Bloodsport 2? Van DAMME YOU!!!!

My favorite movie as a kid was Bloodsport and JCVD was my hero, I'm not ashamed to admit that. However if Mr.VD (hehe VD) decides to go ahead with his plans for a Bloodsport 2 then he will forever have tainted himself in my thoughts and mind. People talk of George Lucas raping their childhood for the Star Wars special editions..well check this quote from Jean Claude and I'll show you the true raper of past cinematic glory. The following is a quote from TotalFilm;

“You know, like, we’re gonna do Bloodsport 2,” he told us in a recent interview. “Which was my first movie. And I want to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son.”

“They told me, ‘No, no, no! You cannot make a movie in America where a father is abusing his son physically! It’s wrong.” “And you cannot be a guy on drugs doing karate and shit like that.’ I said, ’Why? Why? Tell me why.’ “It’s against the rules of success. But I believe the other rules of success. To show something real.”

Mature way? Child Abuse? DRUGS?!?!?! That is NOT Frank Dux. How bout this you Van Douche, make the movie but stick to the formula. Just because you had some minor success in the indie world doesn't mean you can bring that emotional, deep, meaningful SHIT to my action world...leave that where it belongs and kick some ass...if you even CAN anymore

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More Transformer Toy Pics

Just for you Trav here's the vehicle version of Soundwave...I think it's a jet. Also a slightly tweaked and updated Bumblebee.


....Sorry

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New Transformers Pics

Ok, so they're the toys, not actual movie pics...sue me. But here Empire gives us our first look at soundwave, and AICN.com outed this pic of the transformer twins from the Transformers game site. The twins seem a bit cartoonish but whatever I'm sure they'll look alot cooler on screen, Soundwave looks pretty cool though.

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'Fanboys' Theatrical Trailer!!!

Here's another trailer for the upcoming Fanboys. With all the drama surrounding this flick it looks like it may come out unharmed...the trailer looks hillarious and I can NOT wait to see this. For any geek like me who loves Star Wars and just general pop culture geekiness it should be a blast. Release date is February 6th, but according to the ole' wiki it looks like only in particular citie

Fanboys will only be released on February 06, 2009 in the following cities in the US:

Austin, TX (1 screen)
Chicago, IL (3 screens)
Houston, TX (3 screens)
Los Angeles, CA (10 screens)
New York, NY (10 screens)
Philadelphia, PA (5 screens)
San Francisco, CA (6 screens)
Seattle, WA (3 screens)[15]

I pray that this info is not correct as this would work as a wide release, there are many more of us geeks out there than what they give us credit for.

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The To-Do List: 1/30/09

This is what happens when I don't see any movies for five whole days. Five whole days! I'm going through withdrawals. There are no less than 6 films out right now that I want to check out, but realistically I'll probably see 4 of them. And what's more, a friend just asked if I wanted to check out the 5-hour long Steven Soderbergh epic, Che, tomorrow at E Street Cinema. Uhhh, yeah! I do! But that effectively wipes out an entire day, and I'll consume so much popcorn during that period I'll be pissing out movie butter for a week.

The big release this week is Liam Neeson's Taken, in which he plays some sort of superspy type guy who's daughter is kidnapped, and now he has 96 hours to get her back. Looks good, and it's written by my boy Luc Besson, so you know I'm going to be first in line to check it out. It's good to see him doing more mainstream stuff lately. Not that I dislike the Angel-A's or District B-13(which I absolutely love and can't wait for the sequel. Will post a trailer soon), but he gained a lot of credibility stateside with The Professional, La Femme Nikita, and The Big Blue. It'd be nice to see him do something on that level again.

The critically acclaimed Wendy and Lucy starring Michelle Williams makes it's debut at E Street Cinema this week, and it's a movie I'd really like to check out. It looks slow, and apparently not a lot happens, but I hear Michelle's performance is simply amazing.

This week Entertainment Weekly ran a story wondering why Brendan Fraser doesn't get more respect. It's because he makes movies that look extremely pointless, like Inkheart does. But part of me still wants to check it out. If I dont it won't kill me, though. I didn't see Journey to the Center of the Earth and I'm still just as alive as ever.

The Uninvited looks interesting, if only to see how Elizabeth Banks pulls off playing an evil, conniving, she-devil of a stepmother.

New in Town is out, and I hope it somehow finds it's way back in. I will fight seeing this film like my life depended on it. Not only does it look like a cheap Sweet Home Alabama knockoff(think about how ass that sounds), but someone has seen fit to make Rene Zellwegger the desireable chick in yet another romantic comedy. Are these people blind? Or do they simple not realize that she looks like a puffer fish that's been dipped in marinara and rinsed off with egg nog? This is not good.

Revolutionary Road is on the verge of becoming one of the forgotten. Kate and Leo deserve better.

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GI Joe Character Cards!

Fresh from the UK toy fair we have the official character cards for some of the major GI Joe players in the new flick GIJoe: The Rise of Cobra. I really REALLLYYYY want to like this movie and do hope for the best but after checking out the look of some of the characters over at this site, I can't help but to be reminded of the Jean Claude Van-Damme fronted Street Fighter particularly "The Doctor"

EDIT: Here's another cool all in one picture courtesy of /Film.

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John Stevenson HAS THE POWER....to direct the He-Man movie

I had almost all of the He-Man toys growing up. Well, except for Snake Mountain with the ectoplasm goo that you dump down on any of your captive figures. I would've chosen Ram Man as my victim if I had it. Always pick on the fat kid. Anyway, the first Masters of the Universe movie was one I enjoyed as a kid even though it didn't truly capture how I would've wanted a He-Man film to be. It was too dark, whereas the cartoon was so colorful and nothing ever really felt like a real threat. Now that I'm older, I want this version of He-Man to be darker, more gritty, and with a wider assortment of characters than the original had.

John Stevenson has officially been named as the helmer of the film. His credits are slim, he's only co-directed Kung Fu Panda so far, but he's been around the industry for a long time primarily doing art direction and things of that sort. I imagine those talents will come in handy for a film like this. And besides, if he fails we can just have Trapjaw pay him a little visit.

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Who's House? Say what? Run's Hooooouuuse!!

