Look, I'm going to hate the new 300 sequel, Rise of an Empire. There's no way around it. Given how much I really resented 300 and how over Frank Miller's insanely over-the-top conservative ideologies I am, and how stupid Rise of an Empire looks, I will not enjoy it. I will not! And, you know, the fact that I'm Iranian and we're only portrayed in these comics and movies as either a. sociopathic faux-demigods with weird homosexual overtones, b. freakish mutant whores, or c. faceless soldiers to be slaughtered doesn't really sit well with me.
The only thing that could make me give 300: Rise of an Empire any time of day is Eva Green, who I love and cherish forever. Goddamn, but she is beautiful, and is right up there in my life "Women I Want to Grow Up to Be" list (other notable members: Kate Winslet, Marion Cotillard, Sofia Coppola). And if you don't think Eva Green is lovely (maybe you haven't seen The Dreamers, Kingdom of Heaven, Casino Royale, The Golden Compass, or that terrible mini-series she was in, Camelot), then you're either stupid or blind. I guess the safest word to describe her would be "edgy," but she gives me an old-school Angelina Jolie vibe, of untouchable exotic beauty with a slight touch of intense crazy. And I'm perfectly fine with that.
Am I upset she has to take roles in crap like 300: Rise of an Empire? Of course. But she's playing one of my people, the famed female naval commander Artemisia, so I'll kind of let it slide. I mean, they're probably going to make her a deranged and slutty Xerxes worshiper in Rise of an Empire, and that's some major bullshit. Until then, I guess, I can just gaze at her face and console myself with her beauty. You should, too.
