Derek "Tooth Fairy" Thompson doesn't really look like a hockey player. He looks like he just stepped out from a GQ model shoot. He lacks the scraggy, brutish demeanor of his teammates. Apparently he was a former star, who got busted down to the minors after an injury, and then began honing his new caveman demeanor. He's dating Carly(Ashley Judd), a single mother with two kids. Derek, being the thoughtful gentleman that he is, kicks the film off with a bang by first stealing the youngest daughter's tooth money right from under her pillow in order to gamble it, then attempting to bust the poor child's belief in the tooth fairy. This guy's a keeper. I'm sure ladies were lining up at the door for this chump.
As punishment for even trying to convince a child they don't exist, Derek is sentenced to two weeks hard labor as a tooth fairy. You'd think they'd be used to not being believed in by now, but they are apparently very sensitive to it. Fairyland looks a lot like the DMV. There isn't just one tooth fairy, but a whole brigade. Some of them are pretty hot, too. I would've been happy with just a passing attempt to mack on one of these ladies, but we get nada. This is strictly kiddie fare, and the Rock gets no tail at all. Not even from his girlfriend. Derek is overseen by a handler, Tracy(Stephen Merchant). The two don't get a long. I'm sure you're surprised to hear that. Actually, the best bits of the film take place in Fairyland. Billy Crystal plays a weaponeer who outfits Derek with his arsenal of gadgets. It's a role similar to the one Crystal played in The Princess Bride. Julie Andrews is the head fairy in charge. She's basically Mary Poppins with wings. These scenes click, mainly because these veteran actors help temper The Rock's....um...enthusaistic(?) comedic style. To be fair, he only overdoes it when dealing with other fairies. He's far more comfortable in the scenes with Judd or the children where he gets to utilize his obvious charm.
Unforunately not enough of the film is in Fairyland, and everything else is a disaster. The jokes, such as they are, fall flat. This is humor intended for small children, or for parents faking laughter in hopes that their children will catch on and settle down. In the theater I was at, the kids did nothing but talk. And not about the movie. An indicator that maybe even children are above this mess.
There's an irritating subplot with Derek being replaced by some young hotshot superstar. If they spent more than 5 minutes on the ice maybe I'd care. Nope, that probably wouldn't have helped either. Ashley Judd seems woefully miscast. Maybe I'm just too used to seeing her run for her life from jealous ex-husbands or something that I can't accept her in a kiddie comedy like this. Her chemistry with The Rock is so non-existent that I have to believe it's intentional. Is the sequel going to be a divorce comedy? That could be interesting.
The Rock could buy and sell me a hundred times over, so saying that I felt sorry watching him in his little pink ballerina outfit doesn't make a lot of sense. However, everytime he had to choke down another awful line of childish dialogue, I couldn't help but feel that the man formerly known as The People's Champ has ever been more dead. The Gameplan, another Rock film, is one that I've avoided for fear of how awful it might be. Surely it's better than this, though? Right?
3/10