Run DMC is set to be the Kings of the Box Office as well. With Notorious, the biopic surrounding the life of Biggie Smalls highly regarded as a critical and commercial success, it's screenwriter Cheo Cocker is looking to do the same for rap's "kings of rock". The film will be an adaptation of Bill Adler's book, Tougher Than Leather: The Rise of Run-DMC — The Authorized Biography.

Run DMC is widely considered to be the greatest rap group of all-time. It's first true crossover stars, they produced such hits a "Walk this Way" alongside Aerosmith, "My Adidas", and "Down with the King".

I'm a guy who grew up on 80's rap music, and I've always had a great respect for Run DMC. I was never their biggest fan, always leaning more towards Whodini and UTFO(I know!) I think where I learned to love them the most is in the many appearances they made in movies and TV, or in the music videos for other rappers. They always felt like rap's biggest ambassadors. They were the flagbearers. I'm cautiously optimistic about this film. I just hope it can do these Hall of Famers the proper justice.

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The trailer for 'Dismal' looks mighty tasty, indeed!

I've been on a horror kick lately, thanks to the fun I had with My Bloody Valentine. This time of year is usually the dumping ground for low budget horror flicks looking to cash in on the relative lack of competition. I've got a good feeling about the look of this trailer for the film, Dismal, about a science class out on a field trip that gets attacked by a bunch of "swamp cannibals". Yes, swamp cannibals. Looks pretty gorey, with plenty of T&A to boot. And that's all I really ask for out of my slasher flicks. Blood, guts, and tits.

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Fox2000 Picks up Narnia Franchise, Makes Same Mistake as Disney

"Voyage of the Dawn Treader", the third part of the Narnia franchise has found a new home at Fox2000 Studios after it was unceremoniously dumped by Disney a couple months ago. Disney parted ways with Walden Media after Prince Caspian lived up to the high expectations set by the success of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Fox is looking at a Christmas 2010 release for Dawn Treader. Now, this is the same mistake Disney made. Prince Caspian was a darker, somewhat more adult film, so shoehorning it into a Christmas release date didn't make a lot of sense. It was fine for the more religiously themed first film. Not ony that, but the competition around Christmas time is heavy, and with a franchise that is just trying to regain it's footing a later release is probably warranted. March or April is probably the best time to schedule a film like this. In my opinion, Fox is making a huge mistake. If this film fails to find an audience, consider the Narnia franchise dead and buried.

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A-Team Movie Refuses to Stay Dead, Bring Back Small Wonder Instead

I don't for the life of me understand who these people are begging for an A-Team movie, but whoever they are they must be happy because the project just won't go away. Now the Hollywood Reporter is..well, reporting that Joe Carnahan is set to direct the big screen version of the beloved 80's action series. Carnahan is probably best known for his 2002 film Narc, and his 2007 film Smokn' Aces.

Why won't it go away? The original series was fun if you were below the age of 10 or had the mental accumen of a doorknob. Look at what happened to the Dukes of Hazzard movie. Loved it as a kid, loathed it as an adult, and when I try to look at old episodes now on TNN or whatever that network is it makes me very sad indeed that I might have cried once or twice because I wasn't able to watch it. The A-Team is a concept that could work on it's own, but trying to emulate the core characters is a recipe for disaster.

I'm not at all enthused about Carnahan taking this on, either. Certainly he's ten steps ahead of the vastly overrated John Singleton. Singleton has been living off Boyz in the Hood ever since, with people all too willing to forgive him the series of stinkers he's produced ever since. Carnahan's Narc was a great film, but the only other directorial effort I've seen from him was the abysmal Smokin' Aces. He also wrote last year's Pride and Glory, which was unimpressive to say the least. Having Tony Scott producing the film means nothing to me. If he ain't behind the director's chair then who cares?

I got an idea. Since we seem to be on this 80's nostalgia kick lately, why not bring to the big screen a beloved(mostly) series that's just dying for a modern take: Small Wonder. Who could forget Vicky(V.I.C.I.), the lovable little robot girl built to pass as a family's real daughter, and her quirky attempts to fit in with society? Throw in Abigail Breslin in the starring role, Greg Kinnear and Toni Collette as the parents and you've got the breakout hit of the year, guaranteed $20 million opening weekend. Ofcourse they'd have to soup Vicky up a little bit, give her some cool new powers beyond the ability to parascope her neck like Inspector Gadget(I hated when she did that, it looked kinda gross) and they might want to throw in some sort of government conspiracy but that can all be worked out later.

Let's hope THAT is a plan that comes together. Later for that A-Team shit.

Update: The girl who played V.I.C.I., Tiffany Brissette, was just on the Mike and Juliet show like a week ago. And she's gotten to be pretty hot for a robot chick.

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The Queue: Havoc 2

Larry Clark laughs in the face of movies like this. I can admit that I dug the first Havoc featuring Anne Hathaway and Bijou Phillips mainly for the chance to see Anne's headlights in all their glory. But the film had other merits as well, showing what happens when bored, spoiled rich kids get a real dose of the gangsta lifestyle they so readily imitate. It at least had something to say. Havoc 2: Normal Adolescent Behavior on the other hand, is a trite shallow mess. What's worse, the hotness quotient has been seriously dialed back.

Amber Tamblyn takes the lead role this time. She's no Hathaway, let's put it that way. But she's certainly worth looking at. This Havoc mini-franchise seems to be establishing itself as a venue for goodie-two-shoes bubblegum clean actresses to dirty themselves up a bit. Tamblyn, formerly of Joan of Arcadia, tosses herself into the role of Wendy. Wendy and her friends make up a club. They only hang with each other, nobody else. They also openly sleep with each other. The three boy, three girl club have get togethers on the weekends where they watch TV, play games, and eventually pair off to have sex. But they don't do drugs or drink or cheat on each other. It's totally clean, and relatively safe since it's kept within the group. But when Wendy falls for the new boy in her neighborhood, she's forced to choose between the safety of her club and the harsh realities of an actual relationship.

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Duff, Zegers to Ruin Bonnie and Clyde Film

Reuters is reporting that Hilary Duff and some guy named Kevin Zegers have signed on to play the most famous criminal antiheroes of all-time, Bonnie and Clyde. Mostly unknown director, Tonya Holly, insists this isn't a remake of the Warren Beatty/Faye Dunaway classic.

