The problem with sequels, especially those crafted by the same
minds behind the first film, is that they inevitably get greedy. That goes
double for a film like Ted 2,
a sequel to Seth MacFarlane's unexpectedly robust Ted, which finished up its
raunchy run with more than $500M, a record for R-rated comedies. MacFarlane is
a brilliant guy; whatever one wants to say about Family Guy or his stable of
button-pushing animated ventures, MacFarlane is smart enough to know that his
style of humor connects with people. And because of that, he knows he can use
comedy to try and say something important. That's a great idea, but Ted 2 probably wasn't the right vehicle for
him to do it.
That's not to say Ted 2 isn't funny; it's often quite
hilarious and crude in all of the ways we expect. There are more jokes about
more bodily fluids than anyone should ever hope for, and there's enough pot
smoke to keep Method Man and Redman high for years. But MacFarlane is grasping
at something profound with his screenplay, and every attempt he makes to say
something relevant is undercut by the inevitable rude or racist joke, or
somebody smoking out of a penis bong.
The MacFarlane indulgence begins near the
beginning with a rousing Broadway musical number that goes on way too long and
adds nothing to the narrative. MacFarlane's love of these big musical acts is
well known but this one lasts an eternity. From there the story kicks off in
the same delightfully loopy tone as the original, albeit with a few real-world
circumstances. Ted and his gal Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) decide to get married,
but it's a bittersweet event as John (Mark Wahlberg) is still grieving over his
divorce to Lori (Mila Kunis, who doesn't appear at all). So he indulges in more
weed with his teddy bear pal, but it isn't long before he too is facing a
marital crisis. Ted and Tami-Lynn's marriage hits a roadblock and they are
fighting non-stop, so John comes up with the kind of hair-brained idea only a
complete moron would come up with: have a baby to save the marriage.
So this is what the movie is going to be
about, right? Ted and Tami-Lynn trying to have a kid? For a while, yes, but
MacFarlane has never been very good at walking down a straight path, narratively
speaking. He indulges in too many subplots that add nothing, including a
last-minute kidnapping scheme involving the return of Giovanni Ribisi's stalker
character. The film's best gags occur while Ted and Tami-Lynn are trying to
figure out how to become parents because obviously it's going to be tough since
he's a stuffed animal. There's a disastrous and gag-worthy trip to the sperm
clinic, and an attempt to steal the golden semen from NFL QB Tom Brady. These
scenes are great, simple, and allow MacFarlane to indulge in being as offensive
as possible.
But then MacFarlane gets greedy. Ted and
Tami-Lynn attempt to adopt a child, only to learn that the state of
Massachusetts doesn't consider him to be an actual human being. He has no
social security number, he doesn't pay taxes, and he doesn't exist as anything
other than property. So his marriage to Tami-Lynn is revoked and he even loses
his job, but if he wants to have a child he'll need to sue for his rights. Yes, Ted 2 becomes a courtroom movie about
Ted's fight to be considered equal. Ugh. Ted and John hire a starry-eyed young
lawyer named Samantha (Amanda Seyfried) to try their case, but when things get
tough they go on a pot-filled road trip to New York to try and hire a big shot
attorney played by Morgan Freeman, who sadly seems out-of-place here.
The problem is that MacFarlane is trying
desperately hard to equate Ted's plight to the struggles of African-Americans
and gays, but his approach is incredibly clumsy. Simply showing a brief scene
from Roots isn't going to cut it, and it's tough to take serious when Seyfried
is in court equating a teddy bear's rights Dredd Scott and people who literally
fought and died just to be considered. We get that the point MacFarlane is
trying to make is that anyone who feels is deserving of equal respect, but
isn't this the same Ted who has never contributed one decent thing to society
ever? Interestingly, the defense actually makes that case against Ted and it
rings truer than MacFarlane probably intended.
The dynamic between MacFarlane's Ted and
Wahlberg is different this time, but we still believe in these two as
"Thunder Buddies for life". Only now the focus has shifted to Ted's
problems, not John's. That said, they still make a goofy pair of slacker buds
we'd want to hang out with forever, watching Law & Order while high and
obsessing over Sam "Flash Gordon" Jones. Ever the genius when
it comes to pissing all over pop culture icons, MacFarlane dreams up a couple
of laugh-out-loud memorable scenes involving Jurassic
Park and a field of weed, and
a great Breakfast Club dance montage using Bone
Symphony's classic "One Foot in Front of the Other".
MacFarlane flopped hard with A Million Ways to Die in the West,
and compared to that Ted 2 is an unmitigated success. It's not
nearly as funny, as vulgar, or as original as the first film, but there are
still enough good laughs to make for a perfectly decent sequel. Hopefully if
there's a third time hanging out with the bear and his human pal, MacFarlane
will leave all the serious stuff elsewhere.
Rating: 3 out of 5
