Only three episodes left in this season of Game of Thrones,
and in this seventh episode, “The Gift,” we see a lot of exchanges – a few
different gifts, if you will, although only Tyrion is identified as such.
Ramsay “gifts” Sansa with a murder meant to threaten her. Gilly “gifts” Sam
with some sex as a thanks for fending off her would-be rapists (because this
show really needed another rape scene; I mean, we haven’t had one since last
week, and that’s basically a drought). Littlefinger “gifts” Granny Tyrell with
information about Lancel Lannister. And the High Sparrow gifts us all with
Cersei’s imprisonment, throwing her in a cell to go dirty and feral as Margaery
has done. Let’s all clap for that one.
But ehh, overall, this wasn’t a great episode – way too
slapdash, way too many subplots – which I know I’ve been saying a lot lately,
but this season hasn’t been great overall, either, so let me just throw another
ehhh out there. Another episode, another terrible scene with the Sand Snakes.
Another episode, more outrage at what they’re doing to Sansa. Another episode,
another female character done wrong (Melisandre, specifically). Another
episode, and let’s just run through it. I’ll try to keep my sarcasm and
disgruntlement to a minimum, but … no promises.
+ “I am the gift. My
name is Tyrion Lannister.” Finally, for the first time in the shows and in
the books (because this definitely hasn’t happened in G.R.R.M.’s timeline yet),
Dany and Tyrion meet and share a scene. Cool, I guess, but I thought this was
fairly anticlimactic. As a book reader, I know there are a bunch of different
theories floating around about Dany and Tyrion, like that he’s one of the three
heads of the dragon, that he’ll end up being a dragon rider, and that he and
Dany might even be half-siblings, but the show has done barely anything to
support those theories, so I just wasn’t particularly excited about their meeting.
It comes about after Jorah stages an off-Broadway
reenactment of Gladiator, battling all the other slave fighters, and then
revealing himself to Dany and Hizdahr, who were watching the bouts as part of “tradition”
before their wedding. Dany wasn’t pleased, but perhaps she was still thinking
about Daario’s assessment of ruling: “All rulers are either butchers or meat.”
His advice to slaughter all the masters at the reopening of the fighting pits
is reckless and rash, and maybe something Khal Drogo would have done (let’s be
real here), but the idea doesn’t sit well with Dany, who still wants to pretend
that her sellsword lover isn’t really a man who gets hired to kill people. Maybe
she’ll start taking advice from Tyrion and Jorah instead? I mean, why else kill
off Ser Barristan Selmy? Yes, I’m still bitter about that shit.
+ “Do you know how
pleased I was when I saw you? You make me very happy.” Sansa’s trauma
continues this week as we see that some time has passed – maybe days, maybe
weeks – since her wedding, and Ramsay is keeping her locked in their room
during the day and then abusing and assaulting and raping her all night. (For
all of us book readers wondering how far Benioff/Weiss would take their transplanting
of Sansa into Jeyne’s storyline, it looks like they’re committing, since this
was basically what happened to Ms. Poole. Although I guess Ramsay won’t force
Sansa to have sex with his dogs on the show, so that the showrunners can continue
pretending that they’re adapting G.R.R.M.’s subplot with grace or tact or some
shit.) Sansa is desperate to escape and thinks that Reek will help her – “Your
name is Theon Greyjoy!” she tries to remind him – but instead he marches
straight to Ramsay and tells his master about her plan and her ally in the old
woman, who reminded her that “the North remembers.”
So, naturally, Ramsay flays the woman and displays her body,
gloating to Sansa about how tough the old woman was and how she “should hold
onto your candles. The nights are so long now.” What paths of escape lay open
for Sansa now? According to the clips for next week, she’ll try to get through
to Theon/Reek again, and we saw this week that Brienne is literally standing in
her inn room window, staring at the Broken Tower all day every day, in case
Sansa sends a message so she can hurry over to Winterfell and rescue her. If
only Sansa could engage in a war of the words with Ramsay for her freedom – her
scoffing “Tommen Baratheon? Another bastard” was a thing of beauty after she
pointed out to Ramsay that his father Roose’s son with Walda Frey will be more legitimate
than Ramsay.
