That about sums up last night’s episode, right? Eric was
only in it for a little bit, but his shadow fell over practically everything
this episode. Eric finding out about Hep V being in the True Blood colored
Willa’s, Pam’s, Tara’s, et al.’s decision not to drink it—and how they all came
to be gathered in that room where Bill said they’ll “meet the sun.” Eric facing
off with Bill about whether he is God or not colored Bill’s later interactions
with Sookie. And Eric following Sookie to see where she was keeping Warlow, and
his slipping into that faerie domain to drink Warlow’s blood and be able to
day-walk and return to Vamp Camp, will set things up very nicely for this
season’s final two episodes.
But there was a lot of crap in last night’s episode, too.
Nicole and Sam being in love, and him being able to smell pregnancy on her?
Ugh. Jason basically being Violet’s feeding toy? Also gross. And finally we
have Sookie Stackhouse, who was pretty much terrible this episode, in pretty
much every way a person can be terrible.
So what were the five best moments in this week’s True
Blood? For my thoughts, click through! (And obviously, SPOILERS AHEAD.)
1. Let’s start off with how much Sookie sucks, because, ah
jeez, she sucks so much. So basically she’s still considering Warlow’s eternity
suggestion and Bill’s bring-me-Warlow’s-blood suggestion, and she’s walking
around in a daze in her house, trying to figure out both men’s ultimatums. But
after a fairly creepy flashback to one of her first interactions with Warlow,
back when he was still bearded and old-looking and wearing a hat and snarling
things like “I’m coming for you, you are mine” through that alternate dimension
portal in her bathroom, she starts reconsidering all of her choices. And a
voice message left from Jason raises some questions we’ve all been thinking:
Where is Niall, anyway? Is Sookie ready to give up all the vampires in her
life? Can she survive on her own? But because Sookie is the worst person ever,
first she tries to get Bill’s sympathy about her dilemma (“Not really, no,” is
his wonderfully deadpan response to her freakout about whether he cares she
might end up with another guy), and then she marches over to her parents’
graves and tells them off (“So fuck you, Mom and Dad!”), and then she finally
ends up at Merlotte’s, but no, it’s not to work or anything. Instead, it’s to
beg Sam to run away with her so they can be together, but no, Sam is kind of
busy right now! And since the show hasn’t suggested anything between Sookie and
Sam in, I don’t know, years, this was an awfully selfish development from Ms.
Stackhouse. So finally she just decides to give into Warlow’s and Bill’s
demands, putting on a black minidress (so unbelievably short, that hemline!)
and fuck-me pumps and taking Bill to the faerie realm where she left Warlow.
But no! He’s been eaten by, as Bill glumly says, Eric! So sorry for you,
Sookie. So sorry all the men in your life just can’t save you. SO SORRY YOU’RE
ONE OF THE WORST CHARACTERS ON THIS SHOW NOW.
2. But now let’s segue into Eric, who is pretty much the
best. He starts things off this episode by mocking Bill’s divine illusions (“You’re
taking me for a ride with your mind, Bill!” is how he makes fun of Bill’s
telepathic telekinetic abilities [fellow PDC-er Julian Lytle pointed out my error; I should have just written "Carrie powers"]) and very firmly saying “You’re not fucking God.” But even
though Bill tries to hold Eric to his promise to help him save all the vampires,
Eric only cares about avenging his sister Nora’s death and saving Pam et al.
from Vamp Camp, so he follows Sookie to the cemetery and guesses at how to get
into the faerie realm where she’s hiding Warlow. And then all he needs to do is
drink Andy’s half-faerie daughter Adilyn’s blood to gain entry into the portal,
where Warlow becomes a lovely midnight snack for him.
3. Let’s transition into Vamp Camp! Lots of stuff happened
there this week, but most insane is Sarah Newlin getting in touch with her
inner murderer. After Ms. Suzuki from Tru Blood shows up to speak with Gov.
Burrell, Sarah has to cover up his murder by committing another—smashing Ms.
Suzuki’s face into the grate above male gen-pop and then stabbing her in the
head with her own stiletto heel. I’m sorry, but I found everything about this
sequence fucking disgusting and disturbing. I think how the show has developed
Sarah’s character this season has been pretty good—she’s obviously completely
unhinged—but was killing a top businesswoman at the company you want to use to
kill all vampires really a good idea? It just seemed so unbelievably
short-sighted and idiotic on Sarah’s part. If you want to play big girl and
wear pantsuits, you can’t go around flippantly murdering people. To be fair,
her “Thank you, Jesus!” was totally on-point. But if Jason doesn’t end up
killing Sarah by the end of this season, I’m gonna be pissed.
