Guys! “I Found You” was a pretty good episode of True Blood! Sure, it pandered to
audiences—a 5-minute-long sex scene between Eric and Jason doesn’t qualify as
anything other than “giving the fan-fiction writers what they what”—and sure,
it gave us an Alcide shower scene WITHOUT GIVING US TOPLESS ALCIDE (why aren’t
you pandering specifically to me, True
Blood writers?!).
But I also laughed a lot, and I think the social
commentary was largely heavy-handed but also on point, and I love when
Lafayette tells anybody off, including his auntie! I also love the exact way
Lafayette pronounces “Auntie,” so yes, I had a lot to like “I Found You.”
Hopefully you did, too.
Let’s jump right into the episode, shall we, with the
five craziest things that happened.
+ “You found me.” Let’s start with
Eric, who begins the episode in a crazy sex dream with Jason Stackhouse—I
really need a gif of Eric shaking the martini shaker; Internet, please fulfill
me—and makes out with him for five minutes, leading to Jason waking up all hot
and bothered … in church. Eric then
disappears until the very end of the episode, when he’s found by Pam in Rhone
Valley, France—and is infected with Hep-V.
I have so many questions about this!
Last time we saw Eric, he was reading naked in the Swedish mountains, but burst
into flames when Bilith’s blood wore off and he wasn’t immune to sunlight anymore.
So are we to understand that he drank other vampires’ blood in trying to heal
himself, and contracted Hep-V that way? Or did he somehow get it from his
sister Nora, when she was dying? Honestly, no idea. But these are some really
real stakes—to call Eric the ultimate fan favorite of the series would be an
understatement, I think—and I appreciate that the writers are going there. Here’s
another line that I appreciate, from Jason to Eric in their sex dream: “I can’t
get you out of my head. You probably hear that a lot, don’t you?” Yeah, he
probably does.
+ “We’re definitely fending for ourselves.” So where did the vampires who tore up Bon Temps come from? Sookie, who
remembers the dead girl she found in the woods when she walked home alone after vampires ate her friends (because
Sookie makes the worst decisions), gathers Alcide, Sam, Jason, and Andy to
check out the body, and they realize she was a resident of two towns over,
Saint Alice. They drive there to check it out … and the place is totally
abandoned, with a giant pit dug in the middle of town filled with dead bodies.
Once they learn that the girl had been dating a vampire before the ambushes
began, Sookie starts to reminisce about the early days of her relationship with
Bill … and so mysteriously, while Alcide is taking a shower (FOR REAL THOUGH
TRUE BLOOD WRITERS HOW DARE YOU NOT SHOW US WHAT ALCIDE IS WORKING WITH),
Sookie creeps off to Bill’s, knocks on his door, and asks, “If I got myself
into some serious shit, would you still be able to feel me?” Fingers crossed
that Sookie realizes that the kidnapped people are being held at Fangtasia, and
is planning some kind of escape with Bill’s help. Because over at Eric’s
onetime vampire bar, shit is getting real.
+ “I gotta believe Ms. Harris doesn’t have it in her to eat us!” Oh, silly Arlene. Of course your children’s former
teacher who is now a vampire infected with Hep-V has it in her to eat you! This
storyline doesn’t really get any movement this episode—Arlene, Holly, Sam’s
Baby Momma, etc. begin stuck in the basement of Fangtasia, and end still stuck in the basement of
Fangtasia—but it does raise some further questions about these roaming
vampires. True Blood has been inconsistent about the characterization of the
Hep-V-infected, no? The vampires ambushing Bellefleur’s were fast-moving,
violent, and super-strong, but at Fangtasia, those same vampires now seem whiny
and weak. There was that vampire who tried to eat Andy’s daughter Adilyn,
leading to Jessica’s protection, but he didn’t seem particularly vicious—just
dumb—whereas Ms. Harris, before she goes all crazy and melts down between
Arlene’s legs, seemed cognizant of her previous humanity. So I’m pretty
confused about what the Hep-V-infected vampires are really like, and I don’t
think True Blood has done a consistent job depicting them. I mean, clearly I’m
asking for a lot here, but I’m kind of confused as to how there’s a British guy
and no Southerners but Ms. Harris in
this vampire gang, if they’ve been working their way through the goddamn South. HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE.
+ “We’re here for the guns that are part of our Second Amendment right not
to be fucked over by our government.” Oh, Vince!
You are a hilarious parody of the terrible tea party movement, and I am totally
OK with it. The man who lost to Sam in the mayoral race outs Sam as a shifter
to the town, gets a vigilante mob on his side, destroys Bellefleur’s, and then
raids the police station’s armory, handing out guns to the aforementioned
vigilante mob and generally being an asshole. (Sadly, though, I cannot argue with
his assessment of Bon Temps: “This town is full of vampires, has a dog for a
mayor, and is being preached at by a telepath.”) But Vince also arrests Adilyn
and her crush (Holly’s son that isn’t named Rocky) after they try to stop the mob
and Adilyn unleashes her fairy powers, and I'm sure the arrest will piss off Jessica
and Andy. And honestly, I would like to see Jessica and Andy teaming up to kick
some ass, so here’s hoping we see a showdown between them and Vince sometime
soon.
+ “I need the answers!” Oh, Tara’s mom,
you’re so fucking crazy. Since Rutina Wesley is still listed as a regular on
the credits, although Tara supposedly got the true death, that doesn’t mean she’s
gone—her insane mother is seeing her in visions while she’s high on vampire
blood! So that’s good.
Lafayette refuses to believe her—his “You a drug addict,
you trifling bitch, through and through” had me fist-pumping like a maniac—but
we get a glimpse of Tara’s mom’s visions, and they are ridiculous: Tara in a white dress, on the cross, with a yellow
snake wrapped around her, whispering gibberish that Tara’s mom doesn’t
understand. I don’t think the True Blood writers could have been more blasphemous if
they tried, and I cannot lie—I loved it.
And finally, some odds and ends:
+ Can we talk about how impressed I always am with the
set design of Lafayette’s apartment? I love the weird voodoo dolls stacked
among his religious paraphernalia, and I loved him gesturing to his
surroundings when Tara’s mom yelled, “You going to hell.” I mean, he’s right: “That’s
what this is!”
+ In this week’s excellent Jason Stackhouse & Andy
Bellefleur moments: Andy’s disgusted “This is a Starbucks card” when Jason
thinks he’s handing over the dead girl’s identification, and Andy’s scoffing “If
Jason’s pizza forensics are to be trusted” when Jason eats a piece of pizza and
timestamps it at two and a half days ago. They are a wonder together.
+ Anyone else think Sookie was mainlining Rust Cohle’s
essence when talking about the “brutal indifference of life”? (Yes, I really
miss True Detective.)
+ Sure, the Saint Alice = Hurricane Katrina parallel was
pretty heavy-handed, but it raises another question: Did the government of
Saint Alice actually contact FEMA, and if so, where are they? Are they going to
magically show up in Bon Temps sometime down the line? Questions, questions.
+ Vintage Bill! Oh, my god, Vintage Bill.
+ “I did not survive four lousy husbands, a serial killer
boyfriend, and the sordid suicide of my love, Terry, to die in a dingy basement
of a fucking vampire bar!” Preach, Arlene!
+ Anyone else notice that Eugene Byrd from 8 Mile is
playing a Hep-V-infected vampire, part of the group in Fangtasia? Anyone?
Anyone?
+ And finally, here is your weekly installment of Alcide:
He could still get it.
