There's more than enough
incompetence to go around when it comes to Fun Size, a painfully unfunny
teen comedy that attempts to meld the costumes and hijinks inherent in the
Halloween season with some Adventures in Babysitting-style fun.
Nickelodeon gave it their stamp of approval, widely touting the presence of
their Zoey 101 and Victorious star Victoria Justice, knowing
that parents would feel comfortable in bringing their kids to see the small
screen heroine in what should have been an inoffensive family-friendly
diversion, but what they actually get are jokes about boobs, chickens molesting
motor vehicles, and a bunch of teens indulging in frosty beverages in plastic
cups. Oops.
Clearly blinded by dollar signs in their cold unfeeling eyes, Nickelodeon threw further confusion into the mix with the hire of Gossip Girl and The O.C. creator Josh Schwartz in his directorial debut. Wading in the same tweeny-bopper swamp he's grown accustomed to, you'd think he'd at least be comfortable bringing wild teenaged escapades to the big screen, but he seems utterly unfit for the job, and fans of his work would probably be best advised to stay far away.
Justice plays beautiful but nerdy
bookworm Wren, who decided to cut loose for once and spend her Halloween chasing
after the token hot guy. Her plan of dressing up as Ruth Bader Ginsberg
scuttled by her selfish best friend April (Jane Levy) but endorsed by her
equally nerdy bud Roosevelt (Project X's Thomas Mann), she decides to
attend the hunk's planned holiday bash. Of course nothing goes as planned, and
when her desperate cougar of a mom (Chelsea Handler) skips out to be with her
young boytoy, Wren is left to babysit her precocious and rebellious younger
brother, Albert (Jackson Nicoll). She promptly loses him, and the rest of the
night's wacky adventures mostly revolve around finding the little brat.
"Mostly" because it's
astonishing how little anyone seems to care that he's gone. Wren is alternately
distraught over his disappearance and uncaring as she embarks on a number of
idiotic side quests, including an extended visit to the Halloween bash where
she seems to completely forget her brother may wind up on a milk carton.
Meanwhile, Albert is in the midst of his own chaotic journey, and to be fair
the film does get the most laughs out of the weirdness that surrounds him.
Crammed into an ill-fitting Spider-Man costume and armed with candy and
fireworks, he becomes fast friends with a lonely shop clerk named Fuzzy.
Fuzzy's ex-girlfriend left him for an MMA freak (Johnny Knoxville) who doesn't
mind stealing a kid's candy or taking people hostage, for that matter. Albert
and Fuzzy take on the night like an oddball Butch Cassidy and Sundance, pulling
juvenile pranks (flaming dog poo!) and running afoul of authority.
The utterly lifeless cast labors
through an uneven script that lacks any real comedic punch and even less
intelligence. A desperate attempt to tug at our heartstrings emerges late in
the film to try and win us over, but it comes way too late, and can't overcome
the disturbing lack of concern these characters displayed throughout. Justice
shows an incredible lack of personality, while Levy (who will lead the upcoming
Evil Dead remake) is one of the few bright
spots as her snarky friend who just wants to have some fun while elevating
their social status. Familiar characters to be sure, and little attempt is made
at originality. Chelsea Handler looks bored and confused as to why she's there,
and after scoring a teen party hit with Project X earlier this year,
Thomas Mann is given absolutely nothing to do but play the friend with an
unrequited crush.
So who exactly is Fun Size
for if it doesn't appeal to kids, teens, or adults? That's a good question. The
simple answer is "Nobody". Halloween teen comedies should be an
easy slam dunk, but Fun Size is definitely more trick than treat.
