Oh, what might have been. The Three Stooges has had a wild ride towards the silver screen, with many big names having been attached or approaching playing the iconic trio of morons from yesteryear. At one point, Sean Penn, Jim Carrey, and Benicio Del Toro were all but set to be a part of the Farrelly Brothers' film, but each saw the writing on the wall and ran for the hills. That's a trio that could make any piece of crap script at the very least workable, and any terrible movie watchable. Without them, though, The Three Stooges is a fail of epic proportions, and not even the most die hard aficionado is going to appreciate this level of damage done to their comedy heroes.
It's clear what the Farrellys were thinking, hoping that they could recapture the magic of Dumber and Dumber and slap a more recognizable name on it. Their Stooges, played by Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopolous, and Will Sasso, are just more violent versions of Harry and Lloyd. The major difference is in the substance of the characters, and while Dumb and Dumber wasn't exactly a tour de force, there was enough in it to sustain an entire full length feature. The Three Stooges, throughout their careers, have only done skits or shorts. Watching somebody get hit in the head with a mallet is great fun....for about five minutes. After about the tenth time of watching it you'll be ready to poke yourself in the eyes and shove lobsters down your own pants.
Cleverly structured like a series of Stooges episodes, the trio are literally thrown on the doorstep of an orphanage as babies, and pay attention closely because these are the only times where a decent laugh can be found and they have nothing to do with the three stars. Larry David and Jane Lynch make up two of the nuns at who run the place, and you haven't lived until you've seen the grouchy old Curb Your Enthusiasm star in a habit and hating life. Decades pass, yet nobody ages, and because there must be a plot that involves more than falling off of ladders, the Stooges must somehow secure $830,000 to save the orphanage from going under. Enter Sofia Vergara as a scandalous gold digger looking to off her husband for his money, and somehow those orange oompa loompas from the Jersey Shore show up, as well. Why? Because the film simply isn't stupid enough, the Farrellys must completely turn brains into mush.The occasional "Nyuk nyuk" does not a successful comedy make, and while the three stars may have the voices and mannerisms of the trio down pat, there isn't a hint of originality anywhere. Laughs are few, far between, and with the uncomfortable realization of watching a slow moving car wreck. A new low is reached as they wield newborn babies like weapons of mass urination in a hospital room. Does that sound like The Three Stooges? Not really. It's Farrelly Brothers humor, which is nothing like what Moe, Larry, and Curly perfected for so long. So not only is The Three Stooges terribly unfunny, but it has no clue what made them tick.