And, along those lines, where is Roose? Did I miss that he
left Winterfell? Hadn’t he told Ramsay to actually treat Sansa well as a way to
ensure their claim to the North? Ugh. This fucking storyline.
+ “I am the Queen.
Have you lost your mind?” Well, let’s all rejoice at Cersei finally, after
so long, getting what’s coming to her. This episode we saw her lie to Tommen,
lie to Margaery, and lie to the High Sparrow, and when all that deceit finally
comes back to bite her, it comes back hard, with her capture by the High
Sparrow and the Faith Militant. As we all expected, the High Sparrow says it’s
Lancel Lannister who gave her up some time ago – “Piece by piece, he unburdened
himself” – but did that makes sense to everyone? Because it was weird to me
that Lancel would have told the High Sparrow about his activities with Cersei,
but that nothing would have happened until this episode, which theoretically is
days – maybe weeks? – after Lancel joined the religious order. And it’s also
weird that Littlefinger would call Lancel a “gift” he was giving Olenna Tyrell,
because what did either of them really have to do with Cersei’s capture? Was
Littlefinger just informing the Queen of Thorns about Lancel’s confession? I
don’t know, lots of questions here, but long story short, Cersei is locked up.
What will be interesting at this point is how Tommen reacts;
in the books, because he’s a child, it’s Cersei’s uncle Kevan Lannister who
steps in. But also in the books, it’s not Lancel who gives Cersei up, so it’s
not really a conflict of interest for Kevan. Here, it would be: Does Kevan side
with his son, or does he try to free Cersei to protect everything the
Lannisters have built? Does he guide Tommen? Tommen told Cersei that to save
Margery, “I’ll take back the Sept and kill every last one of them; I’ll start a
war if I have to,” but would he do the same to save his mother? Or will he team
up with the Queen of Thorns to save both Cersei and Margaery? Olenna already
proved that she’s more than willing to spar with the High Sparrow (“Half the
men, women, and children in this foul city break the sacred laws. You live
among murderers, thieves, and rapists!” was a great analysis of everything wrong
with the Faith Militant movement), but maybe now she’ll stand back because
Cersei has been captured, too.
Lots of options for how the show will deal with both captured
queens moving forward, but I like that this episode (somewhat obliquely, but
still) referenced Cersei’s prophecy from the beginning of the season, that she
would see all her children die. If you were Cersei and thought that would come
to pass, perhaps you would be inclined to “burn cities to the ground” to
protect your children … or discredit and undermine their wives and then send
their fathers/uncles to kidnap them from foreign courts. Whichever! Same thing!
+ “Why is it
happening at all?” Over in Dorne, the horrendously boring storytelling just
keeps on going! Myrcella confronts Jaime about trying to kidnap her and puts
him in his place by proclaiming that yes, she and Trystane are in love, and
yes, they’re going to get married, and yes, she considers Dorne her home,
because Cersei sent her here and now she’s here and she’s been here and she’s
not leaving. Take that, Uncle Jaime! And, to dig the knife in deeper, Myrcella
throws out a “You don’t know me,” which makes Jaime’s face as shocked and
confused as mine was when Tyene Sand whipped out her breasts and started
seducing Bronn for no fucking reason at all.
Since I’m pretty sure no one said her name during a scene
where the character got naked – why do women need identities, am I right? –that’s
Tyene, and if you’ve forgotten, she’s Ellaria’s and Oberyn’s daughter and her
specialty is daggers and poisons. (In the books, she’s a faux-pious daughter of
Oberyn and a septa, whereas I guess in the show they’re making her
super-sexual; notice Obara’s eye roll when Tyene got naked, like a “We’ve seen
this a million times before” kind of reaction. Book readers, I wonder if they’re
going to give her some of the unjustly cut-from-the-show Arianne’s personality?)
Why she would poison Bronn, then show him her breasts, then give him the
antidote is beyond me – although wait, was I really supposed to believe that
all she wanted was for him to call her pretty? Oh goddammit, this stupid
fucking show.
+ “Oh my.” Back
at the Wall, some dudes try to rape Gilly, Sam tries to fight them, Ghost
scares them away, and then Gilly rewards Sam with some mockery (“Don’t be
stupid, Sam. You’re not a fighter”) and some sex. That’s basically all I have
to say about that.
