“Is your father cruel, like mine?” Come fight death with me.”
“Show me your cunt. I want to see if it’s worth fighting for.” LYRICAL POETRY
on last night’s episode of Game of Thrones, guys, lyrical poetry. And by that I
mean, so much talking in “Second Sons”! I don’t mind, mainly because I actually
thought this episode moved along at a fast clip and set up lots of important
storylines and subplots for rounding out season three, as well as introducing
elements of season four, but man, did David Benioff and D. B. Weiss outdo
themselves with some of the one-liners this episode. Well done, men, especially
since you were following last week’s “The Bear and the Maiden Fair,” penned by
George R. R. Martin himself.
But whereas “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” seemed to drag
ever so slightly before that jaw-dropping finale with Jaime and Brienne, “Second
Sons” was rapid throughout, focusing on really only three storylines: Tyrion’s
and Sansa’s wedding in King’s Landing, Dany’s preparations to storm slave city Yunkai,
and Melisandre on Dragonstone, scheming against Gendry and freaking out Stannis
and Davos in the process. Could Melisandre be the most attractive, sexually
manipulative cult leader ever? Probably, yes; I would follow that woman anywhere even though HOW DARE SHE HAVE SEX WITH GENDRY. UNACCEPTABLE.
So for this week’s five best moments, click through! (Oh,
and of course: SPOILERS ahead!)
And don't forget that Game of Thrones is taking next week, Memorial Day weekend, off, so check back here in two weeks for your penultimate recap!
1. This is clearly going to
be the episode Peter Dinklage submits for Emmy consideration this year,
right? Because, Tyrion telling Joffrey that if he didn’t lay off, he would
be “fucking your own bride with a wooden cock,” was basically a one-upping
of the slap in the face he gave the boy-king so many episodes ago, and it
was wonderful. But who could blame Tyrion for wanting everyone to leave
him alone? His wedding to Sansa, forced by his father Tywin, is cruel and
unusual punishment for both of them, even though I come down more on
Tyrion’s side here for being kind and considerate, if distant, to the
Stark girl, who I think is more sad that she’s marrying a dwarf than
anything else. (P.S. I hate Sansa, and think she’s particularly
unsympathetic in this storyline, so, there’s that.) But of course, this
wedding ceremony was ridiculous in every way—from Joffrey taking Tyrion’s
footstool so he couldn’t properly cloak Sansa in his protection to the
impressive amount of wine Tyrion gulped down, it was just a shitshow
through and through. It all felt very claustrophobic and meaningless, and
yet I was particularly affected by Sansa only reaching for the wine when
she reached the bedchambers she’s supposed to now be sharing with her
husband. If she’s going to have sex with Tyrion, she needs to be drunk to
do it—and so when he saves her with a “Can’t. I could. I won’t,” I felt overwhelmingly
sad for everyone involved. Poor Tyrion. Poor Shae. And poor Sansa, I
guess, even though I think at some point she should figure out how good
she has it right now. (I’m not trying to say forced marriage is ever a good thing, BUT LET’S KEEP
THIS IN PERSPECTIVE, GUYS.)
2. “I fight for beauty,” says
Daario Naharis, and so we’re introduced to (clearly) Dany’s new love
interest, played by Ed Skrein, who I don’t really mind but I think is
basically like a B-level Tom Wlaschiha, who played Jaqen H’ghar. I dunno,
something about their faces is similar to me? But Wlaschiha is more
attractive? OK, anyway. So Daario is a lieutenant in the Second Sons
mercenaries that Dany hires to help her attack Yunkai (this is a change
from the books, in which two factions, the Second Sons and Stonecrows,
were approached by Dany), but only because Daario took it upon himself to
kill his two superiors who considered betraying and murdering Dany. Daario
is an honorable guy, you see, with only two priorities: bedding women who
want to have sex with him and killing men who want to kill him. So it’s
all about the give and take for Daario, and of course this kind of
take-charge personality is going to attract Dany. “We had philosophical
differences … over your beauty,” he tells her. “It meant more to me than
it did to them. I only do what I want to do.” And so when Dany
sarcastically asks of the heads thrown at her feet, “This is supposed to
impress me,” we all know it does. OF COURSE IT DOES. Remember when Khal
Drogo killed your brother and it was super-hot and we loved him for it?
