Mutant Chronicles wastes no time jumping right into the thick of the action. In the future, the four largest corporations wield their own private armies against eachother in a desperate war claim the last of the Earth's resources. Sounds cool, right? Well, forget it. An evil machine sleeps beneath the surface, and when it's accidentally unearthed during a fierce battle, it unleashes an army of murderous mutants to destroy humanity. Who can stop it? Thomas Jane, ofcourse, and unlike his role in HBO's Hung he's wielding a broadsword of a totally different type if you catch my none too subtle drift.
Jane leads a multi-national force of soldiers against the mutant horde. Along for the ride are Devon Aoki as a gun toting MILF with an attitude, and sci-fi staple Ron Perlman as a priest who believes it's his destiny to save mankind from the evil horde.
Mutant Chronicles feels like a refugee from the SyFy network. It's cheap, cheesy digital effects rob the creatures of much of their ferocity. It's hard to take them seriously. The film is shot in a washed out greyscale that looks like somebody who might've snuck onto the set of The Spirit found his way to smaller, worser(I know) things. Speaking of guys who snuck on set, John Malkovich embarassingly shows his face for all of 2 minutes, adding to his surprisingly rich catalogue of guest appearances in movies that are far beneath his skill level.
If it sounds like I'm being particularly harsh, it's all out of disappointment. I anticipated this movie for months based solely on the premise and the talented cast. The opening segment is pulpy with just a big splash of B-movie gore. It's bloody, brutal, and the laconic one-liners fly fast and furious. Then the plot starts, and it all goes downhill from there. I don't expect a ton of characterization, but I do expect to give a crap about somebody, otherwise why should I care when they get impaled on a spike or come back from the dead as a mutant/human hybrid? Thomas Jane might as well have been sleepwalking. Hell, I think he actually was one scene...
Mutant Chronicles might appeal to the most hardcore science fiction fanatic. Then again it might not, because I certainly count myself as part of that club, and I'm struggling to find a reason for anyone to rent this beyond curiosity.
4/10
Next on The Queue: Steven Seagal battles vampires in 2009's Against the Dark!