Finally, some odds
and ends:
+ “I know I am only here to serve my queen, and not give
advice…” Oh please, Daario. Giving advice to Dany in bed is your favorite
fucking thing to do on this show.
+ THAT WHITE GOWN OF DANY’S WITH THE DRAGON COMING OUT OF
THE COLLARBONE. YES. YES. YES.
+ I like that Olly is STILL giving Jon side eye as he rides
off to Hardhome with Tormund in tow, as well as Dolorous Edd and some
dragonglass from Sam. Maybe we’ll finally see some White Walkers again? I know
fellow PDC-er Julian Lytle would be VERY pumped to see the Night’s King.
+ Also related to Hardhome: Did we all notice that
Rattleshirt is there, as glimpsed in the clips for next week? Let the Mance
Rayder truth tellers begin their theorizing again.
+ Sansa’s face when she learned that Jon is the new Lord
Commander! Great moment of shock there from Sophie Turner. Also, Sansa/Jon
shippers – y’all are gross.
+ Rest in peace, Maester Aemon. In an episode where I felt
practically nothing, Sam’s words about Maester Aemon had me choking up a bit:
“His name is Aemon
Targaryen. He came to us from King’s Landing. A maester of the Citadel, chained
and sworn, and sworn brother of the Night’s Watch, ever faithful. No man was
wiser or gentler or kinder. … He was the blood of the dragon. But now his fire
has gone out. And now his watch is ended.”
+ “Egg, I dreamed that I was old.” A line directly from the
books, and one that totally wrecked me. Yes, the old men on this show are my
favorites, and yes, having both Barristan and Aemon die already is not sitting
well.
+ I will say this for Cersei, she can threaten with the best
of them: “Look at my face. It’s the last thing you’ll see before you die!”
+ Did anyone else thinking timing was really off this
episode? Each subplot seemed to be on a different timetable. It seemed like
Sansa had been dealing with Ramsay for days, if not weeks, and Margaery looked
practically feral while kept in the Sept. But Tommen spoke to Cersei like she
had been taken just recently. What’s the deal? Confusing.
+ “Get out, you hateful bitch!” Preach, Margaery.
+ “What will we find when we strip away your finery?” BOOK
READERS, WE ALL KNOW WHAT’S COMING WITH CERSEI, LOL LOL LOL.
+ As always, the Queen of Thorns had some choice lines this
week, especially to Littlefinger: “You’ve always been rather impressed with
yourself, haven’t you?” and “Together we murdered a king. If my house should
fall, I have nothing to hide.” Anyone who can threaten Petyr to his face is a
winner in my book.
+ Has the High Sparrow been listening to Jay Z, Kanye West,
and Frank Ocean? His threat to Olenna, “You are the few. We are the many. And
when the many stop fearing the few …” reminded me very much of their song “No
Church in the Wild.” Don’t forget Frank Ocean’s part from that song: “What’s a
man to a mob? What’s a mob to a king? What’s a king to a god? What’s a god to a
nonbeliever who don’t believe in anything?”
+ More Bronn singing this week! “I’ve tasted the Dornishman’s
wife,” indeed.
+ “The next time you see something like that, you leave it
alone.” Was Gilly honestly telling Sam to just let her get raped? Ugh. Ugh.
Ugh.
+ And in a final ugh of the evening, Melisandre telling Stannis
that he should sacrifice Shireen to her for the power in her blood – fuck to
the no. Not only am I pissed about this because it doesn’t happen in the books
(my constant complaint), but also because it feels like all the good stuff we
got between Stannis and Shireen so far was only to service this storyline,
instead of just because Stannis and Shireen like each other as fathers and
daughters should. Plus, is it really in Melisandre’s personality to do this? Up
until this point, she’s been loyal to Stannis and believed in him. Why would she
need to do this, if her belief in him is so pure and committed? Makes. No.
Sense.
+ Can we stop saying “Winter is coming” now that winter has
finally come? As Stannis notes to Davos, “Who can say how many years this
winter will last?” And in spite of that, I have to respect him for telling
Davos, “We march to victory, or we march to defeat, but we go forward. Only
forward.” I can respect that.