It better not be. I cringe at the idea of a teeny-bopper Bonnie and Clyde film, replete with furtive glances across the lunchroom table. Ok, that probably won't happen but the casting alone makes it a possibility. Duff has been mostly unimpressive in literally every film I've seen her in, most recently stinking up an already bad War, Inc. This Zegers guy I remember vaguely from Transamerica, but nothing really stands out. This project smells like an unwanted, unnecessary remake. I don't want to see these two no-talents acting out "never before seen" moments from B & C's lives. The death scene should be interesting and fulfilling, though.

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Mickey Rourke to do Wrestlemania?

So Mickey Rourke probably the biggest comeback kid of the year with Robert Downey Jr. has been quoted as saying;

"The boys from the WWE called me and asked me to do it…I said, ‘I want to.’ I’m talking with [Wrestler] Rowdy Roddy Piper about it."

regarding Wrestlemania. Here's my question, does this cheapen his comeback or make it better. I'm leaning towards the former but what do I know. It just seems to me that if he shows up to Wrestlemania as Randy 'Ram' Robinson that it will make his character's story less powerful or maybe I'm making a mountain from a mole hill. I'd be interested in hearing what you think though.

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New GIJoe teaser posters

Today we have some "new" GIJoe: The Rise of Cobra teaser posters for you, really more of the same. I'm really disappointed in the marketing so far. Here's hoping that after the super bowl commercial we get a slew of great stuff...but I'm not counting on it.











I will give it this though, Snake Eyes looks completely bad ass and Sienna Miller as Baroness is a cupful of hotness.

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Review: Waltz with Bashir

The human brain is a fascinating thing. Capable of retaining millions of bits of information, but also of blocking out anything too awful to remembered. Kinda like how I've blocked out the first episode of this season's Lost. It just didn't happen and the season must really start this week. It was just too awful to have really existed. The animated documentary Waltz with Bashir deals with Ari Folman, who's experiences during his time serving in the army during the Lebanon War were so horrific that his brain simply shunted them from his memory.

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Review: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

I was worried about Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. And for good reason. No Kate Beckinsale, except for a brief bookending appearance(which was really just a clip from the first film). No Kevin Grevioux script. He still appears as Raze, the massive black werewolf dude(that's his official title) who by all rights should be able to whoop everyone's ass. And the addition of Rhona Mitra, who while hot to death, is not someone I would center a film around. Fortunately, this one has far more going for it than I expected. Not the least of which is the return of Michael Sheen(The Queen, Frost/Nixon) as Lucian, the first and most formidable werewolf of them all. Also, a slightly more focused plot and an added emphasis on Bill Nighy's Viktor help make this an enjoyable ride.

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Marvel Studios Lowballing Continues

This is pretty much an update from the story on Samuel L. Jackson possibly not returning as Nick Fury due to Marvel's pathetic lowball offer. Well now it appears as if they are doing the same thing to Mickey Rourke, who is probably the hottest actor on the planet at this very moment. Rourke has been in talks to possibly play the Crimson Dynamo in the sequel to Iron Man.

Variety has more on the subject right here.

Marvel's blowin' it. And with a TON of superhero movies coming around the corner, they better lock up their corner of the market now.

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So, Michael Cera Wants to be on My Sh*T List, eh?

So the story's out that Michael Cera might be the one holding up production of the Arrested Development movie. Apparently, he and series creator Mitch Hurwitz are at a bit of a standstill. Hurwitz won't write a script until everyone signs on, and Cera won't sign on until he sees a script. He's quoted by MTV as saying:

“I’d possibly play [George Michael] again. I’d possibly put the script in my shredder. I may buy a shredder just [for it].”

Dude, seriously? I know that your career is much better now than when you were on the show, but there are enough raving AD fans out there who will make it out life's mission to make sure your future films...ok, who am I kidding. I won't do anything. I won't boycott your movies and you've earned lifetime consideration from me for just Superbad and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Just do the damn movie, okay? Make ME happy. Don't worry about them other people. Make me happy. I ask for so little. I can only watch Carl Weather's wax poetic about biscuit sopping on DVD so many times.

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Mutant Chronicles redband trailer

Is it just me or has the big action sci-fi flick experiencing a rebirth lately? There hasn't been this many good sci-fi films released so close to each other in years. Serenity, Sunshine, Babylon A.D. It's been a good run. Now I've got high hopes for this Mutant Chronicles, which is about a small band of humans led by Thomas Jane and Ron Perlman, sent to destroy a mutant army bent on the world's destruction. The cast, along with Jane and Perlman, is impressive featuring John Malkovich and Devon Aoki. Looks good. I'll be keeping an eye on this one.

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Deadpool a major part of Wolverine reshoots?

So it appears that the major reshoots we've been hearing about on XMen Origins: Wolverine have mostly to do with Deadpool, and more specifically his scenes with Wolverine. Now this could be good and bad, I'm all for gearing up a Deadpool spinoff but only if it doesn't detract from the real story of Wolvie and Sabertooth. They may have decided to show how Deadpool becomes disfigured by Wolverine...the reason for his famous mask. Still I can't help but to think that's a better story for Wolvie II. Oh well guess we will just have to hope that they know what they're doing and not sacraficing a good story for a B level spin-off flick.


PS. Am I the only one who thinks a 'Night Stalkers' from Blade: Trinty movie would be fun?

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The To Do List: 1/23/09

After the blitzkrieg that was last week, things finally settle down to something a bit more manageable. Last week I managed to catch Notorious, Paul Blart, Defiance, and My Bloody Valentine all in rapid fire succession. This week I hope to kick things off by catching up on the one remaining straggler, Revolutionary Road, so that I can finally what would've happened to Kate and Leo if they both had survived the Titanic. Frankly, if I catch even a whiff of anything Titanic-ian here, I'm leaving. I despise that film with the heat of a thousand white hot suns.

The film I'm most eager to see is Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Yes, it looks terrible. No, Kate Beckinsale is not starring but she and her tight leather pants do make a cameo. What worries me most is that the original screenwriter, Kevin Grevioux(who also plays Raze in all three films) isn't writing this one. That bothers me. I like Kevin's writing, not only for these films but also his comics work(he currently writes Marvel's New Warriors series). This leads me to believe the third film will be dumbed down somewhat with more focus on simple action rather than any type of plot. Sure, it's vampires and werewolves fighting, and that's awesome. But it could still suck if done half assed.

