopefully we'll have much more to come....I can't wait to see how Rampage looks on set as B.A. Baracus, (BTW, does the B.A. stand for Bad Ass?).

Harry Brown official trailer!

The title might seem a bit unimpressive on it's face, but one look at the trailer for Harry Brown shows exactly why it's one of the coolest looking films coming up. Featuring the king of old man cool, Michael Caine as an ex-Marine who seeks bloody vengeance against a gang when they murder his best friend, Harry Brown looks like Taken and Gran Torino all rolled up into one. The film is set to drop in the UK in November 2009 but nothing yet on a US release. But you can bet, after the success of the previously mentioned films, it'll find it's way here one way or another. There's obviously an audience for seeing grumpy old men kickin' the asses of us young whippersnappers.

The Kung-Fu/Karate Kid

Well....after hearing the rumors it looks like the remake of 'The Karate Kid' is actually going to happen and has allready begun shooting. To be completely honest I'm not as against this as most people probably are. I've liked most of the films featuring this scenario including the first three Karate Kid movies and even 'Sidekicks' with the unstoppable Chuck Norris. That being said I do worry about Jaden Smith, the kid is hit or miss for me, I liked him in 'The Pursuit of Happiness' but that's about it, at the end of the day he is Will Smith's blood so I have no doubt that he'll probably pull it off. The thing I really like is the casting of Jackie Chan. He is perfect for the role of mentor, tough and a master of Kung Fu but at the same time somewhat silly and easy going. I like Chan, always have, and probably always will. I'm going to hope this movie goes well and we get a quality product out of it, after all not every remake/reimagining has to suck....does it? Below are some still from the set, I do like that it appears they are going for real martial arts training and I LOVE seeing Chan at work, that and Smith doesn't look completely out of place which is encouraging. Thanks to /Film for the poster and Hey U Guys Blog for the set pics!

The Punch Drunk Podcast Episode #32: 9; World's Greatest Dad; Sorority Row

This week on the Punch Drunk Podcast....

-The world needs saving, and only a ragtag group of Chex cereal lookin' creatures can do it! We marvel at the beautiful world that is Tim Burton and Shane Acker's 9!

-Not that I would know, but being a Dad must be tough. Especially if your kid is a douchebag like in Bobcat Goldthwait's latest black comedy, World's Greatest Dad!

-DVD releases for the week, including two modern day classics finally hitting Blu-Ray and... are we endorsing a Matthew McConaughey film? What the..?

-Big time news on major casting changes to The A-Team; plus what's all this about an Indiana Jones 5?

-A bladed lug wrench; a hooded figure stalking a house full of smokin' hot sorority sisters. We pop our eyeballs back into their sockets long enough to review the shockingly fun, Sorority Row!

We hope you'll join us for another fun "hour" of movies, movies, movies, and other random geeky bits. You can find The Punch Drunk Podcast on Itunes or any other podcast directory, or you can subscribe to us directly here. Please send your questions, comments, complaints, praise, money, to punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com!

Win Passes to an Advanced Screening of Couples Retreat!

What up, folks? I've been lucky enough to score passes to two great looking films tomorrow: Zombieland starring Woody Harrelson, and Couples Retreat featuring the reuniting of Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. Since cloning is out of the question and my evil twin is currently incarcerated I can't be two places at once, which means one of these bad boys is going to waste. So I thought I'd leave it open to a few of my folks in the DC/Metro area to win a set of passes to Couples Retreat by answering a simple trivia question. Now please, only enter if you can make the show. The screening will be held at AMC Tysons Corner, September 22nd at 7:00pm. The pass admits two people. I'll pick the winner at random from the winning entries, which you can send to punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com. I will forward you the tickets via email at the conclusion of the contest, which will be at 6pm tonight. Got it? Ok, so here's the question:

"Couples Retreat star Malin Ackerman has appeared in two movies about murderous secret societys ruling college campuses. What are those two films?"

Send me your answers by 6pm eastern tonight for a chance to win! Send your answers to punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com!

Top Shelf at the Box Office! 9/21/09

Surprisingly, this turned out to be a pretty good weekend in terms of box office numbers for the ol' thirty mile zone. But for me it was a bit of a letdown, as both Jennifer's Body and The Informant ended up being less fun than I expected. Not that any of that matters for this column. I'm just sayin'.

1. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs- $30.1M

Ok ok, I'll go see the damn movie. Last week I stated that I had no desire to see this film, unless it does abnormally well and is heaped upon with praise. So it looks like I've got a reason to check it out. It's opening is the largest for an animated flick in September ever. What I'm finding interesting about all these numbers lately is that they are being bolstered by an abundance of 3-D theatres, which cost more, and IMAX screenings, which also cost more. So less people are seeing these films, but due to the increased cost they are pulling in greater dollars. Not sure what that says about the true popularity of movies like this, but since it's top dog, the least I can do is see the thing.

2. The Informant!- $10.5M

$10.5M doesn't sound like much, and to be honest it really isn't much of an opening, but for a Soderbergh film that isn't nearly as mainstream as the TV spots would have you believe, this has to be encouraging. The tone of the film is much more in line with his most recent independent efforts, and not at all the screwball comedy it's being pitched as. Considering the film only cost $20M to produce, I'm sure Soderbergh sees this as a success, even if the studio was expecting something a bit higher. It'll be interesting to see what happens next week now that people are realizing what the film actually is. I'm betting a massive drop in revenue, probably near the bottom of the list.

3. I Can Do Bad All by Myself- $10.1M/$37.9M

Now that the old women and their church groups have stopped organizing bus trips to see this movie, it takes a nice big 57% nosedive. If only I could organize some sort of national Bingo weekend the next time a Perry movie is released it would cut his profits by half.

4. Love Happens- $8.46M

The studio says that 78% of the audience for this film was female. They also reported that bears sh*t in the woods.

5. Jennifer's Body- $6.8M

This should come as no surprise. All appearances to the contrary, Megan Fox is not an established box office draw. Just because she's hot doesn't mean people are going to flock to a movie that basically features nothing but her in skimpy gear. Now with that said, it's certainly one of the reasons I wanted to see it. They would've been better served hyping up that this was Diablo Cody's follow-up to Juno, and maybe pushing the Amanda Seyfried character a bit more. As it stands, this is a monumental dud of an opening considering the massive marketing campaign behind it.

6. 9- $5.46M/$22.8M

It's not often that a major release adds theatres to it's run at this stage, but 9 actually added an additional 400 theatres this week. It still dropped nearly 50%, but the additional theatres means that there's something of a vote of confidence for this film.

7. Inglourious Basterds- $3.6M/$110M

Now officially Tarantino's highest grosser surpassing Pulp Fiction.

8. All About Steve- $3.4M/$26.7M

9. Sorority Row- $2.49M/$8.87M

You people suck for not supporting this movie. Do I need to put up that picture of the cast, again?

10. The Final Destination- $2.38M/$62.4M

So many horrors of similar type have pretty much spelled the end of this film, although it's tally is nothing to sneeze at.

My Top 5 Movie Romances

Contrary to popular belief, I love romance movies. It's the romantic comedy that I typically meet with derision, and for good reason. They're too formulaic and full of themselves. But I adore a good movie about two people's love defying seemingly insurmountable odds and love conquering all, yadda yadda yadda. When I first saw the trailer for Love Happens, the cookie cutter posing as a movie starring Jennifer Aniston, it looked like everything I despise about romance movies. So it made me think about the romance movies I actually really like. Came to realize there aren't a helluva lot of 'em, and the ones I really did get into I already own, so they weren't hard to find. So in "honor" of that film's release, let's take a look at my five favorite romance movies...

5. Crazy/ Beautiful(2001)

Chalk this up as the one time I liked Jay Hernandez in anything. Ok, that's not true. He got killed real good in Hostel 2. What I thought would be a trite, shallow teen angst flick surprised the hell out of me with a surprisingly mature take that could appeal to both teens and adults. But it was Kirsten Dunst who really won me over here, proving to me for the first time just how good of an acress she could be. During a time when teen movies were either overly stupid or took themselves way too seriously, Crazy/Beautiful was a cut above the rest.

4. Breaking the Waves (1996)

Some would argue that Lars Von Trier's film about a simple woman named Bess, who degrades herself physically at the expense of her faith all for her crippled husband isn't a romance story. But I disagree. It's as much a story about love as anything, and the sinking depths people will go to in order to hold on to it. It also happens to be a story about spirituality and the testing of it. Filmed in Von Trier's "controversial" Dogme 95 style, the gritty camera work adds a sense of realism to the film that can't be denied. I maintain that Emily Watson's miraculously precise performance as Bess is the single best performance by a female I've ever seen. Period. The story is beautiful but heartbreaking, and oftentimes uncomfortable to watch. It's virtually impossible to find a completely uncut version of the film(I saw the uncut version once and haven't found it since), but if you can get your hands on the regular edition it'll more than suffice.

3. Ghost (Special Collector's Edition) (1990)

Ah yes, the film that made the pottery wheel a euphemism for foreplay. The best example of love truly being eternal, Ghost is considered one of the most memorable films ever by many, including myself obviously. Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze's chemistry on screen, even after Sam's untimely death, is immeasurable. And if you can get past the fact that their one great romantic scene isn't so much her and Swayze as it is her and Whoopi Goldberg, it's a straight up scorcher.

2. All the Real Girls(2003)

Most people recognize the name David Gordon Greene from last year's Pineapple Express, but before he was making lame stoner comedies he was an indie auteur. All the Real Girls is arguably his best film, featuring two actors I knew nothing about back then but have grown to love ever since: Paul Schneider and Zooey Deschanel. It's the story of a small town womanizer named Paul, who has grown tired of all the fast women and short relationships. He wants to change and start a normal life, and he sees the opportunity for that with his best friend's sister, Noel. She's different than everybody Paul's ever dated, more mature and contemplative, which causes problems. But the two fall in love, much to the chagrin of Noel's brother who knows Paul's cheating ways. Why is this movie so great? All the Real Girls pulls no punches. It's often uncomfortably real, and the acting by Schneider(who also co-wrote) and Deschanel is spot on. The way it portrays how a real, lasting relationship completely changes both people is perfect, even if that change isn't always what everyone wants.

1. Once




From the moment Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova(known in the film as Guy and Girl) perform "Falling Slowly" in the middle of the music shop, I knew I was watching something I hadn't seen before. Once might be the most perfect romance film I've seen, and yeah it's more a musical but the songs perfectly convey the emotions of the two main leads. It's not often that I say that a film made me feel truly happier for having seen it, but that's how I felt walking out of this. It's a simple story, about a poor musician in Ireland, who by chance happens upon a girl who's love of music is as deep as his own. The two share an attraction, but life's little complications stand in the way. He still carries a torch for his ex, she has a husband living in another country. But through their mutal love of music, the guy and girl are able to share levels of emotion that they can't truly act upon. The music alone, all of it written and performed by the two leads, makes this movie worth seeing a million times over(I've watched it atleast a dozen times by now). But the real emotion brough out by these two non-actors is so honest and real that the two became a real life couple in the process of shooting. The Once soundtrack is a must own, and if you get a chance to see The Swell Season live like I have, it's a real treat. I can honestly say that Once will be a move I will return to over and over again and never get tired of.

So that's my top 5 romance films. I'm sure I've left off a million of 'em that most people typically love but that's why this is my list and not theirs. In two weeks I've got a ton of movies to pull ideas for a Top 5 from, including Michael Moore's new film Capitalism: A Love Story, The Invention of Lying, and Whip It. Maybe I'll do top 5 sports films. Or top 5 movies about greed. If you have suggestions for a Top 5, shoot 'em on over to punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com.

Green Lantern Supporting Characters Revealed

Rather than deal in speculation or wait for that pesky script to make it's rounds on the internet(as they all do) to figure out what the Green Lantern movie is going to be about, why not just take a gander at the casting notice and draw our own conclusions? All that we really know so far is that Ryan Reynolds is the lead, presumably as Hal Jordan, greatest Green Lantern of 'em all(although I'm partial to Guy Gardner). But we know little else. So let's take a gander at the casting call and see what's up...

[DR. HECTOR HAMMOND]
27-35, Character actor who is austere and impersonal, he is real “scummy.” He is a pathologist and also the son of a Senator.

[SINESTRO]
Mid-30s to Mid-40s, he is smart, tough, intimidating and in great physical shape.




