Well! Benioff and Weiss are just flying through G.R.R.M.’s
novels, aren’t they? With the third episode of this season, “High Sparrow,”
they jettison a few characters forward – Tyrion, in particular, sees two entire
books’ worth of storylines disappear by the end of this episode – and then
pivot others into entirely new directions, like the engagement between Sansa
Stark and Ramsay Bolton. As a book reader, I have no idea what the hell is
happening! And that’s both a good thing and a bad thing.
The good: Some of G.R.R.M.’s subplots were meanderingly
tedious, like Tyrion – spoiler alert, I guess, but not really because it
doesn’t seem like any of this will matter – being sold into slavery and saddled
with a young girl sidekick, Penny, who is also a dwarf and who keeps annoying
Tyrion with her infuriatingly naive personality. I cannot lie; I am so
uproariously happy that she will not be on the show. But the bad: In having Tyrion
part on good terms with Jaime on the show, whereas in the book he and Jaime
have a major falling out after his older brother sets him free, Tyrion’s
isolation isn’t really complete. Yes, Cersei has a price on his head, but
Tyrion and Jaime always had a strong bond, and he certainly has that to fall
back on. He’s not really a broken man – he’s not fully devolved into
desperation yet. Maybe that will come next week, now that Jorah Mormont has
Tyrion in his grasp, and I’ll admit that I’m intrigued. But I was kind of
looking forward to even-more despondent, cynical Tyrion, and I’m disappointed
we’ve been somewhat denied that.
Anyway! On to other matters. Let’s dive into “High Sparrow,”
shall we? Three, two, one, go!
+ “How is it that no
one came to be surrounded by Arya Stark’s things?” Jaqen’s mentorship of
Arya continues this week at the House of Black and White in Braavos, but it
entails him chipping away at the very things that construct her identity. She’s
dutifully sweeping the floor, and she’s paying attention to how Jaqen helps end
the suffering of those who visit the House of Black and White by aiding in
their deaths, and she’s observing all the different religious iconography throughout
the temple and learning what they mean for the people of the Seven Kingdoms,
but this isn’t why Arya came here. Arya came here to learn how to exact her
revenge against those who have wronged her family, but patience is required,
Jaqen reminds her: “A girl wants to serve herself. Here, we serve the Many-Faced
God … a girl must become no one.”
And so, in a half-heartbreaking, half-empowering moment,
Arya throws away all of her possessions into the waters running through Braavos
– all except one. Her sword Needle, her gift from Jon Snow all those years ago,
she holds onto, hiding it underneath a cluster of rocks, because some things
about Arya Stark just won’t disappear. So now in the garb of the House of Black
and White, Arya helps the waif, another trainee, strip down the bodies of those
who die in the temple, undressing and washing them.
And, in the books, they do something else, too: harvest the
faces of the dead to use in their own work as Faceless Men. Because all those
different faces had to come from somewhere – and dead men tell no tales.
+ “We must do
everything necessary to protect one another.” Cersei gains enemies and
allies this week, as Tommen and Margaery finally get married, officially making
her the queen, and we spend significant time with the High Sparrow, the leader
of the religious devotees flooding King’s Landing. Let’s start with the wedding
first, which is a low-key affair in comparison with Margaery’s previous wedding
with Joffrey, but at least she and Tommen get to doing it, which didn’t happen
with Joffrey since, you know, he was poisoned instead. Good riddance, thought
everyone, and apparently Tommen did, too: He admits to Margaery post-coitus,
“I’m the king, and I’ve married the most beautiful woman in the world, and it’s
all because my brother died. I don’t feel guilty. That’s what’s odd.” Margaery
doesn’t mind Tommen’s kindness, of course, since it makes her manipulation of
him that much easier – she already starts buzzing in his ear that Cersei should
return to Casterly Rock, and lo and behold, Tommen is immediately suggesting that
to his mother. Good luck getting out of her grasp, buddy.
