Ah, here we are. The final home stretch. The last two
hours of True Blood ever begin with the penultimate episode “Love is to Die,”
in which … well, just a few things happened. Really only two things. But one of
those things, the reunion of Jessica and Hoyt, was kind of great! It’s
something I’ve been waiting for since they sent Hoyt off to Alaska! And now we
have it. AND I AM FINE WITH IT.
Oh, and the other thing that happened? Sookie Stackhouse
is in danger again. YAWN. No surprises there, I guess. Because why give Sookie
any peace? WHY DO THAT.
So let’s talk about the five craziest things that
happened in “Love is to Die.” Let’s treasure this time together with the
terribleness of True Blood, since we have so little left (thank God).
+ “It
was a void, a black void. Sookie had given birth to death. That’s what we are,
Eric. That’s all we can give her.” In the “Eric and
Bill continue to decide Sookie’s life for her” parade, Bill decides he doesn’t
want to take the cure available in Sarah Newlin’s – excuse me, Noomi’s – blood,
and then he doesn’t explain himself to Sookie and Jessica, and this is supposed
to have emotional urgency, but it doesn’t. Because CLEARLY Bill is just being a
selfish asshole hiding behind the guise of “fate,” which Sookie and Jessica
both call bullshit on: “Fuck you, Bill.”
Bill does
explain himself to Eric, though, because MEN and PATRIARCHY. The explanation is
largely crap, but the general gist is that Bill is basically saving Sookie from herself by freeing
her of his influence, because she just CAN’T STOP loving him. And that’s
unfair! So it’s really romantic of Bill to off himself and save her. You know, like how in Twilight Edward decided to just
give himself up to those Roman vampires because it would be better for Bella –
who cares what Bella actually thought! Literally, Eric says to Bill of Sookie, “This
is not what she wants,” but Bill’s reply is, “It’s what she needs.” Let’s
decide everything for Sookie! Who needs female agency, am I right?
Anyway, Eric tells Sookie all this, she’s sad, but Bill
still wants to call on her one last time. So he knocks on her door ... and I’m
so happy this shit will be over in one week.
+ “Where
does Miss Stackhouse live?” Other people interested in
calling on Sookie: Mr. Gus Jr., who is furious that someone else now knows
about Sarah Newlin and the Tru Blood plan to synthesize her blood. I don’t
understand why Mr. Gus Jr. thinks that Sookie would care, though? No one gives
any fucks about saving Noomi’s life, so … yet again … this storyline seems
stupid.
But I guess it’s leading up to a major fight between Bill
and Eric vs. the Yakuza to save Sookie (yawn), which just seems horrendously
anticlimactic at this point. You know why? Because ERIC IS 1,000 YEARS OLD. HE
COULD MASSACRE ALL THE YAKUZA IN HIS SLEEP (as we saw only a few weeks ago,
during that fight at the Republican fundraiser). Why is he even allowing them
to fuck around with him, or take Pam hostage? You should have known better,
Eric.
+ “Hoyt
and Jessica belong together.” You know, Jason, I agree!
Hoyt was my favorite character on this show before they sent him off to Alaska,
and as melodramatic and faux-romantic as it is, I really love him and Jessica
getting back together. Now, tracing Jessica’s sexual decisions this season
ALONE are absurd: first she’s with James, then she’s fucking Jason, and now she
realizes that Hoyt is the only man she can be with? I mean, that, coupled with
grieving for Bill, has made Jessica defined entirely by her relationships with
men this season. But for all those flaws, Deborah Ann Woll and Jim Parrack have
SUCH chemistry together, and Hoyt is PRETTY HOT, YOU GUYS, and together they
just work. I was feeling it, even if the line “I want you to tell me the story
of us” was pretty much straight from a Nicholas Sparks novel. I mean, really.
But why, in getting Hoyt and Jessica back together, did
that necessitate Bridget and Jason also getting together? Because Jason’s
behavior when he first saw Bridget on Hoyt’s arm: gross. And Bridget’s behavior
when she spent the night at Jason’s: unbelievable! She doesn’t know this man!
She doesn’t know anything about Hoyt’s and Jason’s friendship! How can she
judge Jason as a good guy after barely a few hours of knowing him? “There’s
nothing inside of you that’s missing; everything that a man is supposed to be,
it’s already in there. I promise” – MAYBE DON’T PROMISE, BRIDGET, SINCE YOU
JUST MET THIS GUY AND YOU JUST SAW HIM HOLDING AN ICE PACK TO HIS JUNK.
I am fine with Jason having some self-awareness, and
becoming more knowledgeable about himself and his behavior. So in that way,
fine, pour your heart out to Bridget or whatever. But again, the clear
suggestion that Jason and Bridget are now going to be together – I could have
lived without that.
+ “I
would like to make it up to you by fucking you.” Does
anything else even need to be said about the Eric and Ginger sex scene, except
for that I have never laughed harder at anything True Blood has ever done? Also, the choice of Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You” as the background music - so perfect.
+ “Dearest
Sookie, if you’re reading this letter, then you’ve probably already figured out
that I’m gone.” Sam leaves town to go to Chicago with
Nicole and his unborn child. Bye forever, you utterly useless character.
GOODBYE. FOR. EVER.
+ And
some final thoughts:
+ Andy didn’t get much screentime this episode, but I
loved his reaction to Sam’s letter: “Dear Sheriff Bellefleur, I resign. Sincerely,
Sam Merlotte.”
+ I totally understood why Jessica would ask to be
released by Bill, and although everything else he did in this episode sucked, I
enjoyed his speech in response to her: “I am so proud of the vampire you’ve
become, and I know you will stand out there on your own two feet just
beautifully when I am gone. I renounce the ties of our blood and my dominion
over you as my progeny. As your maker, Jessica, I release you.”
+ “Get over yourself, Bill.” Eric Northman has never said
truer words.
+ “I care about a small handful of people in this world. A
few vampires, and you.” So we can’t get even ONE final sex scene between Eric
and Sookie? Not fair, True Blood writers.
+ So when Jessica tells Sookie, “It’s safe, you can come
out,” when they’re going to Sam’s, is that because Hep-V vampires are still
roaming around? Are they actually still a threat? WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS
STORYLINE?
+ A small gripe: So both Wade and Sookie don’t like dirty
rice? DIRTY RICE IS DELICIOUS. Clearly they are both insane.
+ Sadly, there’s very little Pam in this episode, but I
did like her snide, “Yeah, ‘whorehouse’ they understand, of course,” while
trapped with the Yakuza. Also wouldn’t you think the Yakuza would have enough
money to provide escorts to wherever their men were, instead of forcing them to
hit up whorehouses? I don’t know, just a thought.
