It isn't always a good idea to listen to negative buzz surrounding
a film, but when it comes from the head of the studio distributing it...well,
time to perk up those ears. Cameron Crowe's latest comedy Aloha has had a long production history,
and not necessarily a good one. Originally titled Deep Tiki, the film, described
as "Joe vs. The Volcano meets Jerry Maguire", was put on
hold for some serious retooling, and was resurrected after Crowe's success with We Bought a Zoo. But apparently
he didn't do nearly enough, as ex-Sony chief Amy Pascal famously ripped thefilm in leaked emails. She ripped Crowe for basically being terrible, ripped
the film's entire premise, ripped the story, ripped everything, calling it
"ridiculous" and that it "makes no sense".
Here's the thing: she's right about all of it. Aloha is a misguided effort from the
boring (and apparently offensive) title to the nonsensical plot, which turns a
Hawaiian paradise into a torture chamber of comic mishaps. Given to wild leaps
in logic and overdoses of sentimentality, it's like somebody made a spot-on
parody of a terrible Cameron Crowe movie. Awesome, gorgeous stars like Bradley
Cooper, Rachel McAdams, Emma Stone, and Bill Murray saying a bunch of
long-winded, emotionally-devoid stuff no human being would ever say unless they
were characters written by Crowe. 
What passes for a plot has Bradley Cooper as Brian Gilcrest, a
defense contractor who used to be hot sh*t before flaming out in spectacular
fashion. Given one last chance to redeem himself thanks to eccentric
billionaire philanthropist Carson Welch (Murray), Brian is sent to Hawaii to
oversee the launch of a satellite into orbit. It's a project that has the Air
Force all hot 'n bothered, so they stick Brian with a chaperone in Air Force
pilot Allison Ng (Stone), and task him with securing the blessing of the island
chiefs before the launch. Why does he need their blessing? For good P.R. or
something, or maybe it's because actual mystical forces are at play? It's hard
to say, and Crowe doesn't seem to know, either. 
Actually, it's more like he doesn't really care about the
satellite or the island gods or whatever, because none of that stuff makes an
ounce of sense. Crowe is more interested in the chemistry-free romance between
Brian, Allison, and Brian's ex-girlfriend Tracy (McAdams), who lives on the
island with her mute husband (John Krasinski). He's not actually mute; he just
doesn't like to talk. Why? No idea. Don't worry about it, it doesn't ultimately
matter. 
Crowe's tendency to create manic pixie dreamgirls for his damaged male characters
to fall for kicks into overdrive as we get two of them this time. That Allison
is supposedly a serious-minded, if somewhat odd, military official is
immediately undercut by her childish infatuation with Brian. She's not a
character we can believe in for a single moment, but at least with Stone in the
role she's fun to have around. Tracy, on the other hand, is a complete drag and
a total blank slate as a person. She only exists to give Brian someone to angst
over and occasionally argue with in vastly overwritten fashion. Their romantic
past is one full of disappointments, but when the whole story comes out it's
anticlimactic, certainly not enough to hold our attention. Then again, little
about this film is except for the gorgeous Hawaiian locale shot beautifully by
cinematographer Eric Gautier. And of course the eclectic soundtrack is
exceptional, although Crowe seems to be leaning harder on it this time to
create the emotional resonance his script simply doesn't.
As tonally misjudged as Elizabethtown and twice as disappointing, Aloha
at least gave its cast a sweet paid vacation to Hawaii. And someone remember to
send Ms. Pascal a "thank you" note for trying to warn us. That lady
deserves a promotion.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5
Trav's Note: Obviously, I'm not a fan, but if you're still interested in Aloha you can watch the first 8 minutes below.
