If Little Fockers were a person I would slap it in the face. I take that back. I would punch it in the gut then body slam it into the middle of next week. Then I'd travel back in time to ensure that whoever first came up with the idea for Meet the Parents met a most ignoble fate. I would say that the cast of this putrid dog were wringing every last dollar in this meager attempt to keep alive a dead franchise, but that would mean they were trying to begin with. Little Fockers is the type of movie so bad that when it's shown on airplanes in a few weeks people will be begging for the loss of air pressure. Worst of all, it's not even about Little friggin' Fockers. So we can add false advertising to the list of criminal offenses.
Greg (formerly Gaylord) Focker has apparently become some sort of super nurse, so great as whatever it is he does that pharmaceutical reps are throwing themselves at him to present their latest drugs. Ok, sure. Enter the sexy and insanely enthusiastic drug rep, Andi Garcia(Jessica Alba). Yes, jokes about the actor are predictably made and are about as funny as you think they are. She's way into Greg, and wants him to push her latest product. This gets under the skin of Jack "Tiberius" Byrnes(a painful Robert De Niro), who worries about the relationship between Greg and his daughter, Pam, now that they've had kids. I think old man needs to get some and stop worrying about others. Just so happens that Andi's latest drug is...you guessed it, a Viagra knock-off! Honk if you love penis humor! Good, because you'll get plenty.
Jack's got more on his mind than just a stiff willy, though. His family tree is is jeopardy, what with the Focker sap now running through his grandkids' veins. His grandson, which the lazy script by a cavalcade of screenwriters(I'm assuming one wrote while the others napped) makes obvious to point out is the dumber of the two, could potentially have a lethal "double dose" of Focker. The solution is for Jack to put through Greg through the paces, getting his financial house in order, and making sure his kids are put up in the most expensive school money can buy.
Don't be fooled into thinking that the story really gives a crap about the futures of the two Focker kiddies, it's really just an excuse for us to see more of the same tired squabbling between Greg and Jack that we've seen for two movies already. At this point, De Niro and Stiller appear to be on complete auto-pilot. Every joke is warmed over nothingness. Owen Wilson returns for a cup of stale coffee as Pam's zen guru ex-fiance. Why he bothered is beyond me. At least Dustin Hoffman(returning as Greg's pop) was smart enough to hold out for more money. In case you didn't know, Hoffman wasn't going to be in the film at all, but when some empty suit finally took a look at the laugh empty final product they were crawling over mountains to get him to return. It doesn't even take that much attention to see that Hoffman's flamenco dancing scenes don't fit at all in the flow of the film. He's a complete afterthought.....and the movie remains a completely laugh free experience. Give that money to charity next time, Paramount. No other movie wastes talent quite as efficiently as Little Fockers.
Paul Weitz takes over as director from the only marginally more capable Jay Roach. I won't fault him for this disaster.Nobody could make this junk work. I will say that it's been nearly 12 years since American Pie and 8 years since About a Boy. Long time. That's all I'm sayin'. No judgment.
