Sublime, extravagant, visually stunning. All words to describe the films of Tarsem Singh, the cinematic auteur who never met a gaudy costume he didn't like, and has used them to awesome effect in The Cell and most recently in The Fall. Immortals is yet another showcase of Singh's dynamic talents, a film that many have easily compared to Zack Snyder's 300. The similarities are obvious, with bare chested gladiators in sweaty, bloody brawls hacking and slashing in slo-mo. The difference is that Snyder's visual gifts are rarely enough to elevate weak material, whereas Singh can take a chicken crap script and make the most gorgeous chicken salad you ever saw.
Basically, Immortals is a reworking of the story of Theseus(Henry Cavill), the demigod whose adventures are some of the most cherished in all of Greek mythology. He's the guy who kicked the crap out of the Minotaur, but here he's out chasing even bigger game. King Hyperion(Mickey Rourke) has a beef with the gods on Mount Olympus, vowing to destroy them all and wreak havoc on the world. To do it he must find the Epirius Bow, a magical weapon and the only thing which can free the gods' enemies, The Titans, from their prison deep in Mount Tartarus.
Why don't the gods just swoop down and stop the coming onslaught themselves? Because Zeus(Luke Evans) has sworn that the immortals will never directly interfere into the warlike affairs of man. Instead he counts on Theseus, who is completely unaware he's been blessed by the gods, to rally his people and defeat Hyperion once and for all. With the aid of Phaedra(Freida Pinto), a virgin oracle who's pretty quick to knock boots, and the brave thief Stavros(Stephen Dorff), Theseus must prove Zeus' faith in humanity is justified.Even with the gods adorned in some of the silliest outfits you'll ever see, such as poor Poseidon(Kellan Lutz) looking like he has a bra on his head, their shimmery golden aura also makes them unnaturally beautiful. The entire film, awash in Singh's vivid colors, is a wonder to behold. The story melts easily from scene to scene in the most eye catching ways: the mask of a warrior slowly shifts to reveal a sea faring vessel full of soldiers. Singh will never make a boring movie, no matter how hard he tries.
Much like 300, the battles are awesome in their goriness, but unlike Zack Snyder's overuse of speed ramping which made every fight repetitive, Singh's tactically applied use of slow motion keep the action fresh. When the gods brawl, they pull no punches. This is a brutal film, with eyes getting gouged, women being cooked alive, and Hyperion pulling a Misery on some guy's genitals. It's not pretty, but to turn away for even a moment is to miss another moment of this breath taking film.
If only there were a mute button. There's not an actor alive who can make this stilted dialogue work. Ok, except for Mickey Rourke, who has always been a ham when playing bad guys. He grumbles and slobbers through the dialogue with ease, while Cavill shows none of the promise that landed him the Superman gig. He looks the part, but lacks presence to play a hero whose words are meant to move men to fight and die. When the inevitable Braveheart speech comes, it's a totally unfeeling performance.
Of course it's not Singh's fault the writing is atrocious. His job is to make things pretty, and he may be the best in the business at doing exactly that. Movies set in the world of swords and sandals are notoriously hard to do right. Just look at Clash of the Titans and this summer's Conan the Barbarian, which were both disastrous and misguided. Immortals is a step above both of those, a visual spectacle that simply can't be ignored despite it's faults.