The key character here is Sinestro, fierce enemy of the Green Lantern Corps and personal nemesis of Hal Jordan. Likely, the film will revolve around his downward spiral as one of the Corps' greatest heroes to one of the universe's most wanted criminals. If Peter Dinklage(The Station Agent) were a couple feet taller I'd say he was perfect for it.

[ABIN SUR]
Mid-30s to mid-40s, he is a great warrior.



I don't want to speculate on the path the film is going to take, but Abin Sur is the alien who, as his last living act, deemed Hal Jordan worthy to carry the mantle of a Green Lantern. Chances are something similar will happen in the film, but we shall see.

[CAROL FERRIS]
26-32, a smart and attractive woman with an MBA. She started as a pilot and now runs Ferris Aircraft. She is a work-a-holic…FEMALE LEAD



This looks like it's going to be the other main character opposite Green Lantern himself. In the comics, Carol is one of Hal's greatest loves, but she eventually betrays him and becomes the evil Star Sapphire. I doubt we'll see her don the hot purple spandex this film, but assuming this becomes the franchise WB wants it to become, count on seeing this transformation take place at some point. Y'know who'd be perfect for this part? Mary Elizabeth Winstead(Death Proof, Sky High).

The List! 9/18/09

Last week was a monster, and so I crammed my week with pretty much every single film that was on my list, with the exception of The September Issue which I will definitely catch up with this week. Now that the NFL schedule has normalized(no more Thursday night games for awhile) I can get back into the groove. Unfortunately, there's not a lot to choose from this week, as we enter the post-summer duldrums. Fewer films, but typically higher quality films to choose from. This week though? Not so much. One great pick and one guilty pleasure pretty much round out the picture, ensuring I'll have plenty of time to catch up on Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. Yes, I am a dork.



Consider Steven Soderbergh's The Informant! to be the crazy little brother to Michael Mann's The Insider. Both films are about whistle-blowers at large corporations, only The Informant's Mark Whitacre can best be described as "wackily delusional". The film is based on the true story of the Lysine price fixing conspiracy, which on it's face sounds painful boring, but Soderbergh and Matt Damon amp up the quirk and comedy to an obscene degree. The trailrs alone had me dying with laughter, and the cast is full of brilliant big screen comedic talents. Strangely it's listed as being only in limited release, but you can find it pretty much everywhere. Saturday night I'll be hosting a Meetup to see this, so if you're interested in tagging along you're welcome to join us.



Do I really need to go into detail on why I want to see this? Just look at the poster. I'm a sucker for schoolgirl outfits anyway, but come on, Megan! Jennifer's Body is more a dark comedy than it is a horror, so expect plenty of cheesy laughs probably at the expense of us hapless men. Looks kinda like a more evil version of Heathers, and since it's written by Diablo Cody(Juno) I'm pretty sure it'll sound like Heathers, too. Atleast I know the script will be whip smart and snappy, and there'll be plenty to look at.

If there's time...



Typically I wouldn't even consider seeing this movie, about the lives of three very different women dealing with love in all it's various stages. But it's written and directed by Guillermo Arriaga, who wrote and directed Amores Perros, 21 Grams, and Babel. All three of those movies are great. Much like those films, this one features a non-linear structure to the story, which some find annoying but I think works when done correctly. Starring Charlize Theron and Kim Basinger(who I don't think I've seen since The Door in the Floor), this one has some acting chops behind it. Surprised it's not received more buzz. In the DC Metro area you can find The Burning Plain at Landmark E Street Cinema.


Like I said previously, I'll be catching up on The September Issue this week without a doubt. Otherwise it's a pretty quiet week.

No...just...no...



I think I've made it pretty clear here and on my twitter page(@punchycritic) that you couldn't get me to see this movie if you had my entire DVD collection tied to the railroad tracks and a train barrelling towards it. Just one look at the trailer gives us some of the stiffest, fakest, inhuman dialogue I've ever heard like "You have to allow yourself to start living again". Urrrghh!!! Who talks like that to anybody who's not laying on a therapist's couch? "You get with these guys with expiration dates right on their foreheads". Blech!! That's funny. My patience for this movie expired the instant Aniston and Eckhart literally bump into eachother to start their courtship. I'll pass. But I'd love it if someone who sees this turkey can let me know just how painful it really is.



I've got nothing against this movie. It looks fine. I'm sure it's ok. I've just soured on it after being deluged with trailers for it the last few weeks. And TV spots are just horrendous. The animation doesn't do much for me, although to be fair nothing is going to look again after the wonder that was '9'. It just looks like too much of a kiddie flick, and I'm not in the right frame of mind for that right now. If I was I would've gone to see Shorts a couple of weeks ago. If I hear that this is somehow the best animated film of the year, I might change my mind.

Kick-Ass Sequel Already in the Works??

With Kick-Ass still a distant 7 months away from premiering, writer/creator Mark Millar has let it slip that a sequel is already in discussion. The famously boisterous comic book writer told MTV:

"The series ends on a teaser for the next one, and the movie ends on that teaser, too," says Millar

Of course this is all dependent on Kick-Ass being a hit, something I'm wavering in my opinion on. Even though comic book films have been some of the highest grossers over the last decade, the mostly unknown comic adaptations have been sorta hit or miss. Before Watchmen I would've said absolutely that Kick-Ass is a surefire hit. Now I'm not so sure.

Demand Paranormal Activity in your area!!!

As you guys probably saw a few days ago we posted a trailer for a new low budget flick called 'Paranormal Activity'. The movie looks terrifying and well...downright awesome. Unfortunately unless you live in one of the cities it's already playing in then your only choice for a scary movie around Halloween is 'Saw 6', do I need say more? Here's the official press release regarding showings;

HOLLYWOOD, CA (September 15, 2009) – Paramount Pictures will debut the Slamdance and Telluride Film Festival favorite PARANORMAL ACTIVITY at a midnight screening on September 24 at the Alamo Draft House to kick off Austin’s Fantastic Fest. The screening will be introduced by Ain’t-it-Cool-News founder and Fantastic Fest co-founder Harry Knowles.

Additionally, for the first time ever, fans around the country will get a chance to see the movie at the same time. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY will hold concurrent midnight screenings in seven additional markets in the U.S, including Los Angeles (ArcLight Hollywood), New York (Landmark Sunshine Theater), San Francisco (The Castro), Chicago (The Music Box), Boston (The Coolidge), Atlanta (The Plaza) and Seattle (Neptune).

The film will receive midnight “sneaks” starting September 25 at midnight in the following cities and theater: Austin (Alamo Draft House); Seattle (Neptune); Ann Arbor, Michigan (State); Durham, North Carolina (Southpoint 16); Baton Rouge, Louisiana (RAVE Mall of Louisiana 15);Boulder, Colorado (Cinemark 16); Columbus, Ohio (Studio 35); Orlando, Florida (AMC Universal Cineplex); Madison, Wisconsin (Marcus Eastgate 16); Santa Cruz, California (Del Mar 3); State College, Pennsylvania (Premiere College 9); Tucson, Arizona (El Con); and Lincoln, Nebraska (Ross Media Center).
Additional midnight sneaks will follow on September 26, and October 1, 2 and 3.

Directed, written and produced by Oren Peli, the innovative thriller stars Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat. The film was produced by Jason Blum. Steven Schneider served as executive producer.

“Midnight at Fantastic Fest is the ideal place to launch the theatrical release of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY,” says Knowles. “Like the main couple in the movie, I dare anyone in the audience to try and sleep the rest of the night.”

In PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, after a young, middle class couple moves into what seems like a typical suburban “starter” tract house, they become increasingly disturbed by a presence that may or may not be demonic, but is certainly most active in the middle of the night. Especially when they sleep. Or try to.

Follow PARANORMAL ACTIVITY on Twitter at www.Twitter.com/TweetYourScream, where you can find reactions from these screenings, press reviews, and future engagement announcements.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY not playing in your area? DEMAND IT! Bring it to your city by visiting ParanormalMovie.com!

So here's where you come in...if you want to see it and it's not in your city click here and demand it. If you're not a fan of the genre or just don't want to see it, do me a favor and Demand it for the Washington D.C. area. Thanks everyone I don't think you'll be disappointed in this one!

Famous Douche Nozzle to make Feature Debut as Himself

Of all the things I never really wanted to see Lebron James do, acting is probably at the top of the list. I don't really want to see him play basketball, either, but that's easily avoidable. I've got the parental controls on my cable box set to "No Egotists". The "global icon" an all around sore loser will make his feature starring debut in a new comedy called Fantasy Basketball Camp. What the hell kinda weak ass title is that? Space Camp was one thing. Fantasy Basketball Camp sounds like a working title, not a finished product. I wonder if the Boy Wonder made it up himself in between shunning fan sessions.

The story, which is being handled by uber-producer Brian Grazer, revolves around a bunch of hapless dudes who attend Lebron's fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas, in hopes of living out their dreams. As often happens when you attend one of these celebrity retreats, Lebron gets mixed up in the personal issues of these guys, some of them funny but some more serious.

I wonder if the film tanks if he'll hold a press conference condeming Universal Pictures, all the while wearing a Dreamworks t-shirt and ballcap.

1st Look at Blood Simple Remake, 'Three Guns'!

When I first heard that Zhang Yimou was remaking the Coen Bros. directorial debut, Blood Simple, I thought that there was absolutely zero chance it'd be at all faithful to the source material. Zhang Yimou is the guy who directed House of Flying Daggers a few years ago, one of the most beautiful, operatic films of the last few years. He also directed the great Jet Li classic(in my opinon anyway), Hero. Yimou is known for his beautiful cinematography and set design, and his films are always heavily thematic. That's why I knew this would be a remake in theme only, because his style in comparison to the Coens' is vastly different.

For those that don't remember, Blood Simple was the Coens' noir thriller from back in 1985. It detailed the story of a husband who hires a detective to murder his cheating wife and her love. What was supposed to be a simple plan devolves into a convoluted, bloody mess. I remember not liking the film all that much at first, probably because I was too young to understand it, but it's really kindof a quiet gem to me nowadays. Taking a look at these shots from Yimou's remake, titled Three Guns, I can see that I was right about it not being faithful at all. The story takes place in a noodle shop rather than a mangy old bar, and it appears to be more of a period piece. Not that it matters, the shots are beautiful as expected. Consider this one of the movies I'll be following closely from here on out.






Slashfilm has more on the story here.

Whiteout

It must be pretty rough when you constantly take second fiddle to a snowdrift. But that's exactly what happens through this glacially paced, slow as molasses in February crime "thriller". Kate Beckinsale is a US Marshall stationed in Antarctica, and if that phrase alone makes you laugh then maybe there's some hope that you'll find something to enjoy about this crap. When a murder is discovered on the frozen continent, it's up to her to find the culprit before the arctic winter hits and life basically shuts down for months.

To say that Kate Beckinsale's character, Carrie, is as lifeless as a zombie is to do an injustice to zombies everywhere. They should revolt. When Carrie discovers multiple corpses, all pretty badly ravaged I might add, her reaction is akin to if she accidentally stepped on an M&M and made a mess. I could understand a polished, hardened vet who's seen some pretty screwed up stuff, but there are no murders in Antarctica. I think they even state that this was the first in their history, so she might want to act like it. Just a little.

Based on the brilliant graphic novel by crime writer Greg Rucka, the film lacks any of the book's pacing and atmosphere, which is weird since you'd think atmosphere is something the film would have in spades. Instead the mammoth snowfall serves as little more than window dressing for what is a stock TV movie procedural. It's like watching an episode of that awful Dragnet remake only everybody's wearing parkas. What's more, when an action sequence finally does take place at the film's "grand" finale, it's so covered in white that it looked like a Tea Party rally. It was impossible to tell what was going on. Ugh.

Tom Skerritt shows up to help drive home the TV movie feel of this dud. This ain't Picket Fences, homie. Columbus Short(Armored, Stomp the Yard) is here doing yeoman work as the guy who discovers the murders, but he might as well be a lampshade. And low and behold, there's Gabrielle Macht. He's becoming quite adept at stinkin' up comic book adaptations, fresh from Frank Miller's The Spirit just last December. He might as well have "red herring" stamped across his forehead. He plays another agent somehow tied up in this great big Antarctic murder conspiracy. The Great Muppet Caper was more compelling. Pass on this.