The chances of me sitting through all 5 hours of Che this weekend? 0%. The chances of me ever sitting through all 5 hours of Che? 0%. Which is a shame because I love Benicio Del Toro as an actor, but I'll never...and THE ROCK MEANS NEVER be able to convince anyone to sit through it with me, and I can't make it through a movie that long all by myself. I need a sounding board in case it sucks ass.

Waltz with Bashir, the highly acclaimed animated war flick has finally hit E Street Cinema and Shirlington Cinema, and it's probably next up on the list of movies I desperately want to check out. Last Chance Harvey, which the more I see of it looks like one long meet cute for the middle aged set, I kinda wanna see but am afraid I'll leave the theater looking a bit more grey than when I went in.

On a side note: Props to AMC Hoffman for FINALLY putting The Wrestler on it's docket this week, late as usual. It's only the best, most critically acclaimed film of the year. No props to go Kingstowne Theater ten seconds away from my house, who apparently don't feel it's worth showing. They're also showing no love for Defiance, which makes no sense to me. But Inkheart? They got all the time in the world for mess.

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Trav's Take: Benjamin Button earns 13 Undeserved Oscar Nominations!

Ok, maybe that might be overstating things. Surely, David Fincher's beautiful film deserves some recognition. I even liked it, uneven, poorly characterized, and overly long that it was. I just don't feel it is an elite film. It just has too many problems, not the least of which is a mostly flat performancy by it's star. The Academy loves movies like this, though. It feels much bigger and far more important than I think it actually was, and sometimes that is enough.

Even though we go over this in some detail on the podcast this week, I'll do a quick run-down of the important categories and give my take on 'em briefly.

Best Motion Picture of the Year

I believe this is a two-horse race between Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire. Popular opinion seems to be that Button has the edge, but I disagree, and I'm not just saying that because I thought Slumdog was a million times better and more original than Button, but because Slumdog has the most momentum right now. It's the film on everybody's lips, the movie that everybody is recommending, and for good reason.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

This one also boils down to two real contenders: Sean Penn for his stirring portrayal in Milk, and Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler. I think this is another instance where momentum carries the day. Mickey Rourke is the Comeback Kid. This was a role that only he could do. Nobody else. Both actors are so good in their roles that it's hard to tell where they end and the acting truly begins, they so thoroughly embody the people they are playing. But when it boils down to it, Rourke's performance is one for the history books. It'll be talked about twenty years from now it's so good.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

I hate to say it, but Streep is gonna take this one. She doesn't deserve it this year, because her part in Doubt is so one-note that I don't imagine it was much of a stretch for her. Jolie was good in an uninspiring movie. Melissa Leo, whom I love, won't win because nobody other than her has seen Frozen River(it won't come out here for some reason). Winslet was good, but I thought it was more of a supporting role than a lead. The one who deserves to win is Anne Hathaway, who had by far the most complicated and showy role in a film with a lot of buzz right now. Her problem might be that some will see it as a fluke, because let's face it, her resume ain't so great. It doesn't help that she did Bride Wars immediately following(Told you it was her Norbit flick!!).

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

This one's a no-brainer. This is Ledger's all the way. He's the only one on that list, other than maybe Downey, who's scenes you wait for because the film just doesn't feel the same without them. No disrespect to Brolin or P.S. Hoffman, who were both great in their respective roles(I didn't see Revolutionary Road yet), but they didn't measure up to Ledger's Joker.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

It's looking like Viola Davis is going to take this one, and she certainly deserves it. Her ONE scene in Doubt is the crux of that entire film. Without it, the whole movie falls apart, and stands toe-to-toe with Streep and more than measures up. Amy Adams shouldn't even be nominated here. She was soft and uninteresting and really had very little to do in her role. Taraji P. Henson was good, but I didn't think she really added all that much to a film that could've gotten along quite fine without her. My love for Marisa Tomei and particularly her role in The Wrestler has been made clear before, and if she won I'd be ecstatic. But she didn't have the best performance of the year. That honor goes to Penelope Cruz, who figuratively and literally set Woody Allen's Vicky Christina Barcelona on her fire with the most exciting role she's ever had. Hers is another instance where the film is less off when she's not there. I don't think she stands a chance of winning this year, but if it were up to me it'd be a slam dunk.

Best Achievement in Directing

You guys know I want Danny Boyle to win. And he should win. Slumdog Millionaire is by far the best of all the nominated films. I'm disappointed that Darren Aronofsky wasn't nominated. However this one is going to go to David Fincher. For all the problems I have with Benjamin Button, it is a beautiful film. It's grand, feels like an epic, and it's truly a departure for Fincher. He excels in making these movies that so perfectly capture a certain mood. If he wins it will absolutely be deserved.

Those are my takes on the biggest categories for this Oscar season. For the rest of my and John's opinions, be sure to check out the Punch Drunk Podcast episode #13, which just so happens to have been released today. Hey how 'bout that?

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The Punch Drunk Podcast: Episode #13

No, there are no holes in your memory. And yes, we do know that normally 12 comes before 13. Basically we effed up episode 12, due in no small to my constantly malfunctioning computer. So we just skipped ahead an episode. Movin' on. As for the contest that was supposed to have begun with episode 12, it can now be found in THIS episode. So keep your ears open! This week on the show...

-John and Trav condense all of Episode 12 down to about 2 minutes, marking the first time a review has lasted less than 30 minutes on the show. Episode 12 featured reviews of Bride Wars, Valkyrie, and The Unborn.

-John and Trav both discuss the bloody good time they both had with My Bloody Valentine....3-D!!! Plus, can Notorious live up to the "larger than life" image of it's subject?

-Another slow week for DVDs, but finally the guys can relax because Max Payne has now hit store shelves! Thank God!!!

-More news on the Watchmen trial; and why is Marvel Studios trying to lowball Samuel L. Jackson? Are they trying to fail?

--The Oscar nominations have finally been released! Find out who the Dynamic Duo think will win, and who SHOULD win!

Remember to listen out for the super secret movie sound byte! The first person to email us at punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com wins!!!

