What the hell was Gary Oldman doing in this? That was the only thought keeping me awake during this plodding snooze fest of a horror flick. Surely this isn't the same man who played Stansfield in Leon the Professional? This must be his less talented twin, Barry Oldman, playing this stock rabbi character tasked with exorcising the demon. Maybe Gary was possessed of a dybbuk himself. That is the only explanation I can come up with, other than that the mortgage was due.
Because surely he didn't take a gander at the script and decide this was just too good to pass up. The idea by itself has merit and some unique qualities to it, unfortunately it abandons every one of those qualities in favor of cliches. It stars Cloverfield's Odette Yustman as Casey, who has been plagued with visions of boy-faced dogs and that trusty horror nugget, the creepy four year old boy with the icy stare. After Casey's neighbor clocks her upside the head with a mirror(probably for accepting this part), her eyes begin to change color, a sure sign that she used to be a twin! Her father pops up for a second to confirm that bit of info, then hightails it for the remainder of the film. She figures out that the spirit of her unborn sibling is possessed by a dybbuk, a Jewish spirit, is attempting to reenter the world. Why? I have no clue. I can assume it's not because he misses playing with his dreidle. There really is no answer given, nor did I care to find out.
People of various types drop in to get killed, of course. Meagan Good, once again proving that she can ALWAYS be the worst actress on any set regardless of the shallow talent pool around her, plays Casey's superstitious best friend. The blond guy from Never Back Down is here, too as the stock boyfriend guy. I liked Never Back Down. He should've stayed there. Carla Gugino and even Idris Elba pop in for what felt like the oddest gathering of name actors phoning in work. It was like a damn telethon or something. There was a row of four African-American ladies in front of me, who cooed loudly when Idris made his first appearance in this movie. Then a second later one of them said, "What's he doing here"? They never cooed again, and not just because his character was uncomfortably lame, but because....well, okay, because he was uncomfortably lame.
The biggest offense this film commits is that of wasting my precious time. So much time is spent building up the back story of this Jewish demon, establishing it's parameters and it's mythology, that very little happens. Casey goes to the penitentiary to either grieve or investigate. Casey goes to the nursing home. We spend the entire movie following her around from place to place. By the time she actually gets around to doing anything about her situation, the film's over and I'm bored to tears trying to figure out the "dollars per minute" Oldman earned for this turd.
And then, they have the nerve to toss in a lame "twist" at the end. Were we supposed to ooooh and ahhhh at this discovery? Was I supposed to care about what this news entailed for poor Casey? I only care if they were trying to set us up for the idea of a sequel, the thought of which is about as appealing as bloodworms gnawing on my genitals. No thank you. I can only assume that the script, shat out by David Goyer, was one he had been holding on to for about twenty years and has since been used to prop up an uneven table leg in his office. The man is box office gold right now, with the Blade films and the Dark Knight ofcourse, and he could probably sell ground up fecal matter to a studio if he wanted to. In fact, he did want to, and he has done it. Good for him.
3/10