4/10

9

The fur flies thick and often in '9', the visually stunning post-apoclyptic story by writer/director Shane Acker. In fact, there's scarcely a breath between the action. From the opening moments when 9, a miniscule humanoid creature who looks like he's made out of nuts, bolts, and Chex mix wakes up in a run down laboratory, he's on a mission of survival. One look outside the doors reveals a barren, desolate world devoid of any life. The human population? Non-existent. 9 quickly comes across another like himself, designated '2', but he soon realizes they are not alone, for they are being stalked by The Beast.

The Beast serves The BRAIN, a sentient machine created after a great world war. The BRAIN was never properly tested, and once it gained control began creating it's own army which it used to wiped out the human population. Out of desperation, a scientist created these 9 stitchpunk dolls to save what little of humanity they could.

The rest of these stitchpunks all have their own unique personality traits to set themselves apart. 1 is the oldest and supposedly wisest, but he's more like he's been given the soul of one of the Grumpy Old Men. He's gripped by a terrible fear of the Beast and does little but hide. 5 quickly becomes 9's closest ally. He's a devoted friend, dilligent worker, and kind soul. Then there's 7, the lone female. She's a fierce warrior and true loner of the bunch. She openly wages her version of a war against the BRAIN's machines. I really dug how Acker modeled 7 almost like an action figure. She's cooler and slicker than the rest, more lithe and streamlined. But 9 realizes almost immediately that he's different than the rest. He's younger, more rebellious, more defiant, more motivated to end the nightmare rule of the BRAIN than the rest. There's some interesting culture clash that goes on between the upstart 9 and 1, but it's mostly surface stuff.

Unfortunately that's the biggest problem I have with this film. 9 started out as a short story by Shane Acker, and while I never saw it I can see where maybe there wasn't enough material to quite fill the whole page. This story jumps basically from action sequence to action sequence, with little explanation of what is actually going on. I got the feeling that they were trying desperately to pad out time to make this even as long as it was, and considering the film is only about 75 minutes long that's pretty sad. The concluding battle is the most drawn out episode, and it's so full of plotholes and "what the hell??" moments that I basically just threw my arms up and marveled at the pretty pictures.

But boy are those pictures gorgeous. They match the amazing voicework by Elijah Wood, Christopher Plummer, and Jennifer Connelly. They give these creatures a depth of life that the script simply can't match. I'd love to see this film remade or maybe even a sequel, that is not totally based on Acker's short. Maybe then a brand new, more fleshed out story can be developed that can equal the breath taking visuals.

6/10

The A-Team in Talks with an A-Lister

Well, I guess she's an A-lister. She's certainly got an A-list pair of...um, she's certainly got A-list acting ability. Yeah,that's it. The Hollywood Reporter dropped this nugget about Jessica Biel currently in negotiations to join the 80's remake as a former lover of Bradley Cooper's "Faceman" Peck. Now an Army general, she's tasked with bringing the fugitive A-Team to justice.

On the one hand, adding Biel to the mix amps up the hotness quotient 1000%, which is always a good thing. This isn't a movie that's going to require her to stretch her emotional range or anything, so she should fit right in. Not saying she can't act, because she most certainly can, but let's be honest and say that her strongest asset is her screen presence. On the other hand, I'm getting the distinct impression that this movie is becoming more about the people in it and less about the story. Kinda like director Joe Carnahan's last stinkfest, Smokin' Aces, which looked pretty but was flimsy on plot. I hope I'm wrong.

Paranormal Activity feature trailer!

The only reason I know about Paranormal Activity at all is because John tweeted about it. I typically don't follow much horror, although it seems lately I've been getting sucked more and more into it. We've seen these types of trailers and spots before, where they hype just how terrifying their film is by showing the reactions of a live crowd as they watch it. In these spots, EVERYONE always jumps out of their seat at the same time and I always get the distinct impression it's right on queue. But based off the overwhelming response from those who've actually seen this movie, I'm starting to think otherwise. Described as "genuinely horrifying" and "one of the scariest movies of all time", Paranormal Activity is the story of a couple who become tormented by a demonic presence. Check out the trailer and let us know what you think!



Think it looks interesting but it's not playing in your town? Yeah, it ain't playin' here in VA/DC, either. But you can do something about that. Just check out the Paranormal Activity site and "demand" that it be shown in your neck of the woods.

No Love for the Man of Steel?

When Diane Nelson took over as head of DC Entertainment, it was assumed that putting together a reboot of the flagging Superman film franchise would be top of their list. Batman's great and all, but Superman's supposed to be their flagship character, so you'd think putting that ship sailing straight would be a priority.

Not so much.

In an interview with MTV, Diane let it be known in no uncertain terms that there ain't nothin' goin' on in that front. The big blue boyscout continues to ride the pine.

We actually don't have any current plans for Superman," said Nelson when asked if the new environment (and the recent legal decision regarding the character) made a "Superman" movie more or less likely in the near future.

You'd think he was part of The Outsiders or the Justice Society or somethin', not the most iconic character in the company's history. The fact remains that WB needs to have a Superman film out there by 2011, otherwise they face a potential lawsuit at the hands of the Siegel and Schuster estates. So something's gotta get done soon. I'm of the firm belief that WB will work out some sort of deal that will give them more time to produce a quality film, probably in 2012 or 2013, but surely 2011 is out of the picture at this point.

Big Fan

We all know guys like Paul Aufiero(Patton Oswalt). He's that guy who's life seems to revolve around his favorite sports team. He's not quite the same person during the off-season, bordering on depressed. He's the guy at the Raider game dressed like a silver & black viking warrior, and if you're like me you often wonder what the hell these guys wouldn't do for their team? Oftentimes it seems like these fans(short for fanatics for a reason) don't have anything else to live for other than those 3 hours on Sunday afternoon.

Paul Aufiero is one of those men. A lowly parking garage attendant by day, crazed New York Giants fan by night. He pumps himself up each night, cashing in what bits of acclaim he can by calling in regularly on a local sports radio show as "Paul from Staten Island". Paul is a hero of sorts to his meek follower of a best friend, Sal(Kevin Corrigan), who thinks Paul's rants over the radio are the stuff of legend. Paul's formed a bitter on-air rivalry with the mysterious "Philadelphia Phil" who trashes the Giants and Paul every night.

Paul's life is mostly pathetic. He lives with his disapproving mother in a room barely big enough for a child, his wall covered in boyish posters of his favorite player, Quantrell Bishop. His fascination with Bishop seems to go beyond fanaticism, bordering on homosexual, but it's a bridge that's never fully crossed. Paul's family berates him constantly over his life choices. He has no girlfriend, no women in his life at all. He has no motivation. He's basically a child in a really short man's body. As fate would have it, Paul and Sal happen upon Quantrell Bishop out late on the town. Making the extremely unwise decision to follow him across the state(!!) to a nightclub, Bishop and his posse accuse the two fans of being stalkers. Paul is beaten down mercilessly. Bishop is suspended from the NFL. Paul gets some much needed nap time and a chance to count the cracks in the hospital ceiling. The question becomes whether Paul has it within him to press charges against the man he idolizes, adversely affecting his beloved Giants.

Writer/director Robert Siegel explored the dark corners of fame addiction with his amazing, gritty film The Wrestler last year. Consider Big Fan to be it's more twisted cousin, as he breaks down some of the blackest aspects of hero worship. Unlike the Wrestler, Siegel isn't nearly the gifted director Darren Aronofsky was. The film tries to capture the lower middle class mystique of urban New Jersey but it just comes out flatter here. The dull lighting and straight ahead shooting style leads to some pretty lackluster sequences, particularly involving Paul's family. I'm not going to say that they can't act...but they can't act. Paul's brother Sal has a faux Italian mobster accent that makes me think he was an extra in Jay Mohr's Mafia! It's Oswalt who carries this film. He completely melts into the character, showing a depth of emotion I never knew he had.

Big Fan isn't a comedy, although it has it's moments. Don't go in expecting to laugh out loud too often. This thing is pretty friggin' bleak and depressing more often than not. But it also gets pretty intense and uncomfortable. If the acting and direction were stronger, this would be an amazing film. As it stands it's still very good and worth checking out, and if you see any similarities between yourself and Paul Aufiero, there's a nice big listing for psychiatrists in your local phone book.

7/10

Sorority Row

If there's one thing I learned from Sorority Row, it's that there's never a bad time for a party. Getting stalked by a supposedly dead sorority sister wielding a razor sharp tire iron? Pshaw! Where's the keg at? We'll deal with that bitch later after we get our drink on! A remake of the 1984 slasher, The House on Sorority Row, this version focuses less on the brutality of it's predecessor and more on what we really want: hot chicks in skimpy duds. It's brainless, bitchy, cheesy, and I loved every second of it.

The women of Theta Pi take this "sisterhood" thing a bit too seriously. When Megan, played by talentless but hot hack actress Audrina Partridge, discovers her boyfriend cheated on her, the girls all decide to pull a prank on him that goes terribly awry, leading to Megan's death. Using their best judgement(read:none), the girls decide that Megan wouldn't want them to give up their lives just because they killed her, so they decide to dump her body down a mine shaft. There's always a mine shaft somewhere nearby, especially near those huge college campuses. Months later at graduation, the girls of Theta Pi receive the most unwelcome text message ever: a picture of a hooded figure carrying the same weapon used to kill Megan. OMG! It doesn't go over well.

The girls all fit into the typical movie cliched archetypes: Cassidy(Briana Evigan) is the least irresponsible of the bunch. We can tell because she smiles the least, I guess. Jessica(Leah Pipes, great porn name) is the straight up bitch who pretty much causes all this turmoil. Ellie(Rumer Willis) is the geek who should be too smart to hang around these skanks. She's the resident screamer. Claire(Jamie Chung) is...well, she's the minority. Sorry, she has no other personality traits! And then there's Chugs(Margo Harshman) who is every guy's dreamgirl: hot, drunk, and slutty. She's my favorite for obvious reasons.

When the girls and their douchebag boyfriends start droppin' like flies at the hands of this mysterious figure, the obvious thing to do is to...fight back or something, right? Nah. Party first. Self preservation later. And can we find the skimpiest gear possible to get hacked to death in? Does blood go with this outfit?

While not overly terrifying, Sorority Row gets points based on atmosphere alone. The goal was not to make the most gorey violent horror of the year. There are other movies out that are wearing out the tread on those tires already. The point was to make an 80s style slasher that's both funny and intense. Think of it like a screwed up version of Clueless, only that redheaded chick happens to be a revenge seeking ax murderer. The acting obviously isn't great, but it's not distracting. Step Up 2's Briana Evigan, who everyone knows by now is on my shortlist, does the brooding hero bit fairly well. She's definitely got the look for it. She's tougher, more streetwise, than the rest of her glossy mates. However it wasn't one of the chicks that gets the most props from me. It's Julian Morris as Cassidy's over protective, earnest boyfriend Andy, who stole the show. We already know what his role is going to be the first time we see him, but at no point does it feel telegraphed. Good stuff. Morris was the lead in another slasher film that I have a fondness for, 2005's Cry Wolf.

Sorority Row is gonna earn any awards. I don't think that was in the mission statement. But it does give us a double barreled shotgun wielding Carrie Fisher, and if that's not worth paying to see then you must not be living. Sit back and enjoy the catty goodness.

7/10

Christoph Waltz Hunts Down Green Hornet Role!

Deadline.com is reporting that Christoph Waltz, who turned in a likely Oscar worth performance as The Jew Hunter in Inglourious Basterds, has taken over Nicolas Cage's role as Chudnofsky, the enigmatic foil to Seth Rogen's Green Hornet! Cage backed out of the role just last week, and Waltz has been flooded by offers the last few weeks, so this was a perfect match.

I was looking forward to Cage's villainous turn in a movie I have little interest in, but now I'm psyched more than ever. Waltz was perfectly tuned to his role in Basterds, and I'm curious to see how he tackles something that's going to be more overtly humorous. This is a surprising upgrade, and now I can say I have a reason to give a rat's ass about Green Hornet again.

Ford Ready to Whip Out Indiana Jones 5!

