The Talent Show: Chris Evans

OK, I know. It's very easy to talk about how hot Chris Evans is when the pinnacle of his career, playing Captain America in The First Avenger, The Avengers, Thor: The Dark World, and tomorrow's The Winter Soldier, has been playing a justice-obsessed patriot who happens to be, you know, exceedingly hot. Maybe I'm taking shortcuts here by pointing out how hot this guy is, when we all know how hot he is, because Captain America is hot, and therefore of course Chris Evans should be, too. But, guys ... he's so hot.

The reality is this: I really, really liked The First Avenger - it's my favorite of the Phase 1 Marvel movies - and I think Captain America's cameo in Thor 2, as impersonated by Loki to Thor, was very funny indeed. Am I somewhat bummed that Evans seems burnt-out from the Captain America thing, talking openly about how he plans to transition into directing? And did this story from Vulture about how sad Evans seems since getting famous depress me? Of course.

But that's why I'm more than willing to give Chris Evans a hug. MANY HUGS. Just look at these pictures below and tell me you wouldn't give him a hug. Bearded or not ... hugs.

Oh, and see The Winter Soldier tomorrow. It's good, we swear! And have you heard Chris Evans is hot in it? I've heard that once or twice.

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The Talent Show: Kristen Bell

This week millions of fangirls and fanboys will get their wish when the crowd sourced Veronica Mars movie hits theaters. Admittedly I'm just now catching onto the TV show, it's definitely worth a watch, but let's be honest, it's number 1 gift to audiences around the world is the impossibly cute Kristen Bell. Quite literally the definition of the "Girl Next Door" type...though I don't remember any girls this hot living next door. Bell brings not only sex appeal but a smart and capable persona highlighted by a quick wit and undeniable gift for comic timing. Cementing her place in the hearts of red blooded men everywhere with the title role in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and as the bored house wife yearning for something wild in Couples Retreat Kristen Bell has made herself more than just a cult TV show star, oh....and she married Dax Shepard from Punk'd but I guess we can let that slide. This weekend will be a huge proving ground for the possibility of more cult shows made into movies, I hope for all of our sakes that Veronica Mars kills it at the box office but, sink or swim, Kristen Bell won't be going anywhere...and thank GOD for that!

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The Talent Show: Eva Green

Look, I'm going to hate the new 300 sequel, Rise of an Empire. There's no way around it. Given how much I really resented 300 and how over Frank Miller's insanely over-the-top conservative ideologies I am, and how stupid Rise of an Empire looks, I will not enjoy it. I will not! And, you know, the fact that I'm Iranian and we're only portrayed in these comics and movies as either a. sociopathic faux-demigods with weird homosexual overtones, b. freakish mutant whores, or c. faceless soldiers to be slaughtered doesn't really sit well with me.

The only thing that could make me give 300: Rise of an Empire any time of day is Eva Green, who I love and cherish forever. Goddamn, but she is beautiful, and is right up there in my life "Women I Want to Grow Up to Be" list (other notable members: Kate Winslet, Marion Cotillard, Sofia Coppola). And if you don't think Eva Green is lovely (maybe you haven't seen The Dreamers, Kingdom of Heaven, Casino Royale, The Golden Compass, or that terrible mini-series she was in, Camelot), then you're either stupid or blind. I guess the safest word to describe her would be "edgy," but she gives me an old-school Angelina Jolie vibe, of untouchable exotic beauty with a slight touch of intense crazy. And I'm perfectly fine with that.

Am I upset she has to take roles in crap like 300: Rise of an Empire? Of course. But she's playing one of my people, the famed female naval commander Artemisia, so I'll kind of let it slide. I mean, they're probably going to make her a deranged and slutty Xerxes worshiper in Rise of an Empire, and that's some major bullshit. Until then, I guess, I can just gaze at her face and console myself with her beauty. You should, too.

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The Talent Show: Jessica Lucas

Oh, so you thought The Talent Show would be all about Amber Heard this week, right? I don't blame you for thinking that, since everyone knows how I feel about the future...*grumble*...Mrs. Johnny friggin' Depp, plus she has 3 Days to Kill out this week. But I've given Heard enough love here on the site, so let's take a look another actress who is definitely on the rise.

We've been seeing a lot from Jessica Lucas lately, having seen her in both That Awkward Moment and this week's Pompeii this year alone. In one she stomps all over poor Michael B. Jordan's heart, in the other she's a barely-clothed slave fleeing an erupting volcano. That shows great emotional range, right? Who cares? She's smokin' hot in everything, whether she's running away from monsters in Cloverfield or trying to survive the Evil Dead. Hopefully she'll get a chance to put that theatre background to good use in something juicy at some point, but for now I'm perfectly fine with her as eye candy.