Of course, Cersei isn’t going anywhere, especially not after
the current High Septon is caught in one of Littlefinger’s brothels, having sex
with two women in a decidedly blasphemous faux-religious ritual. Caught by
Lancel – “You have profaned our faith, the faith of our fathers and
forefathers. You are a sinner, and you shall be punished” – and forced to do a
naked walk of shame throughout the streets, the High Septon eventually gets
thrown in the dungeons by Cersei, who thinks that befriending the High Sparrow
is the better political move. She’s intrigued by him helping the dirty, sick,
and starving in the streets of King’s Landing, handing out food while dressed
in rags and without shoes, and she seems to very much like his “We’re often
stuck with the names our enemies give to us” – never forget how much Cersei
feels like she’s been wronged her whole life.
But shouldn’t Cersei be worried about the High Sparrow’s
proclamation that “Hypocrisy is a boil. Lancing a boil is never pleasant”? If
she were smart, she would understand that as an implicit threat. She thinks she
has the High Sparrow on her side now, but I wouldn’t be so sure about that –
especially not with everything Lancel knows about her.
+ “You’ve been
running all your life. Stop running. There’s no justice in the world. Not
unless we make it. You loved your family. Avenge them.” Man, Littlefinger
is one tricksy motherfucker, isn’t he? He ruins Sansa Stark’s life, engineers
the entire downfall of the Stark family, and yet he’s not only taking Sansa
under his wing and grooming her to be his faux daughter, he’s also marrying her
off to the family that murdered her mother and older brother, and supported the
murder of her two younger brothers. His balls must be the size of mountains, that
Petyr. God. Damn.
So yeah, the Alayne storyline from the books is totally gone
– Sansa Stark is here to stay! And she’s also here to return to Winterfell to marry
Ramsay Bolton, in yet another twisty-turny move from the mind of the Lord
Protector of the Vale. Petyr is
presenting this as a Sansa-gets-empowered moment – and it is certainly
undeniable that she has blossomed during their time together, becoming more
opinionated, more calculating, more intentional – but we’ll see if she’s up to
dealing with the Boltons. That moment before she curtsies to Roose Bolton? That
staredown between them was electric! But there are so many unknowns here: How
Ramsay will behave, how his crazy lover will behave (notice her angry glare
toward Sansa), how Theon will behave (poor, traumatized, broken Theon), and how
all the servants of Winterfell will behave. Anyone else get goosebumps when
that maid told Sansa, “Welcome home, Lady Stark. The North remembers”? IT COULD
NOT HAVE BEEN JUST ME.
Oh, and what’s in this for Littlefinger? According to his
chats with Roose Bolton, they’re trying to bring the Lannisters down together:
“The Lannister name doesn’t mean what it once did,” they note. But as Petyr
also points out, “every ambitious move is a gamble.” Will this gamble actually
pay off? Or is Sansa just in for more hurt?
+ “My place is here.”
Jon Snow’s storyline moves along tidily this week, and we continue burning
through the content of the original novels at a steady pace. The gist is this:
Jon refuses Stannis’s offer to be legitimized as Jon Stark, and being Lord
Commander now serves as a reasonable justification for his refusal. But in
reality, Jon is in the same place as Arya is all the way in Braavos: He’s not sure
of how much of his Stark identity he wants to hold onto, and he has more
pressing concerns now, anyway: keeping both the wildlings and Stannis’s army
fed as winter approaches, so they don’t die and turn into undead wights that
will then attack them.
How can he do that and effectively lead when people like
Janos Slynt, the BFF of Jon’s main rival, Alliser Thorne, are scheming against
him at every turn? Well, he takes Stannis and Davos’s advice: keeping your
enemies close doesn’t always work out. And when Janos refuses Jon’s order to go
man Greyguard, one of the long-abandoned castles along the Wall, the only
choice is to execute him – making him both an example and removing him as a
threat. “I’m afraid, I’ve always been afraid,” Janos begs, but that’s not
enough for Jon. Jon kills him anyway, just like his father Ned Stark taught him
way back in the first season: “The man who passes the sentence should swing the
sword.” What other Stark things will Jon remember while at the Wall, decidedly
remaining a Snow? Only time will tell.