Most of us were disappointed with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, right? Raise your hands. Good. Despite that, it felt good seeing the hat and whip again, even if a Shia Labeouf was only a few feet away. Well, now the crew is getting back together again after much speculation, most of which perpetuated from Steven Spielberg himself. Now we get confirmation from Harrison Ford from an interview with Le Figaro in France:

"The story for the new Indiana Jones is in the process of taking form. Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I'll be very happy to put the costume on again."

"If the script is good". That didnt' stop you from doing the last film, did it? It doesn't matter, the fact that this is happening has me both psyched and dismayed. If we parse Ford's statement a little bit, it reads as if George Lucas is handling scripting chores himself. That could be a double edged sword. We've seen his handling of certain other legendary franchises and the often childish direction most of those have taken. But then again, this is Indiana Jones. And even at it's worst, it's always going to be fun and thrilling. I'll be keeping my eye on this one.

The Expendables promo trailer Blows up the Internet!!

Yeah, it's a bootleg! So what? Who cares?? It's THE EXPENDABLES! This movie is like the Justice League of action movies. It's basically every action star you can think of cramming bicep to bicep into a screen too small to contain so many personalities. We're talkin' Stallone, Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lungren...and that's not even half of it. But you guys know all this already. We've been bowing down at the altar of this film since day one, and this promo only signals just how close we are to it's actual arrival. The video might suck ass, but the promo looks pretty friggin' awesome. Check it out and see for yourself!

The Twilight Saga: New Moon theatrical trailer!

Look...me and Twilight, we don't get along so well. I found the film to be, shall we say, a bit light on anything actually happening other than sunlight deprived folks pining for eachother under cloudy skies. It was dull, lifeless, bland, and seemed overly proud of all it's failings.

Howevah!! I caught a trailer for the sequel, New Moon, while I was out seeing Sorority Row and I'll be damned if it doesn't look half bad. It looks like there might actually be some conflict in this one, something which was missing from Twilight up until the last 20 minutes. MTV gave the screeching teen princesses something to cream their panties over at the Video Awards, so now here it is for all of you to enjoy. If you can.

Solomon Kane Trailer online!!

This looks awesome! More of a write up to come but I gotta run out for a minute so enjoy the trailer and check back later for more from me. Thanks to TheMovieBlog and trailer addict for letting us know!

The Comedian & Lobo, a Perfect Combination?

In an interview with Superhero Hype from the set of his latest film, The Losers, Jeffrey Dean Morgan stated his desire to take on the role of wise-cracking hard drinkin' intergalactic bounty hunter, Lobo! This would be Morgan's third DC Comics character in a relatively short timespan. He was The Comedian in this year's Watchmen; and he's currently filming The Losers based out of DC's Vertigo imprint.

"[T]hey're making 'Lobo' right now," offered JDM, "That would be cool. 'Lobo' would be very cool. I don't think that I'm as big as Lobo is, but if you could, like, transplant Mickey Rourke's body on my head, that would be just great."

"I do have an in," he admits, "I'll be elbowing somebody soon."

Morgan seems to really be gravitating to these big comic book roles, maybe because he knows they have a built in audience and if you please them once, you're in for life. Just look at his role as The Comedian in Watchmen earlier this year. It's made him basically a household name overnight. This couldn't be a better fit, I might add. He already sorta looks like Lobo in the face. I mean he's been out in the sun a bit more than Lobo has, obviously.

Top Shelf at the Box Office: 9/13/09

Weekends like this don't come along all that often, where so many of the films I've been anticipating for months all came out at the same time. Judging by how well most of them did, it looks like I might've been the only one who gave a crap.

1. I Can do Bad All by Myself- $24M

I feel like I shouldn't even comment on this, because there was never really any doubt it'd be #1, despite Tyler Perry's horrible narrative structure, penchant for demonizing well off minorities, and perpetuation of stereotypes. That and Madea's just plain unfunny. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a fan. This ranks as the third highest debut for a Perry film, and the second most embarassing #1 of the year behind G-Force. Get it together, people. Stop supporting this fool. Tell your church to stop organizing these opening weekend gatherings to watch Tyler Perry make the same movie over...and over....and over again.

2. 9- $10.9M/$15.3M

Tim Burton and Shane Acker's visual masterpiece, 9, had a decent 5-day opening considering it's showing at roughly half the amount of screens as Tyler Perry's piece of crap. Budgeted at roughly $33M, the story of a group of humanoid creatures attempting to save the world should maintain a good foothold on the charts for a few weeks based on it's mostly positive word of mouth.

3. Inglourious Basterds- $6.55M/$104M

Not only has Quentin Tarantino's war revenge tale surpassed the $100M mark here in the States, but it's still #2 overseas, pulling in a total of $99M, making this one of the most lucrative QT flicks to date.

4. All About Steve- $5.8M/$21.8M

If there's any clearer indication of just how slow this week of movies was, this turkey is still hanging around in the top 5. It's 48% drop was pretty standard, but this is a far cry from Sandra Bullock's last rom-com.

5. The Final Destination- $5.5M/$58.3M

What I consider to be the worst film of the franchise is now it's highest grosser, surpassing Final Destination 3. How they managed to do that without Ali Larter is beyond me, and smacks of an anti-Larter conspiracy the likes of which this world has never seen.

6. Sorority Row- $5.27M

My favorite film of the week took a brutal tire iron to the chest in it's opening weekend. I'm thinking that the deluge of horror remakes has finally started to have a negative impact, beginning just a couple weeks ago with the resounding failure that was Halloween II. Surely it can't have anything to do with all the hotness permeating this B-grade slasher, can it? I mean...really...



They stay dressed like that(or wearing even less!) throughout the movie no matter what they're doing. It's like Russ Meyer and yours truly collaborated on the script. It's beautiful.

7. Whiteout- $5.1M

The only weaker than the awful marketing campaign for this adaptation of Greg Rucka's stirring crime graphic novel was it's opening weekend. While the trailers were nice, it's the TV spots that matter, which are woefully non-descript and show us little of what is actually happening in the film. Well, here's the reason for that: NOTHING HAPPENS IN THE FILM!! Oh wait, it snows a lot and Kate Beckinsale looks paler than ever. It's hard to keep track of her in that blanket of white.

8. District 9- $3.6M/$109M

9. Julie & Julia- $3.3M/$85.4M

I don't know why but weeks after I saw this I'm feeling much more positive about it. I mean I still don't like the Amy Adams sequences much, but I've been really impressed by it's staying power on these charts and that people are showing up to see another of Streep's amazing performances.

10. Gamer- $3.15M/$16.1M

Gamer over, man! Game over!

Jason Segel To Write and Direct 'Cheap' Muppets Movie

Normally I could care less about Disney announcements, but their D23 fan expo has been a hotbed the last couple of days. Disney chairman Dick Cook announced that they were actively developing a new film featuring The Muppets, to be written and likely directed by Forgetting Sarah Marshall's Jason Segel. The film will be titled The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made, and is a reference to one of Jim Henson's last ideas in which the Muppets are forced to make a movie on a back lot due to budget constraints.

Segel's story is different, as he states that his tale involves the Muppets attempting to save Muppet Theatre from an evil businessman. Comingsoon.net has more on the story here.

Segel made himself known as quite the puppeteer and songwriter with his Dracula routine in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, so this seems like the perfect fit. It's certainly a better idea than that awful sounding Sarah Marshall spinoff that's in the works.

And the Official Pirates of the Caribbean 4 Title is....

...On Stranger Tides. Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. Ok. At Disney's D23 Fan Expo, they took a time out from appeasing pimply faced girls with promises of Zac Efron endorsed boxer shorts to reveal the new logo and title for the 4th installment of the sea-faring franchise.

Disney's plan is for the film to begin shooting in the spring of 2010, but as of right now no director is attatched. Gore Verbinski, who's helmed the previous Pirates movies, left to direct Bioshock. But with that film now being directed by another, the possibility exists that Verbinski could return to the fold. Disney's plan is for this 4th film to begin a second trilogy, so expect plenty more cutlass swinging action in the future. The expectation is that the story will follow Jack Sparrow's quest for the Fountain of Youth, as was foreshadowed in the last film.

Slashfilm has more on the story right here.

The List! 9/11/09

It feels strange just typing out those numbers, 9/11, on a day like today. I'm not one for big sentimental declarations, so I'll just say that anyone reading this who suffered a personal loss on that horrific day has my deepest sympathies. Had to turn the friggin' TV off because it's wall-to-wall coverage of the anniversary.

Well this should be a fun week of movies regardless, with no less than 4 films I've been eagerly anticipating hitting theatres this week, and all of vastly different genres.



What'd you think? That 9 would be at the top of my list this week? You must not have been paying attention all these many months. Have you seen the amount of talent populating this remake of the original 1983 slasher? If I wanted I could've written a dozen 'The Talent Show' columns just from the cast of this movie alone. Briana Evigan(guh!!) and Jamie Chung(double guh!!) who find themselves the target of a hooded killer after a prank goes fatally wrong. Slasher films like this are more my speed than something like Halloween, equal parts cheesecake and bloody violence.



The delays have been worried, sure. Whiteout has been completed and on the shelf for more than 2 years. Not a good sign. But the premise is undeniably interesting and the source material was intense, so hopefully it translates to the big screen. Kate Beckinsale plays a U.S. marshall assigned to Antarctica. Mere days before the Antarctic winter begins, she's called upon to investigate a murder with ties to a larger, sinister conspiracy. I want to throw on my parka everytime I watch the trailer for this, and of course I'm a huge fan of Beckinsale....in skin tight leather. Not sure how I'll feel about her with a mountain of clothing on, but we'll see.



In a clever bit of marketing, 9 actually came out two days ago on 9/9/09. The reason it's not higher on the list is that I saw it yesterday, and was floored by the amazing visuals. 9 is an expanded version of director Shane Acker's short film from backin 2005, about a band of humanoid creatures struggling to survive in a world where machines have completely wiped out the human race. Produced by two of cinema's visual masters, Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov, 9 is worth seeing for the look alone, but the voice acting is also top notch featuring Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, and John C. Reilly among others.



Y'know, I'm about as much of a football diehard as it gets. I bleed Chicago orange and blue, but I ain't got nothin' on this guy. Big Fan stars Patton Oswalt, makin' a bold step into the dark drama, as a down on his luck loser with nothing in his life other than his beloved New York Giants. When the team's star player brutally attacks him, he's reluctant to press charges becaue of the adverse effect it'll have on the team. That's pretty effed up, homie. I'd sue the pants off Devin Hester if I could! Big Fan is playing at Landmark E Street Cinema in the DC/Metro area, so go check it out!



Nominated for the best foreign language film at the Academy Awards, Der Baader Meinhoff Complex is a fictional account of the creation of the Red Army Faction, a communist terrorist outfit that operated extensively from 1960 to the late 90s. Look up the phrase, German Autum, and you'll see exactly the type of hell these guys reigned. Despite some open condemnation from the relatives of those who were actually involved, the film has gained nearly universal acclaim. This'll be tops on my list for tomorrow. Sunday is off-limits for obvious pigskin related reasons.

What just missed the mark?



I love a good documentary, and I'm man enough to admit that I take more than a passing interest in the fashion world. But do I really care about some homely elitist broad who is the judge of what's "hip" in the world of fashion? The September Issue follows Vogue editor, Anna Wintour, who was atleast partially the inspiration for Meryl Streep's character in The Devil Wears Prada. The film is supposedly really good and insightful, but I'll probably be more annoyed than entertained. If I have time to squeeze it in, I will.



On the other hand, if they promised free lap dances at every showing of Tyler Perry's new turd film, I still wouldn't go. This'll probably be the #1 film this week, and I'll get to listen to all my co-workers sing it's praises all week. I will as usual be the bad guy when I'm inevitably asked "Did you see it"? and my response is "Not if the world itself depended on it".

Ellen Page & Rainn Wilson Get Super Powered

More superhero movies! Yay! There aren't enough of those nowadays! Rainn Wilson(The Rocker) and Ellen Page(Juno) are reuniting to star in superhero comedy, Super, to be written and directed by James Gunn. Super is the story of a regular joe who, after watching his wife fall under the spell of a drug dealer, takes on the costumed mantle of The Crimson Bolt. The Crimson Bolt has no powers so he wields his trusty wrench as his weapon of choice. This won't be Ellen Page's first foray into the world of capes 'n cowls, as she starred as Kitty Pryde in the still hated X-men: The Last Stand.