We hope you'll join us for another fun hour! You can find the Punch Drunk Podcast on Itunes or any other podcast directory, or you can subscribe clicking right.....here.

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Snap Reviews: Defiance, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, My Bloody Valentine 3-D

Defiance

Movies involving the persecution of Jews during the reign of Hitler are a dime a dozen. However, I'm liking the recent trend of these films to focus less on the actual massacre, choosing instead to highlight smaller peripheral stories spun out of that tragedy. Defiance continues this trend, casting Daniel Craig as Tuvia Bielski, eldest of four Bielski brothers. Liev Schreiber plays his hot headed brother, Zus. Jamie Bell is Asael, and George McKay plays the largely ignored fourth brother, Aron. As the German swept through Belarussia, their parents are killed by the local police force under orders from the German army. The Bielskis, who have a reputation for being somewhat shady and violent themselves, decide to seek vengeance. One brutal moment of cold blooded murder later, and the Bielskis find themselves on the run in the dense forests. There they encounter other Jews, and Tuvia takes on the role of reluctant leader to an ever growing community.

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Cool Wolverine cast shot Straight from Horse's Mouth

Hugh Jackman, whom I will be talking about in the podcast this week, is one helluva dude. Concerned with the fan reaction to the news that they are currently reshooting a ton of scenes for his upcoming Wolverine origin film, he was nice enough to write in to Ain't It Cool News and set the record straight. Apparently the reshoots are NOT due to screw ups, but due to previous scheduling and weather conflicts. Yay. Wolvie was also nice enough to include one cool ass cast shot, featuring all the characters anyone gives a damn about...and Silver Fox.

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Paul Blart pulls in 39 million!?!?!?

In an event defying all logic and previous thought Paul Blart: Mall Cop made a ridiculous 39 million this weekeend against Notorious and My Bloddy Valentine 3D which both pulled in a not bad 24 mil, and what I'm hearing is the best movie on the list, Defiance opened to only 11 mil. I'm baffled by this, there was little build up and less than expansive advertising for this and not that I dont like the guy but I dont think of Kevin James as some huge box office leading man. I'm not a box office analyst, and now I know I can never be because I never would have seen this coming. What are your thoughts?

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The To-Do List: 1/16/09

It's not supposed to be busy in January. But thanks to a perfect storm of events, I'll have possibly five days off to see as many movies as I can. The weekend, plus my employment by the federal government, plus the fact that I work in DC during the busiest few days in history means I might not be in to work until Thursday. It also helps that I can do my job from my Blackberry™. Still I don't expect such a flood of movies to hit all at once like this. Not movies I really wanna see, anyway. Unfortunately, E Street Cinema will be basically closed for two days during the inauguration so that venue is off the table.

This week brings us the Biggie Smalls biopic, Notorious, starring some fat guy and Derek Luke. I actually saw this last night(read my review right here) and it's worth checking out. Atleast you will be lucky enough to not have to go to a WPGC sponsored screening like I did, and basically have the entire film talked over by thuggish idiots . But then again, you probably will have to deal with bammas talking, and pay for it.

WHO'S COMING WITH ME TO SEE MY BLOODY VALENTINE???! I'm taking all comers! Can't wait to see this, it looks so damn terrible I know I'm gonna love it!

Defiance is the film I'm anticipating most, starring Daniel Craig, as one of the Bielski Partisans who helped fight the Nazis and protect Jewish citizens during WWII. The Oscar buzz that once surrounded this film seems to have died out, thanks to some shoddy marketing and a pushed back release date. Looks good, though. Ed Zwick rarely puts out a horrible script. Well, except for those episodes of 1/4Life he crapped out for television last year.

Somebody out there still finds Kevin James funny. Unfortunately I'm not one of them after the horrendous Chuck and Larry. I expect Paul Blart: Mall Cop to be a one-note idea best suited to a three minute skit on SNL stretched deli thin over the course of 90 minutes.

As usual there is a holdover from last week, and that one is Revolutionary Road, which has decided to make life easier for me by expanding to theaters I can actually get to without venturing into the Nation's Capital. I might tackle this one first.

On a side note: technical issues have pushed back the release of episode #12 of the Punch Drunk Podcast. Hopefully it will be up by Sunday night, and we will probably record episode 13 on Monday night or something. So listen out and don't forget that we have our contest in Episode 12. Help keep my DVD shelf uncluttered!

Expect lots o' reviews next week. Have a good weekend!

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Review: Notorious

Before I even begin to address this film, I got to say something about the screening itself. If I had known that it was going to be sponsored by WPGC, one of the greater facilitators to the death of hip-hop music in the DC area I probably never would have gone. The event was ignorant from jumpstreet, with some fat lousy "comedian" hypeman tryin' to rile up the audience, with his phoney attempts to sound legit and expressions of admiration for the B.I.G. Whatever, man, start the damn film. He did his job, which was to cause the already talkative audience to feel free to chat openly throughout the flick, making keen "observations" about mundane things we all already know, "Craig Mack is ugly". No shit. Or even worse, the lady behind me and her staunch defense of everything 2-Pac who stood boldly by her claim that 2-Pac was never charged with sexual abuse of any kind. Yeah, and that wasn't 2-Pac I saw grinnin' from ear to ear dancin' like Stunt Diggitydog during Digital Underground's "Same Song" video. Thug life, my arse.

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Watchmen Court Battle Finally Settled! Who Cares?!

Maybe I'm the only one, but I never really gave a damn about all the legal huzzah surrounding the release of the Watchmen movie. It was obvious to me and pretty much everybody else that the film would release as planned, and that all Fox was really looking for was their cut. And they got it in spades. They finally settled the dispute, and Fox supposedly will get roughly 8% of the take including a piece of any sequels or spinoffs. They also get their court costs paid for and about $1 million in development costs from when they had the rights.

I'm sticking to my original assessment that Watchmen will peter out at somewhere around $150 million. To comic book geeks like myself who pray at the alter of Alan Moore on a regular basis, this is THE must-see movie of my generation. But to everybody else? They're probably wondering where Hancock is. And if this film isn't the blockbuster runaway hit WB thinks it will be, then they just handed away a ton of money for nothin'.

