Well step right up! Have we got a deal for you! One broke down old clunker of a comedy featuring a set of used parts and constructed out of the finest B-grade materials money can buy! Check out the worn out leather interior covered with the jaggy edges of inattention and denial. We've spared no expense to make sure that all of this vehicles "working parts" have been misplaced and utilized in an inappropriate fashion to ensure maximum dissatisfaction with the end product. This vehicle's real star however, it's driving force is the high end engine shipped straight over from Hollywood, CA. This horse is starting to wear a little thin on the front end, promising you many hours of sitting in your local mechanic's waiting room.
Ok, enough of the bad used car saleman schtick. If The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard was one of it's own vehicles it was trying to peddle, it'd be a raggedy old lemon with one side mirror, a faded pine tree air freshener hanging off the rear view, and tail pipe billowing clouds of murky black smoke. The Goods is a lazy comedy that feels like an excuse for Jeremy Piven to bring his Ari Gold character to the big screen. Piven plays smooth talkin' hot shot car salesman Don "The Goods" Ready, one notch below the greasy haired mustache twirling scheisters that most signify with used cars salesmen. Don and his crew of able bodied mercs have been hired to save a dying family car franchise by amping up sales for their big 4th of July weekend.
Don's crew consists of a wealth of wasted comedic talent: Ving Rhames is the burly but sensitive Jibby; Kathryn Hahn as the vulgar and oversexed Babs; and David Koechner as Brent. Realizing that the situation is bleak, they pull out all the stops, hiring a militant deejay played by Craig Robinson in one of the few bright spots.
Described producer Adam McKay as a "funny Glengarry Glen Ross", The Goods lacks two components necessary to make that allusion:
1. Consistent comedy. I assume by funny he meant that people are supposed to laugh. Not just the occasional chuckle. Hell, I can find a chuckle during Passion of the Christ, making me laugh isn't the issue. Making me laugh constantly is the goal for a comedy or so I thought.
2. Quality acting. Jeremy Piven's acting in this is horrendous. I get it, he's supposed to be cocky and cool, but does he have to try so hard to make that point? You don't have to cock your neck in the middle of every sentence like the Fonz. And don't even get me started on Jordana Spiro who plays the token love interest, Ivy. She's relatively attractive, but I find it hard to be turned on by any chick who's voice is reminiscent of the guy who narrates NFL Films. She portrays all the emotions of an ironing board and is twice as stiff. The film's brightest moments are when Will Ferrell pops in as Don's dead, disgruntled best friend Craig McDermott. Now in Heaven, Craig's holding a grudge over the way he died, a death that evokes memories of old Bugs Bunny cartoons it's so ridiculous and downright hilarious. I'm not Ferrell fan but I found myself sorely missing his presence once he left.
Perhaps my biggest problem with it is that it feels like a rushed, hatchet job of a movie full of random ideas thrown against the wall to see what sticks. Few actually do. I loved Kathryn Hahn's Babs character...when she wasn't hitting on a 10 year old boy. Funny? Not exactly. Creepy. Yes exactly. It seems like they took the idea for Used Cars, slapped together a cast of recognizable faces and said " to hell with it". Ed Helms, fresh from his turn in the far superior The Hangover, shows up as Ivy's douche fiance(aren't they always?) and competition in the used car game. He might as well not have shown up. Everybody's got a mortgage I guess.
The Goods is a prime example of what happens when phenomenal talent meets forgettable writing. Piven can now take his Ari act down a few notches and saunter on back to Entourage, and the rest of the cast can hopefully overcome this momentary blip on their record. With the cast The Goods sports some will find a few things to giggle at, but that's not enough reason for anyone to pay cash for this clunker.
5/10