Back in 2000, James Gunn wrote and produced a terrible superhero film called The Specials. It was lame attempt to spoof the genre, and featured the "talents" of Jamie Kennedy, Rob Lowe, and Jordan Ladd amongst others. The cast is actually pretty great, but the script is just totally laugh free. That movie never really caught on with...well, anybody, so I hope he doesn't try to sneak in any jokes from that film into this one.

The Dude, The Coens Reunite for True Grit

It's hard to believe that Jeff Bridges and The Coen Brothers haven't worked together more. As it stands, the last time was 1998's classic, The Big Lebowski in which Bridges took on the role of white Russian drinking slacker, "The Dude". Variety is reporting that the trio will be teaming up once again in a remake of the John Wayne western, True Grit. Wayne won an Oscar for his role as Rooster Cogburn in the 1969 original, about an aging U.S. Marshall who attempts to help a little girl track her father's killer. The Coens will rely more on the book version of the story rather than the film, telling the story from the girl's perspective rather than Cogburn's. [Edit: I had previously written that Mattie Ross was cast as the girl, but Mattie Ross is actually the character's name. Duh.]

Obviously anything involving the Coens is worth marking down on your calandar. After No Country for Old Men, which to me always felt like their take on the classic Western, I expect True Grit will be nothing short of amazing.

Reason #1 Why I Shouldn't Attend Comic-Cons

The phrase "escorted out by security" comes immediately to mind.

He-Man Fails to Master WB Universe

So that's a no-go on Warner Bros. proposed Masters of the Universe movie. WB and toymaker Mattel couldnt' see eye-to-eye on the direction of the property, so they've mutually agreed to let the option lapse. Mattel is now free to shop He-Man elsewhere. The toy company has been crankin' out deals left and right for many of it's properties, including deals for upcoming films like Hot Wheels, Major Matt Nelson, and Max Steel.

And all of those movies sound horrible. Honestly, this kinda sucks not because I'm missing my chance for a live-action Orko sighting, but because whoever's rockin' Teela's outfit has got to be crazy hot. Rachel Nichols hot. This film will get made eventually, but I wouldn't expect it before 2012 at this point.

Rampant Hancock 2 Speculation Within!

That Peter Berg is such a coy fellow. In an interview with MTV, he confirmed that both Will Smith and Charlize Theron will indeed be back reprising their roles in Hancock 2. That's not really much of a surprise. But what's all this other nonsense about a MAJOR name they've approached to play presumably another member of the immortal clan. Director Peter Berg says...

"I'm not gonna tell you who, but we have [someone in mind]!" teases the director.

Ugh. I hate surprises. Especially ones like this. Just how many major names could it be that would be worth hiding? Deniro? Pacino? I could see any one of these two playing some sort of elder member of the family. Why, it could be there own superhero version of Meet the Parents. Who knows? Or Tom Cruise...now that would be interesting. Plus he's a scientologist so he's gotta be a diehard sci-fi guy. The only other contender I think is worth being secretive about is...Meryl Streep. Couldn't be, right? Nah. Although it'd be sweet if she wore her outfit from Doubt as her superhero getup...

World's Greatest Dad

I can promise that you won't see a more screwed up movie than World's Greatest Dad. Ignore the trailers and TV spots(if you're lucky enough to catch 'em) that make this look like a commercial comedy. It's a comedy, but you'll probably find yourself a bit troubled by exactly what it is you're laughing at. If you're like me, and don't care about such things, you'll be treated to one of the bleakest, most disturbing, and yes hilarious performances of the year.

Robin Williams plays Lance Clayton, a well meaning teacher hosting an unpopular poetry class. Lance has always fancied himself a writer, but he's always been rejected and has all but given up on the idea. Lance's son, Kyle(Daryl Sabara), attends the school as well. Kyle is a douche of the highest order. He's a chauvenistic, perveted scum bag with absolutely no friends except for his smart but troubled buddy, Andrew. Everyone hates Kyle. Lance struggles to connect with Kyle, but is rebuffed at every turn. Lance is dating what has to be the hottest teacher in school(Alexie Gilmore), a woman much younger than he. But he's jealous of her friendly relationship with the much younger, much more athletic, equally intelligent Mike Lane.

Sounds fairly innocent up to this point, right? Well forget it. When Kyle accidentally kills himself David Carradine-style, Lance can't bring himself to let his son be remembered for the way he died. He cooks up a phoney suicide note, full of grandiose comments on life as a troubled, unappreciated teen, things Kyle would never say much less write. Almost overnight, Kyle is deified by everyone at school who hated him, the students, the faculty. His every insult was a cry for help. His disdain for all around him, the gestures of a genius trapped and unchallenged by his peers. It's like a scene out of Heathers taken to the Nth degree. And throughout all this, Lance revels in the idea that his writing is actually being noticed and having an effect on people, even if it means smearing the memory of his own kid in the process. But is it really smearing if you're doing good in the process? Is it ok to allow others to sanctify the dead unjustly? The student body worships Kyle in every way imaginable. His every word is the gospel, his choice in music(Kyle "hated music". "It's gay".) is praised, and Lance keeps up the charade by giving these ignorant slabs exactly what they want.

I've always been a bigger fan of Robin Williams' darker work, whether it be in a film like Insomnia or my favorite, One Hour Photo. Here, his character goes through a subtle transformation from loving father to callous media whore, but the genius is how little Lance actually changes outwardly. To all involved, he's still the same loving, caring father who just wants to do right by his kid. It's that desire to do good that makes Lance such a deliciously fun villain, and make no mistake, Lance is a villain. Goldthwait writes Lance perfectly, aided and abetted by Williams' deft portrayal. He's the type of character you love to hate, but also hope will be redeemed.

Maybe that's my biggest beef with World's Greatest Dad. As twisted as the story goes, there's a concerted effort to give us the All-American happy ending and it doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the film. Makes me wonder if the Bobcat has gotten a little soft in his older, calmer age. I would've liked to see how this story would've ended if written 10 years ago. It doesn't matter, there's enough maddeningly deranged goodness here for dark comedy fans like me to chew on.

7.5/10

District 9's Sharlto Copley: Howlin' Mad!!

This rumor comes straight from Blackfilm.com, which I don't know if that means they get better information on African-Americans or if it means we should take any news on non-African Americans with a grain of salt. Not really sure. I just know I rarely turn to Jet Magazine for the latest news on Jim Carrey. Anyway, Blackfilm has let it slip that Sharlto Copeley, who wowed everybody with his dominating performance in District 9 this summer, is up for the role of Howlin' Mad Murdock in Joe Carnahan's big screen version of The A-Team. According to them, Copley has already been made an offer, but no confirmation on whether or not he's actually signed it.

Personally, I would've loved to see Timothy Olyphant snag the part, because I think he does crazy/manic better than anybody working today. I could point to his role in A Perfect Getaway as example numero uno. But Copley definitely has the look down, and based on the strength of District 9 I'm convinced he can do whatever's asked of him.

Bear in mind that nobody is officially attatched to The A-Team as of yet. Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Rampage Jackson...all of these names rumored and expected to be on board, but nobody's seen any actual proof. I think we can expect all of these people to be in the fold, because stars have no problem denying involvement with a project.

Looks like the plan is finally starting to come together!

Black Dynamite theatrical trailer!

I've been a big supporter of Michael Jai White's blaxploitation spoof, Black Dynamite, ever since it was first announced what seems like an eternity ago. With the film only a month away from release, the studio has release what's probably going to be the final theatrical trailer for the film. Not as raunchy as the redbands of course, but it'll do. I can't wait for this.

Black Dynamite is due to be released October 16th!

'Black Dynamite' Theatrical Trailer @ Yahoo! Video

The Queue: Mutant Chronicles

Mutant Chronicles wastes no time jumping right into the thick of the action. In the future, the four largest corporations wield their own private armies against eachother in a desperate war claim the last of the Earth's resources. Sounds cool, right? Well, forget it. An evil machine sleeps beneath the surface, and when it's accidentally unearthed during a fierce battle, it unleashes an army of murderous mutants to destroy humanity. Who can stop it? Thomas Jane, ofcourse, and unlike his role in HBO's Hung he's wielding a broadsword of a totally different type if you catch my none too subtle drift.

Jane leads a multi-national force of soldiers against the mutant horde. Along for the ride are Devon Aoki as a gun toting MILF with an attitude, and sci-fi staple Ron Perlman as a priest who believes it's his destiny to save mankind from the evil horde.

Mutant Chronicles feels like a refugee from the SyFy network. It's cheap, cheesy digital effects rob the creatures of much of their ferocity. It's hard to take them seriously. The film is shot in a washed out greyscale that looks like somebody who might've snuck onto the set of The Spirit found his way to smaller, worser(I know) things. Speaking of guys who snuck on set, John Malkovich embarassingly shows his face for all of 2 minutes, adding to his surprisingly rich catalogue of guest appearances in movies that are far beneath his skill level.

If it sounds like I'm being particularly harsh, it's all out of disappointment. I anticipated this movie for months based solely on the premise and the talented cast. The opening segment is pulpy with just a big splash of B-movie gore. It's bloody, brutal, and the laconic one-liners fly fast and furious. Then the plot starts, and it all goes downhill from there. I don't expect a ton of characterization, but I do expect to give a crap about somebody, otherwise why should I care when they get impaled on a spike or come back from the dead as a mutant/human hybrid? Thomas Jane might as well have been sleepwalking. Hell, I think he actually was one scene...

Mutant Chronicles might appeal to the most hardcore science fiction fanatic. Then again it might not, because I certainly count myself as part of that club, and I'm struggling to find a reason for anyone to rent this beyond curiosity.

4/10

Next on The Queue: Steven Seagal battles vampires in 2009's Against the Dark!

Extract

When Office Space blind-sided us back in 1999 with it's hilarious but insightful look at the daily minutia and malaise of the common office employee, it sparked a revolution. Not just in people who had become fed up with merely "getting through the day" at their boring places of employment, but for creator Mike Judge as well. He went on to craft some of the most brilliant pieces of comedy ever, in particular Idiocracy and the TV show King of the Hill(I hate Beavis & Butthead, sorry). Judge's latest comedy, Extract, lacks any of the intelligence of his previous films. That would be excusable if the film were...let's say...funny? But it's not. And so the moronic escapades of it's barely fleshed out characters feel like just another day at the old grind.

Jason Bateman plays Joel, the owner of a flavor extracting factory. Joel's life kinda sucks. I mean he's rich and all, but he wants to sell his company...for some reason, boredom I guess. His wife Suzie(Kristen Wiig, goin' to waste) won't have sex after 8pm once the dreaded sweatpants come on. The staff at his facility are a bunch of lazy, perpetually angry buffoons, not the least of which is the senior member of the staff, a bozo named Step(Clifton Collins, goin' to waste). A workplace incident involving rocketing bottlecaps leads to Step losing one of his precious jewels, which also means a lawsuit is afoot. Around this time Joel hires a sexy new worker, Cindy(the barely present Mila Kunis), who he instantly makes a connection with. Feeling lost, Joel turns to his bushy slacker bud, Dean(Ben Affleck), who convinces him to hire someone to seduce Suzie so that Joel can freely sleep with Cindy. Why would he agree to this? Alcohol and tranquilizers, the breakfast of champions.

As much as I hate comparing a creator's works to eachother, it's impossible not to do so with Extract. Hell, they want you to compare. The trailers and TV spots proudly proclaim "the man behind Office Space goes back to work"! They might want to tone that rhetoric down a little bit, because these films have absolutely nothing in common. If the goal was to do for the corporate heirarchy what was done for the common worker in Office Space, then Judge failed miserably. Joel has no real problems. His biggest problem is that he has to get home by 8pm or no sex? Dude, leave work earlier! He does it often enough throughout the film for other reasons, how about you go home and nail your wife. Problem solved.

Extract misses the mark in nearly every conceivable way. The script isn't dark...nor is it bouncy...it's just sorta blah. Ther's nothing particularly funny about a guy scammin' on his wife and trying to sell his company out from under his employees. The amazingly talented cast are given nothing to do. Kunis barely shows her face; the always reliable J.K. Simmons might as well have called in his performance from the golf course; and Ben Affleck feels like he walked in from some other movie. I'm trying desperately hard to figure out what the point of Extract was, but why bother? Why should I put more thought into this movie when Mike Judge clearly didn't think it was necessary for him to do so?

