It must be pretty rough when you constantly take second fiddle to a snowdrift. But that's exactly what happens through this glacially paced, slow as molasses in February crime "thriller". Kate Beckinsale is a US Marshall stationed in Antarctica, and if that phrase alone makes you laugh then maybe there's some hope that you'll find something to enjoy about this crap. When a murder is discovered on the frozen continent, it's up to her to find the culprit before the arctic winter hits and life basically shuts down for months.
To say that Kate Beckinsale's character, Carrie, is as lifeless as a zombie is to do an injustice to zombies everywhere. They should revolt. When Carrie discovers multiple corpses, all pretty badly ravaged I might add, her reaction is akin to if she accidentally stepped on an M&M and made a mess. I could understand a polished, hardened vet who's seen some pretty screwed up stuff, but there are no murders in Antarctica. I think they even state that this was the first in their history, so she might want to act like it. Just a little.
Based on the brilliant graphic novel by crime writer Greg Rucka, the film lacks any of the book's pacing and atmosphere, which is weird since you'd think atmosphere is something the film would have in spades. Instead the mammoth snowfall serves as little more than window dressing for what is a stock TV movie procedural. It's like watching an episode of that awful Dragnet remake only everybody's wearing parkas. What's more, when an action sequence finally does take place at the film's "grand" finale, it's so covered in white that it looked like a Tea Party rally. It was impossible to tell what was going on. Ugh.
Tom Skerritt shows up to help drive home the TV movie feel of this dud. This ain't Picket Fences, homie. Columbus Short(Armored, Stomp the Yard) is here doing yeoman work as the guy who discovers the murders, but he might as well be a lampshade. And low and behold, there's Gabrielle Macht. He's becoming quite adept at stinkin' up comic book adaptations, fresh from Frank Miller's The Spirit just last December. He might as well have "red herring" stamped across his forehead. He plays another agent somehow tied up in this great big Antarctic murder conspiracy. The Great Muppet Caper was more compelling. Pass on this.
2/10
