The icon of action, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, officially makes his
return to a starring action role in The
Last Stand, a movie that feels exactly right as either Ahnold’s big
comeback or, more likely, his swan song. Here’s the thing about action films,
they can be completely run of the mill yet still be extremely fun…no other
genre can do that…there’s something about stuff blowing up I suppose. It doesn’t
work anywhere else, comedy gets unwatchable when the same one note joke is used
over the years and drama? Don’t even try it…you’re asleep 30 minutes in if
there isn’t something unique. The Last
Stand is as generic as it gets when you’re talking plot. Schwarzenegger
plays Sheriff Ray Owens, a former LAPD cop who, moved to Boringsville USA aka
Sommerton Junction after an on the job tragedy left him wanting nothing to do
with serious crime. I suppose Sheriff Owens never watched many movies, if he
had he would have realized that Sommerton, being a border town, was destined
for a serious outlaw or two. That destiny is fulfilled when Gabriel Cortez, the
Pablo Escobar of his time, escapes custody and heads for Mexico complete with
an army of henchman clearing the way and a human insurance policy in the
passenger seat. As the title implies Owens and his band of small town misfits
(most notably Johnny Knoxville and Luis Guzman) must make the last stand to
keep Cortez from freedom. More End of
Days than The Terminator in terms of lasting impact on cinema, but that’s exactly why I prefaced this summary with that bit on the curve on which action movies are to be judged…let’s be honest though, this flick is less about the movie itself and more about the
return of Arnold, are we witnessing the first page in the second coming of
action’s greatest star?
No, no we are not. Yeah, I know that was lazy…I could’ve
teased it a bit more or come up with some insightful metaphor but that would
seem contradictory to the film we’re talking about, deliver what’s promised in
the most blunt no frills way possible…that’s the theme of The Last Stand. Though, if I was being completely thorough I would
have said that with some weird unnatural way. That’s the biggest problem with
the movie, Schwarzenegger has lost that magical ability to make you completely
forget how out of place he is, and has been, in every role he’s played. The
role of Ray Owens was obviously written with salt of the earth red-blooded
American actor in mind, then Arnold decides to make his comeback with it and no
one thought some revamping of the dialogue were necessary. Like I said, this
same template applies to every movie he’s done but the difference is he no
longer has the physicality, presence, or charisma to make you just accept him
as the character. Throughout the entire movie I couldn’t help but to wonder if
this was a story about a hero stepping up or a really sad attempt by the
witness relocation program. It’s not all bad, quite the opposite really…it’s
just that when you say it’s time for a legend to hang it up you better at least
have a few words to back that up.
Now, let me shake off the negativity and get down to why you
should see this flick. On the plot and action alone this flick is worth a look
as a rental but when you add in Johnny Knoxville, Luis Guzman, and a Corvette
C6 ZR1 blasting down the interstate you get a movie that people are going to be
watching on Saturday afternoons for years to come. Knoxville has always been
vastly underrated in my book…I’m pretty sure the hate for him comes from his
mismanagement…not every guy that women find attractive is supposed to be a
leading man, in small to medium sized doses he ALWAYS raises the fun factor.
Luis Guzman has a smaller role but that’s pretty much his thing, take an
afterthought of a role and make it mean more to the audiences enjoyment than
the writers would have expected. Now, in order to be considered an action movie
there has to be at least one, preferably 10 or more, really nice, really fast
cars. So much so that I’m surprised they haven’t started getting their own line
in the credits. The Last Stand brings
us Chevy’s classic statement for overcompensation, the Corvette…but not just
any Corvette the C6 ZR1, in other words the Chevy BMF. She won’t go down in
history with Eleanor, of John Cobretti’s Merc coupe but I’ll be damned if you
won’t be trying to figure out how much overtime will get you the $112K personality
on wheels. Lastly, director Kim Ji-Woon, who really came to fame with the
awesomely disturbing I Saw the Devil,
brings big time “blow stuff up and then shoot it“ action to the screen with surprising
ease considering the smaller scope of his previous work. The movie ends up
having this really cool mix of being slick and slightly stylish while
maintaining the bright wide shots we’ve come to expect from our testosterone fests.
While I think it would’ve been much better for everyone
involved if Schwarzenegger had chosen a different film in which to make his
comeback The Last Stand surprisingly holds
firm and ends up as an enjoyable if not overly silly at times action flick for
those needing their fix of the genre. No need to rush out to theaters as this
one will serve you just find when it hits home video in a few months.
3 out of 5 Guttenbergs
