When Sylvester Stallone first started putting together The Expendables he made it clear what his mandate for it was. Action heroes of today were soft compared to the rugged stars of his glory years, and the plan was to bring back some of the tough guy machismo of the '80s into the present. But as he rounded up a literal army of aging stars, which was admittedly pretty cool to see altogether (it's not so cool anymore), he forgot to prove exactly why those old movies were so awesome to begin with. The result was The Expendables, a film with a lot of star power and the worst aspects of the bad action movies from yesteryear, and only a few of the good qualities.
Just in time for this weekend's The Expendables 3, the Screen Junkies have delivered another of their hilarious Honest Trailers, this time for The Expendables. And they pretty much nail EVERYTHING the film got wrong. While I find the awful one-liners kind of endearing, the plot is ridiculous by any measure, and there's no excuse for the severe lack of action. But what's really funny about this are the little details which mainly revolve around Stallone's facial hair and incomprehensible dialogue. The description of Terry Crews nearly made me piss myself so I'll leave that for you to discover. And dude, I totally forgot Charisma Carpenter was in the first one! Damn these movies treat women like crap.