4/10

Cage Backs Out of Green Hornet; Dives into Next Role

The Green Hornet just keeps getting less and less interesting the more I see and hear of it. One of the most interesting aspects of the film to me, Nic Cage's potential role as the gangster villain, is now *poof* up in friggin' smoke. Cage has decided not to participate in the film, in order to focus on a slew of other projects. He just recently signed on to the action flick, Drive Angry, and my pick for worst title of the season, The Hungry Rabbit Jumps. Cage was never officially signed on for his role in The Green Hornet, but the fact that he had to officially decline goes to show how close he was to being a part of it.

No word yet as to who will replace Cage, but the search is ongoing. The Hollywood Reporter has more on the story here.

Gamer

Bring an aspirin. No, bring two. The guy next to you will want one. Earplugs are good. You won't be missing any crucial dialogue, I assure you. Suffer from epilepsy? Heart palpitations? You probably won't make it through the opening credits. Gamer is the loudest, dumbest movie I've seen all year. Not good dumb, like...Sorority Boys(my go-to flick for mindless stupidity) or Death Race, but totally lacking in self-awareness dumb. Remember Damon Wayans as the bum in In Living Color, butchering the English language with big words used in the most incorrect way possible? Well, Gamer is like that bum. I'm pretty sure it wants to have something profound to say, but the script makes it awfully hard to take seriously.

Gamer takes The Running Man schtick and amps it up to a ridiculous degree. In this world, in that nebulous "near future" action movies are so fond of, death row inmates are given the chance at freedom if they can survive Slayers, 30 "deathmatches" against other prisoners. The catch? They are being controlled by other players using a form of mind control technology. 300's Gerard Butler plays Kable, the deathmatch champion, who has survived 27 matches in a row. Kable has become a global celebrity, as well as the boy who controls him, a spoiled rich kid named Simon.

Kable soon discovers that the creator of Slayers, Ken Castle, is aiming to have him killed before the 30th match. So along with a group of rebels led by Ludacris, Kable works to escape and get back to the family he left on the outside, and if he happens to take down the corrupt Slayer network in the process that'll be good too.

I gotta hand it to the writing team of Neveldine/Taylor, they know how to do action. Gamer is a non-stop blitz on the senses. You'll be seeing colors and hearing crap the likes of which your brain probably isn't equipped to handle after sitting through this mess. It's a Tony Scott film on human growth hormone. The action is intense, there's no shortage of explosions and flaming corpses flying through the air. Every shot is cut haphazardly for maximum distraction. In the midst of one of the matches, it's nearly impossible to get a bead on what's going on, which is the point. They nail the look and feel of the video game sequences perfectly, but I felt like the big action set pieces lacked spark. There was nothing I found all that impressive. Nothing memorable about them. The most interesting scenes in the film took place in a world where real people live in a SIMS-like community, complete with wacky clothes and people randomly gathering around for dance parties, just like in the video game. Disturbing? Hell yes. Does a part of me wish this was real? Abso-friggin-lutely.

In Neveldine/Taylor's Crank films, the duo seems content to revel in their own absurdity. Both movies are unashamedly violent, sophomoric, demented, and more than a little perverted. It's what made them fun. I don't need to be preached to about my love for watching violent films or playing violent video games, especially not by the two guys who have done nothing else but commercialize violence. I wouldn't care so much except that the preachiness is distracting and took me right out of the story. I wanted to be engrossed in this world just like the people in the movie were, instead I'm watching a guy get his neck broken one second and being scolded for it the next. No thanks. You don't have to hit me over the head with your little lessons.

Don't even get me started on the wealth of wasted talent. John Leguizamo, Milo Ventimiglia(as a perverted, slant-mouthed freak no less), Kyra Sedgewick(???), and Alison Lohman among others had a cup of coffee in this thing, I'm assuming to fill some contractual obligation. None of them do anything worth remembering. Gerard Butler features none of the smarmy attitude and sense of humor that made him popular to begin with, he's just a grim, vacant blank slate.

Gamer would be a better film if it ignored it's own advice and just had a good time blowin' sh*t up. This is probaby the only time I'll ever write this, but a little less "insight" would do this movie good. And free earplugs with every ticket purchase.

4.5/10

Rampage Jackson Joins the A-Team

For awhile it seemed like WWE stars had the market cornered on tough guy supporting roles in major films, but now it seems like Hollywood has decided they want actual tough guys for these parts, and not just tough actors. After much speculation and rumor, where pretty much everybody with a bit of melanin in their skin has been up for the role, we're finally hearing that MMA superstar Quinton "Rampage" Jackson has been confirmed to play B.A. Baracus in the upcoming A-Team movie. He'd been rumored to be up for the role back when John Singleton was finding new ways to screw up the film, and apparently someone at the studio liked what they saw.

B.A. Baracus is probably the most memorable character from the '83-87 TV series, as played by Mr. T, who took the role and combined it with his own unique persona to become something like a phenomenon for years. With Singleton no longer in the picture, Joe Carnahan from the abysmal Smokin' Aces is set to direct. Jackson will be starring alongside The Hangover's Bradley Cooper, and rumors are still floating around that Liam Neeson is on board as Hannibal Smith.

I've only seen Jackson a few times, and from that I can already see that this is a perfect match. The role only requires three things: charisma, attitude, and a sense of humor. From what I've seen Jackson's got all three in spades. Consider the other candidates for the role: Ice Cube...Tyrese...The Game. I don't wanna see any of these three in a movie anymore. Time for some new blood to get in the mix.

Live-Action 'Akira' Not Dead Yet!

Back in June I wrote about the apparent death of the proposed live-action big screen adaptation of Akira, arguably the most well known and popular anime ever. Well, reports of it's death have been greatly exaggerated, as Warner Bros. has hired Children of Men screenwriters, Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby, to handle scripting duties on the film. Both men also collaborated on Iron Man last year.

Leonardo Dicaprio's Appian Way production house is still co-producing the film, which led many to think that he would play a starring role in the film. Uh...no. A bit old, I think, although with a little make-up he would make an interesting Nezu. Past rumors suggested Joseph Gordon-Leavitt in a prominent role, but the actor declined any involvement.

I feel the same way about this as I did a couple months ago. I love Akira, and would like to see a live-action version but I'm not so sure I want it handled by the WB. If it were a Japanese production I'd have more confidence that the big ideas involved won't be watered down or jettisoned completely in favor of making a streamlined popcorn flick. I want all of this stories complexities to remain intact.

Collider has more on the story right here.

Soderbergh Lands a Knockout Blow!

Steven Soderbergh might be the most interesting director working today. His last film, The Girlfriend Experience, cast pornstar Sasha Grey in her first legit acting role. Now Soderbergh is back at it again, casting hot MMA superstar Gina Carano to star in his next film, Knockout. Knockout is a spy thriller that's being described as being a cross between Kill Bill and La Femme Nikita. If you're gonna invoke two of the great action flicks of any generation like that, this better be damn good. The plot seems like it was ripped straight from the Luc Besson classic, as Carano plays a street tough woman who's recruited to user her skills for good. If the idea of a Soderbergh directed spy flick isn't enough, the scripting duties are being handled by Lem Dobbs, who worked with Soderbergh most recently on The Limey.

Soderbergh obviously sees some potential in this film because he waived his usual salary in exchange for an ownership stake.

I don't know much about Carano, being the MMA noob that I am, but this film sounds like it's right up my alley. Despite my issues with some of Soderbergh's subject choices, he is undeniably one of the best directors, and seeing him tackle action, which is a genre he's stayed pretty far away from thus far, has me intrigued. You can't mention Kill Bill, La Femme Nikita, and The Limey and not catch my attention so mark this down as my new most anticipated film for...whenever. No word yet on a possible release date.

Top Shelf at the Box Office: 9/7/09!

If I seem like I'm in a foul mood today, it could be because of the extremely poor slate of films this past weekend, all of which failed to impress anybody at the box office. Or it could be that I woke up early, the remote control was out of reach, and I found myself sitting through Pizza, one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It was so bad that I had to stick around and see how badly they'd screw up the ending. On a related note: What the hell ever happened to Ethan Embry? I thought he'd be big sh*t after Can't Hardly Wait...

1. The Final Destination- $12.4M/$47.5M

Perfectly capturing just how lousy this week's films performed, last week's champeen skidded 55% and still handily defeated all other contenders. Boosted by the increased cost of 3-D showings, the 4th film in the franchise is well on course to surpassing the final tally of the other films, even if fewer people are actually attending.

2. All About Steve- $11.2M

Can someone explain to me what the hell this movie is about? Seriously. The TV spots were hella confusing. I get that Sandra Bullock is crazy....right? But what's the deal with Bradley Cooper? He doesn't appear to be doing much of anything. Is it just a movie about making fun of a crazy person? Is it a rom-com? It doesn't matter. You couldn't get me to see this crap if you paid me...ok, maybe if you paid me. But that's the only way. Considering the success of Bullock's The Proposal, and Cooper's The Hangover, this lousy start has to be a disappointment.

3. Inglourious Basterds- $10.8M/$91M

Tarantino's WWII revenge fantasy slipped 44%, but already is the director's 2nd highest grossing film after only 17 days. Not too shabby. Overseas the film has pulled in an estimated $83M. With numbers like these, it's all but a certainty that we'll get to see that proposed Basterds prequel sometime in the near future. Hooray!

4. Gamer- $9M

Yeah, this is about what I expected. Despite my anticipation for Gerard Butler's next actioner, about a world where death row inmates are forced to participate in deadly deathmatches for their freedom, the marketing for Gamer was unimpressive and failed to set itself apart from the rest of the pack. Instead, they chose a campaign that was as haphazard as the film itself, when they should've perhaps focused more on Butler as the leading man. Then again even if they had done that, I doubt it would've had much of an effect on these numbers. This is a movie made solely for guys, and considering the wealth of other films targeting the same demo, Gamer had a tough uphill battle from the start.

5. District 9- $7M/$101.3M

Continues to hold on strong, showing that the somewhat controversial sci-fi flick has some serious staying power, boding well for the already planned sequel.

6. Halloween II- $5.6M/$25.6M

After two weeks, Rob Zombie's slasher sequel has grossed less than Halloween did in it's opening weekend alone. Dropping a whopping 66% from last week, the film never gained a foothold after it's disastrous horror showdown with The Final Destination.

7. Julie & Julia- $5.2M/$78.8M

8. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra- $5.1M/$139.4M

9. The Time Traveler's Wife- $4.2M/$54.5M

10. Extract- $4.2M

Well, I guess the campaign to equate Extract with Mike Judge's legendary workplace comedy Office Space worked because 4.2M is exactly what Office Space brought in on it's opening weekend. The chances of this film reaching Space's status, however, are slim and none due in no small part to a weak premise and uninteresting characters.

Remember Taking Woodstock? Ang Lee movie? Liev Schreiber, Emile Hirsch...no? Apparently everybody else forgot it existed, too, because in it's second week it only brought in $1.5M and stumbled down to 15th on the charts. Ouch.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen finally surpassed the $400M mark. Unbelievable for a movie so many people "hate".

I have to say something about The Cove, the documentary highlighting the merciless slaughter of dolphins in the Taiji cove in Japan. While the film only brought in about $670,000 here in the States, the attention it's brought to the issue has been phenomenal. Now, it's recently been reported that the man behind The Cove, Rick O'Barry, returned to Taiji to report on the annual slaughter and found that miraculously it was no longer taking place. Awesome. It just goes to show that sometimes these movies do have a real lasting impact, and no amount of money earned can ever take that away.

The Punch Drunk Podcast Episode #31: Halloween II; Inglorious Basterds

This week on the Punch Drunk Podcast episode...

-We spend some time dissecting(no pun intended) Rob Zombie's latest slasher, Halloween II!

-Trav tempts death with his solo review of The Final Destination....3-D!!

-John reveals his true love for weird gothic chicks like Faruza Balk...

-News on Rob Zombie's next horror remake, The Blob; the guys try to figure out what James Cameron's Avatar is all about; and Xander Cage returns from the dead in a follow-up to XXX!

-Tarantino's most divisive film ever? John and Trav revel in the greatness that is Inglorious Basterds!

-Plus, no show would be complete without the guys embarassing themselves, but this time it's on purpose as they reveal their Top 5 Films they're Embarassed to Admit they haven't seen!