That’s basically why we love Daario. And so now he has pledged himself to
Dany, and now he’s seen her naked getting regally out of her bath like she
doesn’t give a fuck in the world about being nude in front of strangers,
and now they’re totally going to do it. Obviously.
3. So is Stannis getting
second thoughts about Melisandre, or what? Perhaps, perhaps; why else
would he visit Davos in the dungeons and set him free? Although Stannis
makes Davos promise that he won’t hurt Melisandre, I loved how that scene
was shot: both Stannis and Davos looking like they’re trapped behind bars,
caught in the circumstances they’ve made for themselves. (Also, we finally
get an update about what Stannis saw in those flames way back when: “I saw
a vision in the flames. A great battle in the snow. I saw it. And you saw
whatever she gave birth to. I never believed, but when you see the truth,
when it’s right there in front of you, as real as these iron bars, how can
you deny her god is real?”) I think Stannis still believes in Melisandre’s
power, and still believes that he’s going to save the world, like she
tells him, but it’s clear that he’s concerned about, or at least
frustrated with, Melisandre’s cavalier attitude about her plans for his
nephew Gendry. Although the Red Woman boasts about how slaughtering a lamb
is all about the animal not knowing it’s in danger, we of course know
Gendry is in for a shitty time of it—and when she seduces him, ties him
up, and then leeches him for his blood, it’s all bad news. As she and
Stannis throw the leeches into the fire, reciting the names of each of the
usurpers of what he considers his throne—Robb Stark, Balon Greyjoy, and Joffrey
Baratheon—it’s an important, important moment, one that foreshadows a
bunch of things coming up and again asserts that Melisandre does have
power. It just doesn’t always work the way she wants.
4. We get some good humor
from Lady Olenna this week, as she tries to figure out all the weird ways
the Lannisters and Tyrells will be related when Margaery marries Joffrey
and Cersei marries Loras. “Your brother will become your father-in-law,
that much is beyond dispute,” she says to Margaery, and I can’t figure if
Olenna is really getting a kick out of this or if she really just does not
give a fuck. Maybe both? And joining her in the not giving a fuck
department is Cersei, who shuts down Loras’s feeble attempt to bond with
her: “Nobody cares what your father once told you.” Zing!
5. And finally, Sam and Gilly
prove themselves useful by killing a White Walker with the dragonglass
dagger Sam found out near the Fist of the First Men all those episodes
ago. It’s a very eerie scene, one that was heavily included in the trailers
for this season, and I especially liked the dozens of crows that clustered
near the heart tree, cawing their little hearts out. Great impact here,
from the White Walker shattering Sam’s sword just by gripping it and then
its destruction after being stabbed, when it crumples into a bunch of ice
and snow and just disappears. Maybe Sam should have picked up the
dragonglass dagger before he ran away with Gilly and her son, though?
Just. Saying.
+ A few (OK, many) final thoughts:
+ Tyrion unknowingly mirroring his brother Jaime when he says,
“Tyrion, Sansa. My name is Tyrion,” wrecked me. Oh, Lannister brothers. If only
you knew how similar you are. (Another great mini-speech from Tyrion last
night, as he accompanied Sansa to their bedchamber: “I vomited on a girl once in
the middle of the act. Not proud of it, but I think honesty is important
between a man and a wife, don’t you agree? Come, I’ll tell you all about it,
put you in the mood.”)