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Punch Drunk Critics' First Contest Begins this Week

So I've been trying to think of a way to unload some of my DVDs from my mountainous collection. Normally I sell them to Amazon for a small fee, but I thought about it for awhile and decided "Why not give them to our loyal podcast listeners"? Every month or so I do a purge of my collection, getting rid of the movies I no longer want in my collection. It helps me save space and keep my collection reflective of the films I truly like(Yes, that's important to me for some reason). So with that in mind, John and I came up with an idea for a contest. It won't be our only contest, but this is the first.

During Episode #12 of the Punch Drunk Podcast, we will play a random clip from the specific movie. You can't miss it. I know I might look and sound just like a movie star, but this clearly won't be me and it clearly won't be John. If you can identify the clip, email us at punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com with the correct answer. The first to do so will win that DVD and an autographed headshot from one Mr. John Nolan. Ok, no headshot. It's really that simple. Think of it as our way of thanking you for listening to the show, and also your way of helping me keep my DVD collection nice 'n tidy.

So stay on the lookout for Episode #12 this week. Good luck!

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Samuel L. Jackson NOT to Return as Nick Fury?

This would be a disaster. According to Hero Complex, negotiations between Marvel Studios and ol' Lazarus himself to reprise his role as the eye-patched superspy Nick Fury have broken down. Bristling at the question posed to him, SLJ responded:

"There was a huge kind of negotiation that broke down. I don't know. Maybe I won't be Nick Fury. Maybe somebody else will be Nick Fury or maybe Nick Fury won't be in it. There seems to be an economic crisis in the Marvel Comics world so [they're saying to me], 'We're not making that deal.'"

Marvel better get their shit straight. Marvel Studios is a relatively young company at this point, with only two official films under their belt. They have created a furvor amongst their fanbase and whether they like it or not, Jackson is a big part of the reason why. It would be in their best interest to stop the low balling tactics and give the man what he wants. You can not do the same to him that you did to Terence Howard and expect to come away unscathed. Get it together!

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Fighting trailer

So it's a morning of bad movie titles. Seriously. Fighting? That's the best they could come up with? How about Acting? Staring? Farming? Or if we go by Channing Tatum's usual output, Sucking.

John and I mentioned this film briefly during our last broadcast(not up yet, be patient!). Fighting is the story of a hard luck kid barely making ends meet on the streets of New York. When he meets up with a scam artist who sees that he has a natural gift for fighting, they partner up and venture into the world of illegal bare-knuckle brawling circuit. Channing Tatum, Terence Howard, Luis Guzman, and Brian J. White round out a pretty good cast. It looks like it has some potential, but I can't escape the "Step Up"-type love story I can already see at the heart of this thing. Still, it's now on my radar as a movie to look out for.

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Fancy a Donkey Punch?

Ok, Donkey Punch is a horrible title for a film unless it's about Eeyore's favorite drink, but I kinda like the look of this trailer. The film involves a party aboard a yacht that goes terribly wrong when one of them dies in a freak accident. What follows is a brutal fight for survival as they battle over what they must do to save their own skins.

I'm hoping it doesn't turn into an all-out murderfest. I'd prefer something more psychological, but judging by the trailer and the cast I don't think I'm gonna get that. Still, it looks interesting.

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McG Previews Terminator Salvation!

Ok, I read about half this story then had to finally quit. BE WARNED!!! THERE ARE SOME SERIOUS SPOILERS WITHIN!!! Thanks to the people at Newsarama for this story, spoilerific though it may be. McG previewed a ton of footage of his upcoming Terminator Salvation flick, the fourth in the Terminator franchise. He also let loose with a ton of plot details, and was surprisingly coy about a certain 'roided up Governor of California.

For those not worried about spoilers, click here.

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Sin City 2 Script Completed

Jaime King, who is building a career off Frank Miller movies it seems, revealed to Mania.com that the legendary comic creator has actually finished the script to the long awaited sequel. She says:

"I was with him the other night," she said. "He just finished it. Sometimes studios are awesome because they have a great vision for something, but then they want to do weird things with the second one. Robert [Rodriguez] didn't want to go down that route ... none of the filmmakers or the actors were willing to sacrifice doing it any other way other than what we wanted to do it. I'm hoping we'll do it sometime this year. But you know how movies are."

This is good news. The original Sin City series, while not perfect, was a ton of fun and I'm anxiously awaiting the sequel. I'm not sure which of the books this one will cover, but if it's anything like the first it'll be a mish-mash, which is just fine with me. The only thing that worries me is that the big league disaster that The Spirit turned out to be will keep people away from this. I hope not. Frank Miller might have attempted to recapture the feel of Sin City in his stilted Spirit effort, but he failed miserably. There is a world of difference between the two films, visual similarities aside.

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The Queue: Man on Wire

It's notoriously hard to get me hooked on documentaries lately. A few years ago I loved them, then they all sort of fell into similar patterns and became boring. I got tired of the rote nature of most of them, and sorta pulled myself away from watching them. It didn't help that I spent some time as a documentary screener for SilverDocs film festival, and burned myself out watching around fifty documentaries in about a month's time. The last couple of years have seen a resurgence in the genre for me, thanks mostly to a deluge of amazing docs like No End in Sight, Sicko, and Taxi to the Dark Side. 2008 has been another great year for documentaries, but without doubt Man on Wire was the best of the bunch.

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Review: Bride Wars

It's been a rough couple of days at the movie for your loyal Punch Drunk Critic. It started off with a thoroughly irritating screening of The Unborn on Thursday, followed up by a painful(but mercifully brief) experience on Saturday. On that day I had the displeasure of sitting through Bride Wars: a shallow, vapid, film full of shallow, vapid characters with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Anne Hathaway and the always-trying-my-patience Kate Hudson play Emma and Liv. The two have been best friends since childhood, and apparently they are friends only because they both share a love of weddings. They've been planning their own weddings(not to each other, although that would be interesting) for years and will accept nothing less than the very best. So when the two find themselves engaged at pretty much the same time(because that's how life works), they both decide to do it up in style the way they always dreamed of, and that means June weddings at the Plaza Motel. Unfortunately, a mistake causes both weddings to be scheduled on the same day and supposedly one must drop out to make room for the other. This causes a war between the two brides-to-be to see who can outdo the other or something.

