When the film's biggest gag features a pair of rhinos having sex then you
know you're in for a tough sit. It's been noted many times before that Sandler
has settled into a comfortable groove of making what are essentially paid
vacations with his buddies, and Blended
is no different except its set in Africa. Africa, the exotic locale best known
for its fu**ing rhinos and dancing natives. Although neither of these things is
funny in the least, despite Sandler and director Frank Coraci's insistence, the
real problem is they always come right after a moment we're meant to take
seriously. Heaven forbid there is one honest emotion, other than the seething anger you'll feel having wasted two excruciating hours on Blended. That's right, Sandler doesn't even have the decency to chop this thing down to 90 minutes.
To further pound home just how low-rent an experience this is going to be,
the story kicks off at a Hooters restaurant, where widower Jim (Sandler) is on
a horrendous blind date with the divorced Lauren (Barrymore). Jim's the
father of three girls (one of whom played by Disney Channel starlet, Bella
Thorne) he's raising as boys, while she's got two wildly out of control sons.
Right off the bat you sense the easy connection between Sandler and Barrymore,
but the script, which calls for her to chug French Onion dip, doesn't give two
craps about their chemistry. 
Both parents are out of their league raising kids alone, and they both know
it. Jim's oldest daughter is blossoming into a woman and you can see the Tampax
joke coming from ten miles away; Lauren's eldest boy is crazy possessive and
hopes she'll get back together with her douchey ex-husband (Joel McHale). A
maddeningly contrived circumstance forces both families into the same African
resort where the kids can squabble and the parents can continue their mutual
hatred of one another.
The hatred only lasts until they need to fall in love or something. Don't
get mad at me for spoiling what you already knew was coming. The problem is in
how they get there, with a series of useless toilet gags in the middle of what
is clearly trying to be a family comedy. But that's Sandler for you; to him a
joke about masturbation and rhinos having sex is right at home in a
heartwarming family film. Only when Barrymore and Sandler share the screen are
we treated to genuinely sweet moments when the parents let their guards down
and have a good time. Sandler can be a charming romantic lead when given the
opportunity, and once in a while we see Barrymore drawing that side of him out,
only to have it go away in favor of the overgrown moron. Sandler gives his
usual buddies a free IMDB credit with mostly pointless cameos. The only one who
seems enthusiastic about it is Shaquile O'Neal, acting just as well today as he
did in Kazaam
all those years ago. What silly fun there is does not include Terry
Crews as the annoying leader of a singer troupe that pops up in practically
every scene to semi-narrate the story, because Blended is just so
complicated y'know. It's funny at first, in an Eddie Murphy "Sexual
Chocolate" sort of way, but by the 10th time you just want him to be
trampled by stampeding buffalo.The major takeaway from Blended is that Sandler and Barrymore desperately need one another, but they need a decent script far more.