+ I can’t help but love the Hound, even though he’s
essentially terrible, because he's the only person following through on reuniting Arya with her mother Catelyn and brother Robb by taking her to the Twins for the wedding of Edmure and the Frey girl. “Fuck Joffrey. Fuck the Queen,” the Hound
says, and you can’t put it more bluntly (or better) than that. Also, Arya
saying to the Hound, “There’s no one worse than you,” really is indicative of
how much she’s missed by running off to Harrenhal, hanging out with Jaqen, and
then creating a very pitiable but lovable mini-family with Gendry. If she still
thinks the Hound is the worst dude around, then she’s blissfully ignorant of
all the other terrible shit going on, no? (And yes, the image of her riding
side-saddle with the Hound just reinforces what a little girl Arya really is.)
+ Yes, I think Cersei is truly wretched, but oh, how I loved
her sparring with Margaery this week. For a Tyrell who is supposed to be great
at talking people into doing whatever she wants, I adored Margaery getting put
down by Cersei this week, who threatens her with the story of House Reyne of
Castamere, who tried to rise up against the Lannisters and was totally
slaughtered. So Margaery’s “We’re going to be sisters soon; we should be
friends,” falls on very disgusted ears indeed. “If you ever call me ‘sister’
again, I’ll have you strangled in your sleep,” says Cersei, and although she’s
not really playing her hatred close to the chest (which would be smarter for
her to do, I think), it’s still indicative of how much Cersei really and truly
hates not only the idea of marrying Loras, but of being with anyone who isn’t
in her family. That Lannister loyalty runs deep, and so the incest? It’s gross,
but I kind of get it.
+ ARGH, JOFFREY. Every week Jack Gleeson succeeds in making
me hate the boy-king so fucking much, this time with him sneering to Sansa that
since “your father’s gone,” he’ll be giving her away at her wedding to Tyrion. Way
to humble-brag about your murder of your one-time fiancee’s noble father,
Joffrey. Classily played. (Of course, his threat after the wedding that he
would rape her that night was awful, too, but his callous mentioning of Ned
Stark resonated with me first.)
+ Clearly Mero, the Titan’s Bastard, one of the commanders
of the Second Sons mercenaries Dany considers hiring to help her storm Yunkai,
is the grossest gross dude who has ever grossed (i.e., his perviness was real
impressive). But I still chuckled at how creatively disgusting his lines were,
like him telling Dany that she looks like a prostitute who “licked my ass like
she was born to do it,” and I was fascinated by how close he came to smelling
translator Missandei’s crotch as she poured him his wine—“fascinated” in that
statement clearly meaning “transfixed with revulsion.” Of course Jorah and
Barristan Selmy are opposed to hiring this brute of a man, but only Daario could
get away with beheading him (that's his head right there on the left!)—an act that seems to attract Dany very much indeed.
+ Two other things about the Yunkai storyline: First, I’m
sad the TV show version of Daario doesn’t have the blue hair and three-pronged
beard he has in the books, but only because that look is described so
ridiculously that I love it. However, I’m happy with the level of detail the
costuming staff continues to give Dany: Did anyone else notice her hair sticks
when she was in the bath had dragons on them? Or maybe you were looking at naked
Emilia Clarke and only I was paying attention to her accessories? Oh, OK.
+ And finally, a question: Shae has a very brief look of
relief and happiness when she pulls aside Sansa’s sheets and realizes the lack
of blood means her and Tyrion didn’t have sex on their wedding night, but
wouldn’t it be smarter of her—instead of taking the sheets to be washed—to fake
a bloodstain? I don’t exactly remember how this was handled in Martin’s
original book, but part of me thinks Tywin is a man who would demand proof that
Tyrion took Sansa’s virginity and is actively trying to impregnate her with a
Lannister child. Wouldn’t some wine made to look like blood get Tywin off their
backs?
+ OK, ACTUALLY FINALLY, here’s this week’s Gendry-is-hot
picture. Plus, we finally hear Joe Dempsie talk for more than three seconds, as
he tells Melisandre about his shitty childhood (“We knew it wasn’t chicken”)
and is concerned about her idea of a holy ceremony (“This doesn’t seem very
religious,” he stammers as she disrobes him). The leech on his crotch,
though—that certainly wasn’t what Gendry had in mind. Poor Gendry. Just admit
that Arya is the only one for you and be done with it!