We hope you'll join us for another fun hour(ish) of film geekiness! You can find The Punch Drunk Podcast on Itunes, Podomatic, or you can subscribe to it directly right here. We hope you'll join us, and continue sending your comments and requests to punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com!

Rambo V Takes a Savage Turn

Just a few days ago it was reported that the fifth installment of the Rambo franchise, now officially titled Rambo V: The Savage Hunt, had been greenlit with Stallone obviously back to shepherd the character that helped make him an action icon in the 80's. The reports came complete with a synopsis of the film, which detailed Rambo's quest to rescue a girl from human triffickers near the US/Mexico border. Turns out that's not quite right. There have been rumors floating around for awhile that this Rambo would go in a different direction, with most of those stories claiming that the war hero's story would be almost totally science fiction. That's not true, either, but then again it's also not completely false depending on how you look at it.

In an interview with Ain't It Cool News, Sly reveals that the actual story involves a secret government experiment to create perfect, cold-blooded killers by tapping into the savagery that lies within all human beings. When one of these super-soldiers goes rogue, Rambo is brought in to lead a group of hardcore mercs to take him down.

Sounds like it's a little bit Commando, a little bit Predator. Some might take issue with the slight change in tone, but I'm actually all for it. Don't get me wrong, I see some serious shark jumping potential here, but I trust Stallone to keep it as grounded as possible. As long as we don't see Rambo wielding a tachyon particle beam or anything, I'm all for it. Although that would be kinda cool.

Rambo V: The Savage Hunt is set to begin production in the Spring.

The List: 9/04/09

Yesterday I broke one of my own cardinal rules for this column when I went to see Lorna's Silence, a Belgian film by the famed Dardenne Bros. Because I often tackle this column either late at night when I'm more zombie than human or during down periods at the ol' grind, sometimes I overlook things. If I had been more attentive I would've put Lorna's Silence near the top of my list. It was definitely worth it, and in case Andy Griffith has figured out how to use that little typewriter with the TV on it and found his way here to our little site, I apologize for passing on your movie yesterday. I'm sure you'll understand. Loved you in Waitress.



Maybe it's just my tendency to over analyze, but I don't understand this movie. So Gerard Butler plays a death row inmate who competes in these deathmatches and supposedly he's the champion, right? But he and everybody else in these wars are being controlled by a "player" using some form of mind-control. So wouldn't that just make the controller great and not necessarily Butler? When I play Mario Bros. the credit isn't given to Mario if I beat the game, is it? Whatever. I would have faith that all this will be explained in the movie, except that it's being written by the notorious Neveldine/Taylor duo, who's past credits include Crank and Crank: High Voltage. Not a lot of exposition to be found there. Still, you can't go wrong with Butler and Michael C. Hall. Hopefully someone will control Ludacris right into a pit of alligators or somethin'.



It's about time Mike Judge made another movie. Well, atleast another movie that studios actually want people to be able to see. Extract takes the Office Space formula(work sucks, life sucks, but atleast it's funny) and smooshes it into an industrial setting. Jason Bateman plays the owner of a vanilla extracting factory who's life seems to be crumbling apart around him, that is until the hawwwwttt Mila Kunis shows up to work. I'm looking forward to this for the cast alone, which features Bateman, Kunis, Kristen Wiig, Cliffton Collins, and Ben Affleck doing his best impersonation of The Dude. Has potential, but I'm getting the whiff of disappointment off this thing. I hope I'm wrong.



If there's one thing Robin Williams does well, it's dark comedy. Come to think of it, that's not even an apt description for World's Greatest Dad. It's a pitch black comedy. Ignore the trailers, which give you the impression that this is more laugh than shock, because from what I've seen and read this thing is about as bleak as it gets. Williams plays a poetry teacher who longs to be a writer. His son is a douche with no friends, treats his father like crap, and is about to be sent to a special needs school due to his poor grades. I don't want to spoil what happens next, but it's pretty foul. It's something I could only imagine coming from the brain of Bobcat Goldthwait, who both wrote and directed. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this will be better than Extract, just based off the premise alone.

I thought about it, and decided that there's no way I can allow myself to see All About Steve. It looks like somebody dregged that crap up from the bottom of a swamp. Bradley Cooper? Thomas Haden Church? Sandra Bullock as a crazy broad who doesn't realize how old she looks? No thanks. You ladies have fun, though. I'll be in the next theatre over watchin' machine gun fire rip into dudes.



I am not a rock 'n roll fan. Never have been. I don't give two craps about the electric guitar. But the trailer for It Might Get Loud almost...ALMOST...makes me wanna learn. The film is basically the history of the electric guitar, presented through a gathering by three of rock 'n roll's greatest guitarists: Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White. Whatever else this film might actually be about, they really get across the idea that playing that instrument includes you in some sort of rare club. A family of artists, in a way. And that is what I find intriguing. Currently playing at Landmark E Street, AMC Shirlington, and Cinema Arts Theatre in the DC/Metro area. I might go check this out if time permits.

I've made a promise to myself to see The Time Traveler's Wife some time this week. I'll be the guy in the very back with the cap pulled down tight over his face so nobody can see me. Might have a wig. Still up in the air on that one.

Sony and Disney Release Date Grudge Match!

Sony and Disney have been watching too many Tarantino movies. Why else would they deliberately throw themselves into a Mexican standoff to see which studio is going to budge off the December 17, 2010 release date first? It was recently announced that Seth Rogen's action comedy, The Green Hornet, had been pushed back five months to allow more prep and marketing time. But Disney had been eyeing that date for weeks for it's much anticipated Tron Legacy, the sequel to the 1982 classic. Both films will be competing with James Cameron's big budget juggernaut, Avatar, that very same weekend.

So what we have here is a situation where three films are basically going to be competing for the same audience. Y'know what else comes out that weekend? The Smurfs movie. What the hell? This is shaping up to be the biggest box office weekend in history as it stands right now. I'm betting that somebody, probably Sony and Green Hornet, will eventually back down. It'll be done quietly, on a Friday, and production issues will be the given reason, but bank on Green Hornet getting push backed a week or two at some point.

The Rank 'n File: Top 5 Movies About Video Games

I'm a video game addict. I'm sure that comes as a surprise to many of you. The guy who reads comic books, spends the majority of his life at the movies, and collects action figures also has a deep love for game consoles. I've had them all, from Colecovision to Sega CD to Turbografx 16 and now my beloved Xbox 360. I even had the NES Power Glove, the worst peripheral in history. But that's not the point here, the point is that Hollywood has rarely ever managed to put out a good movie based on any video game. I don't know why that is, nor do I care. They have, however, managed to make some good movies centered around video games and the people who play them. With Gerard Butler's Gamer hitting theatres this week, I thought it would be a good time to take a look at the 5 of those films that deserve a little attention...and perhaps show my age a little bit.

5. Chasing Ghosts: Beyond the Arcade

Back in the 1980's, video games were king. It was a new age of technology, and there was a whole crop of young kids who were making themselves instant celebrities by racking up high scores at some of the most challenging games ever made. At the height of it's popularity, Walter Day basically made himself the authority over all-things video gaming, specifically high scores. Chasing Ghosts explores this time when you could get on the cover of LIFE magazine just for being adept at Burger Time or Ms. Pac-Man, something completely unimaginable nowadays.

4. The Last Starfighter

Who hasn't at one time or another wished they could be one of the cool characters in their favorite video game? I know there were many times I wished I was the guy rescuing Dana Plato from the video game, Night Trap, but alas that never came to be. In The Last Starfighter, some douchey kid named Alex with bad hair actually gets that wish. He's the best in town at the arcade shooter, Starfighter, and one day after whoopin' the machine's ass he's visited by an alien named Centauri. Centauri whisks him away to another planet, where Alex is forced to put his video game skills to a real live test. It's absurd but as a kid it was the stuff of dreams, and if there's one thing this movie isn't lacking in it's imagination. It's surprisingly poignant at times, too, especially when one of the film's most beloved characters...well, runs out of 1-Ups.

3. The Wizard

Is The Wizard a good movie? Hell no. It's brutal. Nearly impossible to sit through. It stars Fred Savage at his most irksome. It's about a boy with some sort of mental disorder, doesn't speak or interact with people. All he does is play video games. His dream is to get to some big video game tournament, and dammit Fred Savage is gonna make sure he gets there, even if they have to lie, cheat, and steal to do it. This movie is notable for only two reasons. 1. It was the first time many of us got a look at Super Mario Bros. 3, which was AWESOME I might add! Best use of a movie for video game marketing ever. And 2. It kicked off my eternal and often detrimental love for redheads by introducing me to the beautiful and talented Jenny Lewis.



Rilo Kiley kicks ass, by the way.

2. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Who's the great heel in the history of video game movies and arguably of all-time? If you answered Billy friggin' Mitchell you just a trip to the bonus stage. Billy Mitchell might be the douchiest man on the face of the planet, and he's the reason why this movie is so damn great. Billy is the all-time champion at Donkey Kong, a title he wears proudly and never let's anyone forget. He sports the most insulting mullet in history, rocks a bunch of overly patriotic ties everywhere he goes, and repeatedly touts his business achievements like he's Bill Gates or something. When his reign as Donkey Kong champ is threatened by regular joe blow Steve Wiebe, Billy puts on an act of feigned indifference that makes you want to smack him over the head with your Atari Lynx(that's all it's good for now anyway). THis film mines much of the same territory as Chasing Ghosts, but it's the rivalry between Steve and Billy that sets this film apart and makes it a must not just for video game lovers but everybody.

1. Cloak & Dagger



Some people would argue that Henry Thomas's best role as a kid was obviously in E.T., but those people would be wrong. There was no movie I watched more as a child(I was 7!! Oy!) than Cloak & Dagger, where Thomas plays Davey, a kid much like myself, drowning away his time playing video games and wishing he could somehow be a part of it all. His favorite game is an espionage RPG known as Cloak & Dagger, starring superspy Jack Flack(Dabney Coleman. Remember him?) When Davey is the witness to a murder, the victim hands him a video game cartridge containing top secret intel. Davey finds himself stuck in the middle as various evil organizations attempt to claim the cartridge, so Davey turns to the greatest spy he's ever know, an imaginary version of Jack Flack, to aid him. The reason I loved this film so much was that it was both brimming with youthful energy and imgination, but it also was more violent than the typical kiddie video game movie. There's a point where Davey actually has a life or death decision to make that goes way different than you'd expect. But the key point was the relationship between Jack and Davey, which starts off almost as idol worship but devolves when Davey realizes the lengths Jack will go to complete the mission. It's intriguing stuff, and the movie holds up surprisingly well even today.

Honorable mentions include Grandma's Boy and Tron. I couldn't in good conscience put them on the list because...well, Grandma's Boy isn't very good and Tron is a movie I've always had a hard time sitting through. I'll be back in 2 weeks with another Top 5, and right now I'm leaning towards my Top 5 femme fatales in honor of Jennifer's Body, but we'll see. If you have any suggestions for a Top 5, you can send them to me at punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com.

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day redband trailer

My Punch Drunk cohort John is probably the biggest fan of The Boondock Saints that I know, but he's hardly the only one. I remember when the film first came out I had an inordinate amount of friends telling me that I HAD to see this movie. Some of my best friends are Irish so I guess they felt some sort of affinity to the film, which is basically the story of two Irish Catholics who turn vigilante after killing some Russian mobsters in self defense. The film is very Tarantino-esque, let's put it that way. After watching it myself I was less enthusiastic than some, but I can see the film's upside. I think Sean Patrick Flannery is excellent, although I'm not much of a Norman Reedus fan. You can't really go wrong with Billy Connolly and Willem Dafoe, either.

The most interesting thing about Boondock Saints was the director, Troy Duffy, who became an overnight sensation after the film was released. Unfortunately he let it go to his head and his once promising career went up in smoke(chronicled in the documentary film, OVERNIGHT). After years of rumor and speculation, Duffy finally finished work on the sequel, Boondock Saints 2: All Saint's Day. Up front, I'll say that the trailer already has me interested. They've added two of my favorite actors, Cliffton Collins and the sexy Julie Benz, and the overall look of the film is a drastic improvement over the original. Check it out and see for yourself, but remember this is a redband so don't watch it at work, ya'll.

Ritchie and Lobo; a Match Made in Hell?