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The Talent Show: Kate Beckinsale

Wait a second, The Talent Show is a weekly article where we feature an actor/actress from one of that weekend's releases...Kate doesn't have anything coming out this week! I know, I know, let me explain... this weekend we have Monuments Men (the title explains that one), The Lego Movie (I haven't found LEGO's hot since I was like, 6) and Vampire Academy. While I didn't see anyone in Vampire Academy that I wanted to single out, it DID remind me of the hottest vamp of all time, and THAT, ladies and gentleman, is how we get to Kate Beckinsale.

Something happened between Brokedown Palace and Pearl Harbor...Kate went from cute girl next door to full on girl of my dreams sexpot. I was hooked. Admittedly she's my type, prior to Kate my top tier lady was Elizabeth Hurley, the very woman who passed the "Super hot, super classy British chick" baton to Kate in the first part of the 2000's (hottie baton passing is an actual thing in Britan by the way, the Queen presides over the ceremony and everything). So then, just when I thought there was no way to improve on this classic beauty, Underworld came out and taught us all that there were two things that could launch her further into the stratosphere, fangs and leather.

While Kate hasn't ever sunk her teeth (pun intended) into any Academy Award type roles she has been kind enough to grace us with the kind of fun and entertaining roles that made movies popular in the first place, Click, Total Recall, and two Underworld sequels to name a few. With two movies in the pipeline she shows no sign of slowing down. That's not even to mention that at 41 she seems more beautiful than ever making her that rare Hollywood starlet that gets better with age!

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The Talent Show: Chris Pine

Chris Pine made his acting debut back in 2004, when he co-starred alongside Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement. Since then, he's starred in several movies including Bottle Shock with Alan Rickman, the sci-fi thriller Carriers, Unstoppable with Denzel Washington, People Like Us with Elizabeth Banks, and done voice over work for the animation Rise of the Guardians. Though he's probably most famous for his role as Captain James T. Kirk in J.J. Abrams's reboot of Star Trek and its sequel Star Trek Into Darkness. 

A lot of times he plays the charming, if a bit narcissistic and overconfident but very likable characters. But this year, Pine seems to be venturing into different types of film. He just recently starred as the intelligent Tom Clancy analyst in Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit and will also be seen this year in Horrible Bosses 2 and we'll hear him sing in the movie adaptation of the Broadway musical Into the Woods. 

And while his career and personality might be an interest to some and not to others, that doesn't matter because this is the talent show, after all. So, let's throw out all acting talk and get to why I'm writing this article to begin with: to admire Chris Pine's genetic makeup. Included in this are his Peter Gallagher-esque eyebrows, the sexy beard, and his very, very sparkly blue eyes. Check out the pictures below and take the time to admire the pretty! 

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The Talent Show: Taylor Kitsch

Here's the thing about Taylor Kitsch: He deserves better than the career he has right now. Yes, he had a few major flops in 2012 with John Carter, Battleship, and Savages. But be real: Were any of those his fault? I say no. I would blame an unnecessarily huge budget for John Carter, a silly premise for Battleship, and Blake Lively's goddamn awfulness for Savages. Otherwise, Kitsch did a pretty solid acting job in all those films, and he's just as good in Lone Survivor - opening tomorrow - even if the movie itself does have some problematic over-the-top patriotism.

But I'll let those career missteps slide not only because Kitsch has a good 2014 lined up (for example, he's going against type in Ryan Murphy's HBO project The Normal Heart, playing a closeted gay man during the AIDS epidemic) but also, let's just be honest: I can get down with Taylor Kitsch. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM? The body and face and hair of Tim Riggins (goddammit, just watch Friday Night Lights already!) are not to be ignored.

In this week's The Talent Show, let me show you all the ways Taylor Kitsch deserves your love and affection. And your lust, obviously. Lots of lust.

First off, that smirk. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MORE HANDSOME SMIRK?

Oh look, he can write! He's literate! You two can join a book club together! 

He wears hooded sweatshirts? He'd let you borrow it in the cold weather? That's nice. 

So he experiments a little bit with eyeliner. Whatever. HOW COULD YOU DENY THAT FACE ANYTHING? 

Um, he works out. Like, a lot. Look at those arms! 

Look at those nipples! 

Look at his arms AND his nipples together! 

What more do you want from life? Nothing. Taylor Kitsch has it all. INTO IT. 

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