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Review: The Unborn

What the hell was Gary Oldman doing in this? That was the only thought keeping me awake during this plodding snooze fest of a horror flick. Surely this isn't the same man who played Stansfield in Leon the Professional? This must be his less talented twin, Barry Oldman, playing this stock rabbi character tasked with exorcising the demon. Maybe Gary was possessed of a dybbuk himself. That is the only explanation I can come up with, other than that the mortgage was due.

Because surely he didn't take a gander at the script and decide this was just too good to pass up. The idea by itself has merit and some unique qualities to it, unfortunately it abandons every one of those qualities in favor of cliches. It stars Cloverfield's Odette Yustman as Casey, who has been plagued with visions of boy-faced dogs and that trusty horror nugget, the creepy four year old boy with the icy stare. After Casey's neighbor clocks her upside the head with a mirror(probably for accepting this part), her eyes begin to change color, a sure sign that she used to be a twin! Her father pops up for a second to confirm that bit of info, then hightails it for the remainder of the film. She figures out that the spirit of her unborn sibling is possessed by a dybbuk, a Jewish spirit, is attempting to reenter the world. Why? I have no clue. I can assume it's not because he misses playing with his dreidle. There really is no answer given, nor did I care to find out.

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Why George Lucas is an A Hole

Really Lucas...really? You had to name him Porkins!? I mean seriously this is a valiant member of the Rogue Squadron and you have to belittle him with a cheap pun of a name. Was Jones taken?

Sorry just caught a bit of episode IV on SPIKE and realized this was something I wanted to bring up for a while. That is all...until next time

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Lemony Snicket?....is that you?

Nope not Lemony, but close. Here's a leaked pic of the new Disney A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey as Ebenezar Scrooge. It's all motion capture like Beowulf or to a lesser extent The Polar Express and really it doesn't look like ole rubberface at all, and when did Carrey become the holiday movie guy? In any event this looks pretty cool and it will be 3D so that's a plus.

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen poster and Super Bowl Trailers!!!!!

Here's the new teaser poster for the Transformers 2. Also with this poster we get the news that the trailer will be debuting during the Super Bowl! Every year the Super Bowl brings us trailers for the biggest trailers of the year and this year does not dissapoint. Look for trailers for Monsters Vs. Aliens, Angels and Demons, GIJoe: The Rise of Cobra, Land of the Lost, Fast and Furious, and Pixar's UP. Whew.....that's alot of trailers and a whole new reason to love the Super Bowl

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The To-Do List 1/09/09

One definite column to write every week and I can't bring myself to do it on time. That's just pathetic. Friday is probably a better day to do it anyway, considering this is the day most movies release. Besides, I spend my Thursdays thinking of all the ways TNA will screw up their Impact broadcast later on in the evening. Yes, I obsess over wrestling like that. It's a family curse.

It's been a slow week compared to the jam packed nature of the previous. I managed to catch up with The Reader, so that's one I can check off my list. Other than the screening of The Unborn which I caught last night, that's all I saw in the last week. The Unborn even had one really good thing come out of it, and that's that it solidified my reasons for loathing The Junkies, or atleast that guy who does their movie reviews. Follow my Twitter(PUNCHYCRITIC) from last night to see why I hate him even more now. Since all my friends stiffed me on this screening I little choice but to tweet our loyal Punch Drunk Followers.

The January doldrums are here, and this week is a prime example of why this month sux for film geeks. What are my options? The Unborn has been seen. Not Easily Broken? The hell is that? Oh, it's a T.D. Jakes flick. Which means I can run down the plot without having to read anything about it. Oh, Morris Chestnutt's in it? Let's see, I'm betting he's a guy with responsibilities but since he's a black guy(and we're all the same in our own films) he's probably got self confidence issues or he's arrogant or something. He's probably having marital issues. He no doubt has a group of friends who encourage his behavior(one for the worse, one for the better). No thanks. I'll politely pass on this and every Tyler Perry/TD Jakes film from here to the end of time. Seen one and you've seen 'em all. If anybody sees this, write me(punchdrunkcritics@yahoo.com) and let me know when the perfunctory "dinner table" scene is.

That leaves Bride Wars. Really? That's it for me? That's what I got? Maybe, as a way of playing the good boyfriend, I'll take my lady out to see this. Atleast it'll have plenty for me to look at...ahem...Anne Hathaway....

Could you guys do me a favor? Anyone who's seen Yes Man, could you tell me just how bad it is? Weeks this slow mean I'll be playing catch up on some oldies. Is it offensively awful? So bad that I'll be pissed to waste my free passes? Is the music in Revolutionary Road really as annoying as I've been told?

Gran Tarino and The Wrestler expand into wider release today, so be sure to check those out! You won't be disappointed!

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All DC Comics Movies Put on Hold

Obviously somebody over at Warner Bros. has been reading our site. David Goyer confirmed, in an interview with IESB, that all future DC related movie projects have been put on hold until they can iron out the details of a broader plan. No word on whether or not this affects the next Batman film, but since there isn't even a script or director attatched to that yet I guess it doesn't really matter .

A few weeks ago I posted that they needed to "kill the Justice League movie" right now before they effed it up, mainly because DC seemed to have no firm idea of how to handle their stable of characters on the big screen. So I'm overjoyed at this news, because even though I may only read a couple of DC titles every month I recognize that they have the most iconic superheroes on the planet, and I want any film with these characters to succeed. Well, except for Superman. He sucks and I want any film with him to continue sucking.

Hopefully one day we'll get a Secret Six film based off the first arc of Gail Simone's series. What a wild ride that would be!

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Mickey Rourke in Iron Man 2?

Wow. What a year this has been for Mickey Rourke. I don't think anybody's made a comeback quite like this since Ma$e made his triumphant return to hip hop! Ok, this is a bit better than that. Now there is a rumor going around that Mickey Rourke is being offered the role of the Crimson Dynamo in the 2010 sequel to Iron Man. A bit of an odd fit, Rourke as the Russian bruiser, but after seeing him literally melt into the role of Ram Robinson in The Wrestler, I ain't puttin' nothin' past him.