The former Mr. Madonna, Guy Ritchie, has inked a deal with Warner Bros. to direct Lobo, a big screen actioner about a cosmic bounty hunter who makes the DC Comics universe his home. The film will be next on Ritchie's list after Sherlock Holmes, which opens on Christmas Day.

Lobo was one of DC's most popular characters during the 90's, and is often compared to Marvel's Wolverine due to their similar power set, appearance, hard nose laconic attitude, and penchant for extreme violence. Despite this, Warner Bros. is shooting for a PG-13 rating when production begins early in 2010. The story has already been set, featuring Lobo arriving on Earth to bring in four violent fugitives. Lobo seeks the aid of a teenaged girl to help bring them in.

I guess WB never got a look at X-men Origins: Wolverine and exactly how lousy it's PG-13 made it. Well, Lobo would be worse. Imagine the Punisher with a PG-13 rating. Would you pay to see that? Neither would I. This adds another to an already impressive stable of WB comic book adaptations, but I have a feeling they've already sh*t the bed on Lobo before it's even under way. Ritchie is a great choice to direct, but his style doesn't lend itself to being reigned in. They might as well have chosen somebody else.

Taking Woodstock

I would've made for a terribly confused hippie. I can be honest with myself, I don't look good with big hair as evidenced by the Great Gumby Mishap of 1991. Pastel colors aren't really a good look for me, and I have no desire to break from societal restrictions. Plus I have a thing against open toed footwear. But I can support the idea of long haired, tight flower-embroidered pants wearing, braless women who believe in the free love concept. Free love is a good thing. Ang Lee's Taking Woodstock should've been also, but it fails to adequately portray the true significance of the event.

The story revolves around the true story of Eliot Tiber, a closeted young Jewish man working at his parents' hotel in very conservative Bethel, NY. Eliot's parents, Sonia(Imelda Staunton chewing every bit of scenery she can) and Jack(Henry Goodman) are hard working but poor folks. Jack's rather given up on life, no doubt urged to this decision by his golem-esque foot soldier of a wife. She's the type of mother who heaps out criticism by the spoonful in one breath, then offers to fix you something to eat in the next. Faced with impending foreclosure of their business, Eliot notices a news article about the Woodstock Festival, and it's search for a new home after it's license in another town had been pulled. Smelling opportunity for both financial gain and the rare chance to experience what he'd only seen on TV, Eliot picks up the phone and history is set on it's course.

Taking Woodstock isn't truly about the event. It's more of a backstage pass..or a raffle ticket if you were, to the concert itself. We never actually see a moment of the show itself, but we do meet some of the players who helped set it up, including famed organizer Michael Lang. We're introduced to these bit players seemingly in every other scene, but none of them really add much to the story itself, with the exception of Vilma, a transvestite security guard played by Liev Schreiber. I've now seen far more of Liev's legs than I ever cared to, but atleast his performance is one of the few that actually had some energy behind it. James Schamus's script barely touches upon the real meaning or significance behind Woodstock, trading all of that in for heavily stereotyped characters. Everything from Eliot's Jewish parents to the hippies to even Emile Hirsch as a Vietnam vet experiencing flashbacks get skewered here. If you're going to basically ignore Woodstock in a movie about Woodstock, the least you can do is make it interesting. Or funny. Something. I also have to say something about Demetri Martin's performance as Eliot. Look...I know you're always on Comedy Central and stuff...but this acting thing ain't for everybody. I know that when(if?) you went to acting school they told you to speak "real", but that doesn't mean everything needs to..be...said..in a slow..drone...like this. There is emotion in life, buddy. Sheltered does not = soulless.

Ang Lee is one of my favorite directors. I've always marveled at his bold film choices and his unique and imaginative hand behind the camera. His Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is still one of the most breath taking movies I've ever seen, and regardless of what people say his Hulk was in many ways superior to the sequel that followed. Atleast it had a unique look to it. I wish I could blame this film's many problems on the lousy script, which caves in mostly to hippie cliche and a trite story about "finding oneself", but some of that blame is on Lee's shoulders. He uses a very distracting split screen technique for some of the film's key scenes. Bear in mind that these aren't split shots of the same scene, they are of two totally different conversations taking place, but the dialogue remains constant throughout making it nearly impossible to tell what anyone is saying. Maybe the goal was to show just how large an event this had become, to try to capture how crazy and out of control the spectacle had become, but it was mostly just an irritation. He does get a chance to show his imaginative chops during an acid trip sequence featuring Paul Dano and my future ex-wife Kelli Garner. A great scene that shows what Lee can do when at the top of his game.

I'm no aficiando of the time period but I recognize that the Woodstock Festival is one of the touchstone moments in this country's recent history. But Taking Woodstock never gets that point across, despite it's best efforts. There's been many attempts to capture the event in film, and I'm sure there'll be many more. Hopefully the next time will be more like riding a cool wave and less like suffering through a bad acid trip

5/10

The Bad Paul Anderson Destroys the Classics

I'm thinking of starting an online petition to force Paul W.S. Anderson to change his name. I shouldn't have to include his pretentious middle initials just do differentiate him from the great Paul Thomas Anderson. W.S. makes Resident Evil....P.T. makes Boogie Nights, There Will Be Blood, and the movie we get our name from, Punch Drunk Love. Big friggin' difference.

It looks like ol' W.S. is back to his old tricks again, but now rather than making bad movies from popular video games he's turned his attention to the classics, specifically The Three Musketeers. Didn't they just make this movie a few years ago with Leonardo Dicaprio or something? But that movie didn't have the benefit of 3-D, did it? Noooooo. That's right. As if you won't be feeling moronic enough sitting through his "modernization" of a period piece, he wants you to look like a moron as well. From the horse's mouth...

“We are definitely modernizing ‘The Three Musketeers’ without compromising the fun of shooting a period piece,” said Anderson, who hopes to shoot in France and Germany. “But in our film, corsets and feathered hats don’t take center stage. Our version is rich in eye-popping action, romance and adventure.”

Yeah, that sounds like a winner. I'm not gonna lie, I've liked exactly two W.S. Anderson films. Event Horizon and Death Race, but otherwise he's been pretty craptastic. Consider me not a fan of this idea whatsoever. How much you wanna bet he finds a way to get Milla Jojovich involved? I'll bet you anything.

Heatvision has more on the story here.

Favreau Circles the Wagons Around Cowboys and Aliens

I don't know where Jon Favreau finds the time. Homie must be a mutant or somethin'. Or have a clone we don't know about. Iron Man 2 is pretty much wrapped up, and now he's already looking to tackle another project that's been on the backburner for the better part of 12 years. Favreau is being approached to direct Cowboys and Aliens, a film starring Robert Downey, Jr. about a war that breaks out when a spaceship crashes in the middle of the Old West.

The film has been on the outskirts of Hollywood since 1997, when when comedian Steve Odenkirk was attatched to both write and direct the film based on a one-sheet of a cowboy on horseback being chased by an alien craft. Since then, the project has changed hands numerous times, from Universal to Columbia to Dreamworks, but somehow production never got underway. In 2006 a graphic novel of Cowboys and Aliens was released, of which the film will be based. Production is set to begin next summer, and will be co-written by Lost's Damon Lindelof.

Well it's about friggin' time, and thank the Lord Steve Odenkirk is no longer attatched. I still haven't forgiven him for Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. I saw more people walk out of the theatre for that film than anyother, and with good reason. It's a completely laugh free experience. Favreau's proven he's got the good when it comes to adapting big, high concept ideas like this, and having Downey on board only makes it more intriguing.

Lionsgate Nails Down Kick-Ass, Expendables Release Dates

Somewhere during the last few months Lionsgate has become my favorite studio. Ok, Focus Features probably still has a slight edge but the gap is closing fast. Everytime Lionsgate puts out news on their upcoming slate of films, I gotta stand up and take notice. Taking the initiative to capitalize on the success of male skewing actioners lately, Lionsgate has tweaked it's 2010 release schedule a little bit.

The undisputed darling of San Diego Comic-Con, Matthew Vaughn and Mark Millar's dark vigilante comedy, Kick-Ass, has been given an April 16th release date. Lionsgate acquired the rights to the privately financed film only a few short weeks ago, and already it's looking like one of the lynchpins of their slate for next year. Wanna know what it'll be going against that weekend? SNL's MacGruber...Tracy Morgan and Chris Rock's Death at a Funeral...and Pirnha 3-D. I smell a blowout.

The Expendables, otherwise known as The Greatest Action Film Yet to be Released or GAFYR, has seen it's pushed back 4 months to August 20th. No reason is given, but I think Lionsgate realizes just how big of a phenomenon this movie can be with the proper marketing push, and placing it in the thick of the summer season gives it a big budget credibility that it otherwise wouldn't have had. Plus there is absolutely no competition on that date as of this time, which is a plus.

Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you, A CGI SMURF!

Here's the first teaser poster from the upcoming CGI adaptation of 'Smurfs'. That little fella actually looks pretty darn good...looks just like a 3D version of the original, but oddly reminiscent of claymation (think Wallace and Grommit). This flick is supposed to be a mix of CGI and live action ala Roger Rabbit so I'm really anxious to see who will play Gargamel as that's the only live person I can see in the Smurf universe...unless they do a 'Looney Toons: Back in Action' thing and have the Smurfs break into the real world. I'm just happy the look is more faithful to the original and not like Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Red Sonja Not Dead; McGowan Still Attatched?

Yesterday it was looking like the long gestating Red Sonja project was dead and buried following the news that potential director Robert Rodriguez had backed out. Rodriguez was the head cheerleader for the project, and wanted specifically to have Rose McGowan playing the female sword-swinger. Now thanks to the wonders that are Twitter, we have McGowan's take on the subject from her fingertips to the keyboard...

To clarify press reports: Red Sonja is delayed. I pulled out of doing it in '09. Not permanently.Hopefully will follow Conan.

So the project isn't dead, and she still seems to be attatched to the film in some way. But it doesn't say whether or not Rodriguez will be behind the camera, which is the crucial point for me. This becomes a much less interesting project without his involvement. But since this is his baby, and it looks like McGowan is back on board, I have little doubt that Rodriguez will eventually get around to it. The problem is that he's got a ton of projects on the backburner, including Thulsa Doom and Machete. So it's no telling when he'll ever get around to Sonja, which is a shame because all the press build up at last year's Comic-Con looked really strong.

Disney/Marvel Mash-Ups

By now everybody knows that Disney bought Marvel Comics for $4B yesterday. I'm not going to get into why I think this was a good/bad idea, because my concerns are pretty simple: I don't want to see Wolverine and Mickey Mouse anywhere near eachother in any medium I hold dear. Nor do I want to see any Disney influence over the comics I read every week. That's it. The financial side of it I'm far less interested in.

Anyway, the news has brought out everybody with a shred of artistic ability to come up with some of the funniest mash-ups of Marvel/Disney properties I've ever seen. Below are just some of my favorites.


Mouserine


The Disney Avengers!


Behold, Jafar!!


Donald Duck: Soldier of Liberty


Logald Duckerine by saiyagina


Beauty and The Thing by A. David Lewis


Mickey Stands Alone vs. The Marvel Universe!

Fox Reaches for Fantastic Four Reboot

Variety is reporting that 20th Century Fox has signed on Akiva Goldsman to produce a reboot of the Marvel superhero franchise, the Fantastic Four. This comes on the heels of Marvel being bought by the Walt Disney Co., but Fox still holds the film rights to not only Marvel's 1st Family but also Daredevil, the X-men, and the Silver Surfer. Michael Green, who writes for the TV show Heroes and co-wrote the upcoming Green Lantern film has been brought aboard to pen the script.

Right now there's still no word on who if any of the previous films' stars will be returning, but it's clear that Fox has not been happy so far. Both movies took in nearly $300M combined in the U.S. but failed to latch on with audiences.

You wanna know why they didn't latch on? They weren't very good. I'll be the first to admit that the Fantastic Four is probably the toughest sell of all of Marvel's stable of characters. They have a Golden Age hokeyness to them, much like Superman, that makes it tough to bring them into a more modern age without compromising what makes them unique. I thought they finally were getting a handle on it with The Rise of the Silver Surfer, bringing big universe spanning sci-fi action that is supposed to be at the core of what the FF is all about. Despite my issues with the franchise, I hope they don't deviate too far. The cast isn't the problem. That's about as much of an endorsement for Chris Evans as you're gonna get out of me.