4. And also in Vamp Camp, we have the duel developments of
Jason becoming Violet’s feeding toy and James somewhat befriending Steve
Newlin. Because Violet is a follower of “badass medieval times Catholicism,”
she wants Jason to be her one and only; even if they get out of Vamp Camp, “You
are mine … forever,” she says (ugh). In another part of Vamp Camp, James, after
being busted having sex with Jessica and admitting that he likes her, warns
Steve Newlin not to drink the Tru Blood—which Steve, despite telling the
scientists and Sarah everything he knows about Eric et al., didn’t know. But
because Steve is a weak piece of shit, he spills to Sarah that James, the
hippie vamp, knew about the Hep V in the Tru Blood, and so James, Steve, Jessica,
Violet, Willa, Tara, and Pam all end up in that sun room from Bill’s vision. They
can’t all die, right? I’m thinking maybe Steve will die, and James will die
saving Jessica, and maybe Willa will die to give Eric some kind of guilt moving
into next season? But if Pam or Tara die, I WILL LOSE IT.
5. And yawn, we finally get conclusions to both the Alcide
and Sam storylines. After revealing that she had kidnapped Nicole and her mom,
Rikki challenged Alcide to be packmaster, with that girl Rikki forced to
service Alcide, Danielle, serving as her second. But Alcide is obviously HUGE
and ONLY MUSCLE AT THIS POINT, so he throws them all around but abstains from killing
them. Which will probably come back to bite him in the ass, knowing how this
show works. But then Alcide meets up with Sam after giving Nicole and Mrs.
Wright back to him, and guess what, they can both smell on Nicole that she’s
pregnant with Sam’s kid! Because that’s not disgusting in the least! And even
more revolting is Sam deciding that he loves Nicole, and she loves him too,
even though they’ve had barely two conversations and they’ve only known each
other a week and, as Mrs. Wright points out, Nicole is only 23. She is so right
when she calls Sam a silver fox, and so right when she doubts that this
relationship will work. Because it won’t.
+ And finally, some of my favorite lines and moments from “Dead
Meat”:
+ “I’m going to become the very thing that you hated so much
you were willing to kill me over it. Because I’ll be damned if I’m going to
spend eternity lying by your sides. I’d rather walk the earth as a corpse than
spend another minute thinking about you.” Oh, Sookie. I hope you stop by Hot
Topic after that particularly angsty rant at your parents’ graves. So much
angst!
+ In contrast to Sookie’s speech to her parents, which was
angsty but at least somewhat explicable given all of her shit with them, was
Violet’s to Jason as she was feeding on him at Vamp Camp. She is the worst new
addition to this season, no? And this insane diatribe to Jason was not helping:
“When we fuck—and we will fuck, Jason—it is going to be mutually consensual,
and not only that, you’re going to want to fuck me very badly. But I won’t let
you. I’m going to make you woo me and then I’m going to make you beg me, and
when you’ve wooed me and begged me to my satisfaction, I’m still going to make
you work for it. Because I’m not that kind of a girl, and I know how I deserve
to be treated.” Does that treatment include Jessica killing Violet out of rage
and jealousy? Because I would very much like for that to happen.
+ “I’m your pack master!” PLEASE, I NEVER WANT TO HEAR
ALCIDE SAYING THESE WORDS AGAIN. EVER.
+ “Are you out of your fucking mind, bitch?” says the one
black werewolf to Rikki. We learn his name is Kenneth. Thanks for your input,
Kenneth!
+ “I’ve loved you for nearly 6,000 years. I don’t want to
wait to start my eternity with you. I can’t.” Warlow’s admissions of love get
creepier by the episode, no? I’m still waiting for him to end up snapping
Sookie’s neck or something. This affectionate Edward Cullen crap is just
getting on my nerves at this point.
+ “You gotta eat your grease to beat the blues,” Lafayette
tells Arlene after frying her up a big plate of bacon to deal with her
grief-induced hangover. Preach, Lala, preach!
+ “What are you drinking about? What’s your drama?” asks
Sam, before Sookie tries to convince him to be with her because she can’t
handle loneliness. They’re both the worst.
+ “Eighth grade was hard on all of us,” an unsympathetic
James tells Steve Newlin as he complains about all the extra pairs of underwear
he needed to bring to school because of the constant wedgies. You probably
deserved them all, Steve.
+ Worst line of the episode goes to “Don’t rape me,” from
Jason to Violet, because I still think this show is terrible at dealing with
that subject. So terrible.
+ And most depressing was Arlene’s “Y’all are burying a lie!”
told to Terry’s grandmother and sister as they planned a funeral service for
him that was full of guns and military propaganda. Oh, Arlene. I vacillate so
often between sympathizing with her and thinking she’s terrible (like when she
tells Andy to get “Rev. Daniels from the black church,” instead of just Rev.
Daniels), but I think her knowing that Terry planned his own death will be an
interesting development for her moving forward.
