The icon of action, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, officially makes his
return to a starring action role in The
Last Stand, a movie that feels exactly right as either Ahnold’s big
comeback or, more likely, his swan song. Here’s the thing about action films,
they can be completely run of the mill yet still be extremely fun…no other
genre can do that…there’s something about stuff blowing up I suppose. It doesn’t
work anywhere else, comedy gets unwatchable when the same one note joke is used
over the years and drama? Don’t even try it…you’re asleep 30 minutes in if
there isn’t something unique. The Last
Stand is as generic as it gets when you’re talking plot. Schwarzenegger
plays Sheriff Ray Owens, a former LAPD cop who, moved to Boringsville USA aka
Sommerton Junction after an on the job tragedy left him wanting nothing to do
with serious crime. I suppose Sheriff Owens never watched many movies, if he
had he would have realized that Sommerton, being a border town, was destined
for a serious outlaw or two. That destiny is fulfilled when Gabriel Cortez, the
Pablo Escobar of his time, escapes custody and heads for Mexico complete with
an army of henchman clearing the way and a human insurance policy in the
passenger seat. As the title implies Owens and his band of small town misfits
(most notably Johnny Knoxville and Luis Guzman) must make the last stand to
keep Cortez from freedom. More End of
Days than The Terminator in terms of lasting impact on cinema, but that’s exactly why I prefaced this summary with that bit on the curve on which action movies are to be judged…let’s be honest though, this flick is less about the movie itself and more about the
return of Arnold, are we witnessing the first page in the second coming of
action’s greatest star?
No, no we are not. Yeah, I know that was lazy…I could’ve
teased it a bit more or come up with some insightful metaphor but that would
seem contradictory to the film we’re talking about, deliver what’s promised in
the most blunt no frills way possible…that’s the theme of The Last Stand. Though, if I was being completely thorough I would
have said that with some weird unnatural way. That’s the biggest problem with
the movie, Schwarzenegger has lost that magical ability to make you completely
forget how out of place he is, and has been, in every role he’s played. The
role of Ray Owens was obviously written with salt of the earth red-blooded
American actor in mind, then Arnold decides to make his comeback with it and no
one thought some revamping of the dialogue were necessary. Like I said, this
same template applies to every movie he’s done but the difference is he no
longer has the physicality, presence, or charisma to make you just accept him
as the character. Throughout the entire movie I couldn’t help but to wonder if
this was a story about a hero stepping up or a really sad attempt by the
witness relocation program. It’s not all bad, quite the opposite really…it’s
just that when you say it’s time for a legend to hang it up you better at least
have a few words to back that up.

While I think it would’ve been much better for everyone
involved if Schwarzenegger had chosen a different film in which to make his
comeback The Last Stand surprisingly holds
firm and ends up as an enjoyable if not overly silly at times action flick for
those needing their fix of the genre. No need to rush out to theaters as this
one will serve you just find when it hits home video in a few months.
3 out of 5 Guttenbergs