“You raped her. You murdered her. You killed her
children.”
And so into the night goes the Red Viper, Oberyn Martell,
my favorite character in Game of Thrones and the biggest badass there ever was
(certainly in this season, and I would argue overall in the entire George R.R.
Martin universe, too). I have been dreading this moment ever since we were
introduced to the reckless, ruthless Oberyn, and I’m still not over it. Not
only because it was exceptionally graphic—SO GRAPHIC, I CANNOT STOP SEEING THAT
IMAGE IN MY MIND—but because Oberyn’s death opens the door into Dorne next
season, and I’m not sure I’m ready yet. I mean, I may be TOO EXCITED. The
Martells are my favorite characters and Dorne is my favorite place, and I’m
just hoping that Benioff and Weiss don’t find a way to screw this up. I’m
hoping.
Other than the Oberyn scene, this episode seemed like
business as usual—but each storyline (finally!) had some significant shifts.
The Night’s Watch is still preparing for the wildlings, as they have been doing
for forever, but now Mance and Co. are finally at their door, and they must act.
The Hound and the Arya have developed a kind of cynical rapport, but now they
are finally at the door of the Eyrie, and they learn that Lysa Arryn is
dead—meaning their entire journey was worthless. The Boltons have been scheming
to acquire Winterfell for so long, and now with Theon finally acting as Reek,
they have it—and the entire North in their clutches. And Sansa and Petyr keep
lying, but finally tell some truth as well, revealing who Sansa really is … but
not the details of how Lysa took that trip through the Moon Door. Every storyline
that felt like it was treading water for a while is finally moving forward, and
the two episodes left in the season can’t be anything but action-packed.
But am I still pouring one out for Oberyn? All day, every
day, guys. Let’s talk about that scene and everything else in the five things
you need to know about “The Mountain and the Viper.” And, as always, SOME
SPOILERS ahead.
+ “You haven’t
confessed. Who gave you the order? Say her name!” Oh, Oberyn. His
recklessness had to come to an end someday, and we see the thing we loved most
about the Red Viper—his unpredictableness, his spontaneity—be his death knell
in the duel against the Mountain. Because when he had speared the Mountain
through the chest, the duel was theoretically over—but death wasn’t the only
thing Oberyn wanted. He wanted justice. And as Tyrion told him the last episode, if he wanted justice, he’s “come to the wrong place.” King’s Landing
is not the place where wrongs are righted. The place just creates more wrongs.
And so we see the Red Viper fall against the Mountain,
the same man who raped and murdered his sister Elia during Robert’s Rebellion
and killed her children with Prince Rhaegar, the son of the Mad King Aerys (if
you recall, Robert Baratheon killed Rhaegar and Jaime killed Aerys, earning
himself the nickname “Kingslayer”). If you thought Dorne was pissed off then,
imagine how pissed off they are going to be now—a princess and a prince have
perished at the Mountain’s hand, somewhat on Tywin Lannister’s orders. And remember
House Martell’s words: “Unbowed. Unbent. Unbroken.” They are not going to
forget.
Oh, right, and since Oberyn lost, Tyrion is now sentenced
to death. Love this reaction shot from Tyrion …
And the reaction shot here, with the rest of the
Lannisters and their allies: Maester Pycelle looks like he’s taking a nap;
Cersei is throwing around her queen bitch smug smile like she doesn’t have any worries
in the world; Tywin is basically thinking, “Great, this is finally over, I have
bigger problems to worry about”; Mace Tyrell is terrified (unsurprising, he’s
so wimpy and useless); and Jaime is working a straight “Oh, fuck, my brother is
going to die” grimace. It’s all pretty on point, I’d say.
+ “Don’t ever
presume to touch me again or speak my name. Go. Now.” Remember a few episodes ago, when I was concerned that the mention during the Small Council meeting that Jorah was spying on Dany for Robert Baratheon would go unmentioned
ever again? Thankfully I was wrong, because peace out, Jorah Mormont, your ass
has been exiled!
