I'll say this for the Grim Reaper, or Death, or whatever he's called, at least he's not one of those passive aggressive spirits who rattles cutlery in your kitchen and slams closet doors. No, he takes a more active role in seeing his victims look as foolish as possible before they die in an even more embarrassing way. So while Death's targets are pretty much doomed from jump street, the Final Destination franchise continues to roll along with no signs of slowing down. The last film, which was supposed to be the big kiss off, was the highest grossing yet. And while that may be fine and dandy with Warner Brothers, for those who eagerly hope the filmmakers will do something a little bit different, success has killed off any hopes of that ever happening. For the most part.
What blows my mind most about Final Destination is that it started off as a legit horror with a unique concept. Very little has changed since, except somewhere along the way it's become a dark comedy. The plots are almost all exactly the same. A handful of pretty folks find themselves in the type of epic disaster that nightmares are made of. In this case it's a cable snapping bridge disaster, which swallows up and Ginsus the employees of a paper factory out on a team building trip. It's a bloody orgy of death, with the native 3-D used to tremendous power and effect. Yes, the 3-D is worth it for once. Of course this scene is merely a premonition, and in reality they all escape unharmed. This pisses Death off, and he comes seeking to finish everyone off in the order they were suppose to perish.
Death has a deliciously wicked sense of humor, staging the most elaborate of events to facilitate each character's demise. One of the drawbacks of the series taking a less serious approach is that the kills have become so absurd. Previous filmmakers have delighted in the quick, sudden kill that's supposed to shock the audience. As a result there's almost zero tension to be found. Thankfully, director Steven Quayle, knows how to wring every ounce of anxiety to maximum effect. A nearly ten minute long, nail biting slow burn to a literal neckbreaking kill is a piece of pure beauty. I was sweating bullets by the time the blood started flowing. Unfortunately it's all down hill from there.
I'm convinced that the exact same script was used in the last two films. Every story beat is exactly the same. You could say the same thing about other genre films, but with Final Destination it's far more egregious. It's obvious that the only thing that matters now is figuring out unique ways to have people die, and that's a shame because there's so much potential in the idea of Death having a grand design which he enacts with furious vengeance. The presence of morbid, dubious mortician William Bludworth(the pitch perfect Tony Todd) is the series' only connecting element, and a reminder of the story's wasted potential. In case you haven't noticed, nobody else in the cast has been mentioned. Once you see the movie for yourself you'll understand why. There's nothing of note that anybody does, other than get the ax. We remember these characters only for the way in which they die. Perhaps more than any other, Final Destination 5 is a movie solely for fans of the previous films. It'll appeal to fans of the over-the-top gore and clownish situations. Tony Todd himself has said there'll be more Final Destinations to come. I know. Get your groans in now. But here's the thing, the filmmakers this time have provided a reason for optimism. I won't spoil it, and only fans who've stuck around since the beginning will understand it, but maybe another Final Destination won't be such a bad thing?
Trav's Tip: If you're planning on getting Lasik eye surgery anytime soon, I suggest maybe waiting til this comes out on DVD. Just sayin'.