+ “I’m taking you to
the queen.” Let’s end with Tyrion, who ends up in Volantis with Varys,
where slavery is still in full swing: “tears for whores, lest they forget,”
notes Tyrion of the sex slaves, but that doesn’t keep him from suggesting
“let’s find a brothel” after he is unnerved by the R’hllor priestess preaching
about how “the night is dark and full of terrors.”
It’s in the brothel where they see that Khaleesi mania has
reached critical mass: Whores styling themselves in her fashion, with her
outfits and her hair, are more popular than others at the brothel (“You like
her, they all like her, they all want to fuck a queen,” pouts another
prostitute), and guess who is lusting after one girl who looks particularly
like our favorite Queen of Dragons? The one and only Jorah Mormont, dismissed
from Khaleesi’s service for spying on her for Varys, who notices Tyrion and grabs
him when he leaves the brothel for a bathroom break.
So many questions here! Which queen is Jorah taking Tyrion
to? Will Varys catch up with them? Will Tyrion ever get his sex drive back? At
least he hasn’t lost his wit: “I hope it passes,” he says of his disinterest in
sex. “What will I do in my spare time?” Hopefully not get delivered to Cersei
by Jorah, I’d say.
And a few final thoughts:
+ “Someone who inspires priests and whores is worth taking
seriously.” Yeah, I’d say Dany’s popularity is wider than anyone in the Seven
Kingdoms could have anticipated – when will they finally start taking her
seriously as a threat?
+ “How do you fight a shadow?” A great question from Brienne
and Pod this week, after the former spills out some more of her life story to
the latter as they continue trailing Sansa and Petyr to Winterfell. That
monologue from Gwendoline Christie was some powerful stuff, as she describes a
particularly painful adolescent moment and what drew her to Renly Baratheon all
those years ago. Here, have the whole speech (which was excerpted in the
trailers for this season, if some of this sounds familiar to you):
“‘Brienne the Beauty’ they
called me – great joke. I realized I was the ugliest girl alive, a great
lumbering beast. I tried to run away, but Renly Baratheon took me in his arms.
‘Don’t let them see your tears,’ he told me. ‘They’re nasty little shits, and
nasty little shits aren’t worth crying over.’ He danced with me and none of the
other boys could say a word – he was the king’s brother, after all. He saved me
from being a joke, that day until his last day. Nothing is more hateful than
failing to protect the one you love. One day I will avenge King Renly.”
(Although, book readers will note that this isn’t the whole
story – unless the show decides to scrub that awful bet from Brienne’s
backstory, which I think would be a stupid move. It’s so important to who she
is! And how Jaime understands her! And how they understand each other! Ughh,
grumble, blergh.)
+ “I didn’t come here to sweep floors!” Pertinent Arya Stark
is the best kind of Arya Stark. Well, aside from the murderous kind.
+ “This is all I want to do all day, every day, for the rest
of my life.” Yeah, Tommen, we get it – you’re a sex-crazed teenager. Don’t
forget that the show has aged Tommen up considerably – in the books, he’s only
about 8 years old when he marries Margaery, and all they do is play with
kittens together because they can’t consummate the marriage yet. That was a
major plot point in the books, so I wonder how that will be handled – if at all
– in the show moving forward this season.
+ “I wish we had some wine for you. It’s a bit early in the
day for us.” BLESS YOUR CATTY HEART, MARGAERY TYRELL.
+ To be fair, Cersei gets in her digs against Margaery, too,
and they’re also pretty good: “She’s certainly very pretty, isn’t she? Like a
doll. … She thinks she’s intelligent? I can’t quite tell. Not that it matters.”
+ QYBURN SHUSHING THE REANIMATED DEAD BODY IN HIS DUNGEON
LABORATORY!!! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. WHO HAS A GIF OF THAT? I NEED A
GIF OF THAT IMMEDIATELY.
+ “So you were … administering to the needs of these devout
prostitutes?” Bye, High Septon. Bye.
+ “I sent you there to collect taxes, not bodies.” Ramsay is
a monster, but Roose is a weirdly practical dad, right? I mean, they’re both
terrible. But sometimes Roose amuses me with his excessive pragmatism. He’s
like a nightmare version of Stannis Baratheon.
+ “You can stick your order up your bastard ass.” Soo
original, Janos. Don’t rest in peace, bro.