For a while now, Dany has been seemingly getting softer
in her rule: She let Hizdahr sweet-talk her into removing the masters she had hammered up and giving them proper burials, and while holding court, she has
tried to be fair in her decisions (even if she can’t be bothered when Drogon eats some sheep like he doesn’t give a fuck). But in this scene we had a
reminder that Dany is, in fact, blood of the dragon, and that some things are
unforgivable. As much as Jorah may have fallen in love with her (dream on,
buddy), ultimately Dany is right that he “betrayed me from the first,” and that
everything he shared with Robert—when she was married to Khal Drogo, when her
brother Viserys died, when she was pregnant with Drogo’s child—put her in
danger. Yes, he may be in love with her now, but that doesn’t absolve what he
did then. It never could. And so Ser Grandfather Barristan Selmy is right: “You’ll
never be alone with her again.”
With the removal of Jorah and Daario off in Yunkai, Dany’s
inner circle shrinks even further: Now she basically only has Ser Grandfather,
translator Missandei, and Unsullied leader Grey Worm, and there seems to be a
love connection developing between the latter two—well, as much as there can be
for a castrated man. I’m of two minds about this: Ultimately I think a romance
between Missandei and Grey Worm is unnecessary, and I especially find it
ridiculous that Missandei would not only get over being peeped on by Grey Worm,
but then THANK HIM FOR IT and basically like it. What kind of fucked up sense
of female behavior is that? It shouldn’t surprise you that episode director Alex Graves also helmed this season’s Jaime/Cersei “we swear it wasn’t rape because we’re idiots” scene, and clearly he doesn’t understand how women actually react to threatening sexual
situations. Dumbass.
At the same time, though, if the romance between Grey
Worm and Missandei gives us more time with those characters, I’m down with it.
Because Grey Worm wearily answering, “I remember nothing. Only Unsullied”
breaks my heart in a million little pieces, and I love him wholeheartedly. So
there’s that.
+ “Remember what
you are and what you’re not.” The questions about identity and who we
choose to be continue with the Theon storyline this episode, as he becomes Reek
for an audience for the first time. For weeks now we’ve seen him be Reek to his
tormentor Ramsay Snow and his father Roose Bolton, and he clung to the Reek identity
when his sister Yara showed up because the brainwashing has made him terrified
for his safety. But for the first time we see Reek go public, as it were, with
Theon pretending to be Reek pretending to be Theon as he enters the Iron
Islands-held Moat Cailin on Ramsay’s orders. Some of the dialogue in the
exchange between Theon/Reek and the Iron Islands’ leader as they discussed
Ramsay Snow’s demanded surrender was too on-the-nose for me, especially the
lines “Only a whipped dog would speak this way, or a woman. Are you a woman,
boy? The Ironborn will not surrender. You go tell your master that, Theon Greyjoy,
or whoever the fuck you are.” We get it, Theon/Reek acts like Ramsay’s pet and
has been castrated and doesn’t really know who he is anymore!
But still, that cut to the flayed Ironborn man,
immediately after they surrendered to Theon, was effective. Theon did tell them
“He will be just and fair with you, as he’s been with me,” and as soon as he
said that, we should have known the Ironborn were not long for this world.
Ramsay Snow does not keep around people that he has no use for.
And that kind of cruelty is what gets Ramsay brought into
the Bolton fold, as his father Roose legitimizes him. Now that Roose is Warden
of the North—which is larger than the other six kingdoms combined, he notes—the
Boltons get to move into Winterfell, and they get what they’ve lusted after for
years now. And when Ramsay says, “I will be worthy of you, Father, I promise,”
you know there’s more deceitful, terrible shit on the way. That’s just who the
Boltons are—they may force Theon to change into Reek, but they would never
change themselves.
+ “I know what you
want.” Oh, Sansa Stark. If there was anything that Petyr Baelish wanted, it
was this—Sansa lying for him, Sansa colluding with him, Sansa playing with him.
He is fucking eating it up, and I can’t help but worry.