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Broken Lizard's The Slammin' Salmon redband trailer

I've never really understood why people love Broken Lizard so much. I didn't laugh once at Super Troopers. A friend and I still to this day talk about how bad Camp Dread was. And I simply can't finish Beerfest no matter how hard I try. I keep thinking I should like them because their brand of humor is right up my alley, but nothing ever seems to click. These guys have no less than five projects in the works right now, so clearly they have a devoted fanbase. Their next project, The Slammin' Salmon, looks promising. It's about an upscale restaurant run by a former boxing champion. When he decides to hold a contest to see which of his staff can sell the most food, hijinks ensue.

Why does this look promising? Three words: Michael. Clarke. Duncan. The man simply can't not be funny. Then again if he was ever going to suck, this would be the film where he does it. We shall see. Anyway, check out the trailer, let me know what you think about the Broken Lizard crew. And while you're at it think about how they wasted that fine talent at the top of the page.

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The Punch Drunk Podcast: Episode #11

In this week's episode of the Punch Drunk Podcast:

1. John and Trav both wonder why Frank Miller sapped all the spirit out of The Spirit!

2. If Seven Pounds were a man, Trav would spit in his face!

3. Our shortest DVD review segment in history! Only Alan Ball fans need apply.

4. The duo discuss the fate of Disney's once profitable Narnia franchise.

5. Believe it or not, both John and Trav present their lists of the TOP 10 FILMS of 2008! John made it to the production meeting on time for once!

We hope you'll join us for another fun hour(or so) by clicking right....here!

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US Street Fighter Trailer!!!

Update to the other post with the Chun LI trailer for Japan. Here's your official US Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li trailer. Personally I'm a little less enthused than when I saw the Japanese trailer, but still think it will be a decent to good actioner, what are your thoughts?

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Mickey Rourke to join Stallones 'Expendables'

In another AMAZING casting note Variety reports that Mickey Rourke, the comeback kid of 08, will play a go to arms leader for the band of mercs. WOW.....I really dont think this could be more of a dream squad unless the somehow managed to get Schwarzenegger, Vann-Damme, and Seagal in it as well. I CAN NOT wait until this flick hits the screens, please oh please don't dissapoint.

Thanks to /Film for the awesome image above.

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Yes, the Japanese Watchmen Trailer Kicks Our Ass

I was going to post on this earlier, but I noticed my favorite lady poster Ms☆Go(dig her site, it's almost as cool as ours! j/k) had put it up and she gets it just right. The Japanese trailer gets that Watchmen is about themes and not just cool music and people in spandex. To me, it's like they have a way with making their films seem so much more epic, and they certainly did this time. Check it out for yourselves and let me know what ya think.

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Pegg and Frost Reunite for Tintin Movie

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are back together again! No, it's not a sequel to Shaun of the Dead(damn) or Hot Fuzz(dammit), but the two will be voicing the bumbling Thompson Twins in the CGI feature film from Stephen Spielberg and Peter Jackson.

This is already starting to look like a blockbuster of a franchise, with Jackson and Spielberg involved. Andy Serkis is playing Tintin's sidekick, Captain Haddick. The sheer talent behind the scenes alone is enough to make me want to see this, but the addition of Pegg and Frost has only piqued my interest. I used to dig the Tintin cartoon that came on HBO(I think it was HBO). It's not as kid friendly as it appears on the surface. Much more mature in tone.

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George A. Romero's ...of the Dead trailer

Zombie movie master George Romero is back with his....umpteenth zombie flick, this one titled "...of the Dead". I guess he ran out of segments of the day to set his films around(There's always Brunch of the Dead). I was a fan of Romero's early work, but his latest films have left much to be desired. They just don't have the social relevance of the previous stuff, and I feel he's been surpassed by some of the most recent zombie films by other creators(Danny Boyle, Zack Snyder). This one, however, is taking a different angle on the whole zombie situation. The inhabitants of this zombie infested island can't bring themselves to kill their loved ones and instead are living with them pretending all is normal. Obviously this won't last, but atleast it's something new for the series.

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The Queue: The Warrior

It took me over a year to finally watch The Warrior, through no fault of it's own. It had been sitting on my DVR since September 2007(a particularly rough month), and I just never got around to it. Finally I added it to my Netflix queue and caught up with it, and I couldn't be more pleased.

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Snap Reviews: Frost/Nixon, The Reader, Valkyrie

There's simply too much out right now to devote all my time to one, so unfortunately I gotta divvy things up a bit. It's been another busy week, and since I gave Doubt a full review I'll have to give the next three flicks short shrift.

Frost/Nixon: If it wasn't for Frank Langella's AMAZING performance as Tricky Dick Nixon I don't know how I'd feel about this film. Ron Howard's adaptation of the Peter Morgan play hits most of the right notes, establishing Nixon as a desperate but wily veteran willing to gamble everything to save his own reputation. David Frost, a somewhat flamboyant talk show host is similarly cast as a man risking what little reputation he has for a second shot at the big time. But I never felt that they gave Frost the attention he deserved. Most of our time is spent between Frost's research buddies(Sam Rockwell is wasted in particular) and the fascinating Nixon. I can't blame Howard for that. Langella is so perfect here in his portrayal that whenever he wasn't on screen I felt the film took two steps backwards. However when the interviews are actually taking place, the film was instantly captivating, as Nixon plays his competition like a fiddle up until that final moment. If only the entire movie had been that, rather than the time wasting stuff beforehand.

7/10, mainly for Frank Langella. Give that man an Oscar nom!

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'My Bloody Valentine' clip

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

So we can pretty much agree that this film is gonna be horrible, right? I feel bad because I think Jensen Ackles has the charisma to be a major market star but not if he keeps making decisions like this. Anyway, who will be seeing this strickly because of the 3D gimmick? I know I will, and I know Trav said he will so how about you guys? Anyone intrigued enough by the new digital 3D to see what looks like the worst horro movie since 2002's Valentine?

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New pics from 2009 Releases

Here are some pics from some major releases this next year courtesy of EW.com. I love the Terminator: Salvation pic, what role is Bale NOT right for...really. The Where the Wild Things Are pic is awesome, I remember loving those monsters when I was a kid. Also we have images form Pixars new UP and Land of the Lost which I honestly hope comes out well. And lastly we have another still from X Men Origins: Wolverine...which I still can figure out why they didn't just call it Wolverine, do we really need the reminder that he's an XMan eventually...ah well.

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