Worry because this storyline is taking a major shift from
the books! Up through “A Dance with Dragons,” the fifth and most recently
published of GRRM’s books in this series, Sansa is still pretending to be
Alayne, Petyr’s bastard daughter; as he travels around the Vale trying to unite
dissenting noble houses under his rule, Alayne stays behind and takes care of
Robin, who in the books is a few years younger and has epilepsy. Nobody knows
that Alayne is Sansa, but she’s learning manipulation and deceit from Petyr on
the regular—as he sneaks kisses from her every now and then and continues to
have her call him “Father.” It’s all very creepy, honestly.
But a lot of that storyline seems jettisoned now that Sansa
has revealed herself to Lord Royce, one of the most important noblemen in the
Vale, and they’ve sworn to protect her from the Lannisters. And Petyr and Sansa
are also traveling away from the Eyrie with Robin, I think, which is another
major change—although Sansa’s hair did look darker in that final picture, so
maybe they are following the book route and having her dye her hair and still
pretend to be Alayne around other people? I honestly have no idea, but Sansa’s
two truths and a lie—admit to being a Stark and admit that Littlefinger
smuggled her out of King’s Landing, but lie about the exact nature of Lysa’s
death and pretend that it was suicide, not murder at Petyr’s hands—puts her
firmly on Baelish’s side.
And given his smug, lustful look when Sansa descends
those stairs, bathed in light, looking so much like Catelyn in a
cleavage-baring dress? Yeah, Littlefinger has no problems with that.
But in yet another almost-but-not-really Stark reunion,
the Hound (who is still suffering from that bite he received last episode) and
Arya are stuck all the way down at the Bloody Gate, where they learn that
Lysa Arryn is dead—and that their hopes of having Arya ransomed by her aunt are
gone. That desperate, uncontrollable laughter from Arya when they learn that
Lysa died three days ago, and that this entire journey has been for nothing?
That shit will haunt my dreams.
+ “Whoever dies
last, be a good lad, and burn the rest of us. Once I’m done with this world, I
don’t want to come back.” Oh, Dolorous Edd, I feel you—with 100,000
wildlings knocking on the door of the 102-member-strong Night’s Watch, it
surely seems like getting killed and then coming back as a wight is a
realistic, terrifying possibility. And that wildling raid on Mole’s Town was
very brutal indeed, with the Thenns, Tormund, and Ygritte all methodically,
effortlessly slaughtering everyone in their path.
But Ygritte has a heart; we see it when she stays her
hand against Gilly and her son, and I agree with Sam’s friends that he’s
probably worrying about nothing. Mance Rayder’s advancing army? That’s what Sam
and Jon Snow need to worry about. “If they hit Mole’s Town, we’re next”—better
start preparing, guys.
And here, some
final thoughts:
+ Let’s look at some of the Red Viper’s final lines this
episode, shall we? “I always drink before a fight”; “I am going to kill that”; and
“Today is not the day I die.” Too bad the final line turned out to be so
summarily untrue.
+ Ellaria Sand’s scream as she sees Oberyn’s head explode
in front of her: I will never forget that sound. Or her extremely depressing
urging to Oberyn before the fight: “Don’t leave me alone in this world.” Sigh.
+ A moment of levity from Jaime Lannister: “Who gives a
dusty fuck about a bunch of beetles?” Way to keep it all in perspective.
+ If you’re curious about “the pillar and the stones,”
then here’s the down-low on the Unsullied from GRRM’s books: Yes, everything is
removed. They are incapable of sexual desire. In the show, though, romantic
love is clearly being written as a possibility, given Grey Worm and his
feelings for Missandei.
+ “Traditions are important. Where would be without our
history?” Oh, Ramsay. What if the Boltons’ history was adopting puppies instead
of flaying men? Would you be as into it?
+ As much as Littlefinger clearly did Lysa wrong, I do
agree with his analysis of her: “She was always prone to melancholy. My lady
wasn’t meant for a world as brutal as ours.” It’s only that she was so
melancholy because of Littlefinger,
which he clearly leaves out.
+ And here’s some motivational speaking from Petyr to
tide you over until next week: “Everybody dies sooner or later. Don’t worry
about your death. Worry about your life. Take charge of your life, as long as
it lasts.” Wonder how long he’ll actually serve as a father figure for Robin,
or if he plans to have him killed during their tour of the Vale. That would certainly
be a change.
